Homesick

This weekend I headed home for a short trip. Friday night I went to dinner with my sweet friends, Stephane and Shawn, both are preggo too, so we had a table of the pregnant women, drinking loads of water and discussing all things baby. It was fun. I was more than fun actually, it was home, which is the ultimate.

Funny, but I was still home on Saturday and I was already homesick. I miss that luxury of having the best friends in the world around that have known you for years and you don't have to explain lots of things to them. These two girls (along with quite a few others) know so much about me and the comfort of being in their company is something that I desperately miss. I didn't even realize how much I missed it until I realized that when I lived at home I did this ALL the time. Now, I spend a lot of time at home--alone, which I have come to love too, but I seriously miss my girls. I miss my godchildren, who get cuter and bigger everyday. Guy is almost SIX, seriously--SIX!!! It was just yesterday that he was two and we had this funny exchange...

Guy: DeeDee, when we're done (he was in the bath), you can dry me off, put lotion on me, then put on my jammies and we can get it the bed and have smooches!!

Me: (speechless)

Later I'm tucking him in and he puts his hand on my face (I'm not making this crap up) and says "DeeDee your eyes are so green". He's our little charmer! Now he's halfway done with kindergarten. Then there's Henry, the younger one, who is seriously probably the cutest kid in America. Recently his mom posted a picture of him with a busted lip, patch on his eye (costume piece), and a band-aid on his chin. When I asked what was going on she said he reported that they were "hunting bears and bugs" in the backyard! This one is tough as nails, and is gonna give them a run for their money for years!!

I miss my parents! I miss that luxury of just popping by their house and getting a hug from my daddy or having my mom tell me that I'm right (doesn't matter the subject, just that she agrees!). This weekend I finally put Texas tags on my car (cue the tears), though I did special order LSU tags, so it's not as bad, but I was missing the bolts for the front tag (Texas--ughhh!). So, while I was home my dad had extras and put it on for me, he didn't like how the bolts were rusty and looked yuck against my gleaming white new tag, so he spray painted the bolts white--yep, that's what daddy's are for (and yes, I'm 31 years old! I'm grateful).

I SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY miss my sister. She's my built in best friend and we like to do the same things. I know that if she were here I'd be exercising more, because she would workout alongside me, even if I were going at a slower pace! She's going to be the best aunt ever and Cala already loves her I know it! So, I'm asking a big favor that you pray that her husband would find a job WAY closer to us so that I can see her more often and she can be involved in everything Cala!

So, that's it, I'm homesick and miss my people! Luckily, one of my most favorite people is coming to stay with me this weekend! Thanks Shawn for being my house guest--AGAIN!

Control

I'm a firm believer that no one can 'take' control over you. You must 'submit' to their control and while sometimes it's easier said than done, I prefer not to let people control my thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc. Typically, it's very easy for a family member to have control over you, generally just by their relation to you. I mean, your parents do have control over where you go, and what you do, but not necessarily how you feel about yourself. There are some really great parents out there who compliment and support their children all the time, yet these kids still feel incompetent or ugly or dumb, etc. Obviously the opposite is true as well, there are hateful abusive parents who end up with very well adjusted children. I don't think that it's always a conscience decision to let someone control how you feel about yourself or a situation, but others do influence us, and sometimes it requires a fully conscious decision to listen (in good cases) or not listen (in bad cases).

Where did this random thought come from you might ask? Well, first from working with youth and seeing how they view themselves in relation to what others say about them, or how their peers treat them. It often breaks my heart to see young men/women who are so self-conscious or lack self-esteem when they have so very much to offer. I pray that as I interact with these kids I can help be that influence of positive self-image, or can foster a focus on things that they are very good at.

Me, personally, I'm no athlete, very poor coordination, but I've found that I can be a runner (and typically am, though a slow one, which is fine with me!). My parents fostered in my sister and I both that we were smart, we could/should/would do well in school, we would attend college, and we could be anything that we put our minds to--that paid off for both of us. Rene' (my fab sister) is much more athletic than I am, but she's very good at encouraging me in our running endeavors, but the fact that we both focused and excelled in academics and did strive for athletics, I believe has a lot to do with how we were raised. (I have no problem with that, just making a point).

The second reason I was thinking about this is because of the way that my emotions and thoughts have been affected by our failed adoption. I am very guilty of allowing that girl (supposed birth mother) way more control over me than I'd like to admit, but since I'm honest on here, I'm outing myself! I let her ruin my view on private adoption and cause me to be much less trusting overall, and even to taint the name we had picked for our baby. In the past few days I've decided to take back that control, and while our private adoption went poorly (and I think all birth mothers should have a background check in these cases), that doesn't mean that all will. I am a trusting person, and I don't want that to change about me, I'm not naive (as I had my suspicions about that girl from the get-go, hence my intense record keeping!), but I generally trust until you give me a reason not to (i.e. extorting money from me) and I prefer to stay that way. in addition to that I am well aware that birth mothers are not evil people out to scam you for money, this girl was a criminal, not a mother (so all birth mothers, know I very much respect you for the choices you make and the sacrifices you endure for your children). And as far as the name we had picked out last summer, we are still using it, that was not her child's name, but was for our child one day, whenever and however that happened.

Not gonna lie, it feels really good to relinquish that control. That does not mean we will not continue to pursue our case, we definitely will see it through to the end. I believe that while the whole experience was nightmare-ish, that was God's plan for us, and we are serving a purpose by keeping her from putting anyone else through such a nightmare.

I am in control of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions!

My new necklace

Here is my beautiful necklace from Lisa Leonard...




Isn't it beautiful?!? Thanks Lisa!


Deni

Quick update...

Been traveling so didn't update immediately, but my sweet friend that had the birthparents pick them...

HAS HER BABY AT HOME!!!

Hallelujah--God is good! Thank you for the prayers and love!!!


Deni

Can you pray for another friend?

My sweet bloggie friend at Thoughts From a Blonde got THE CALL on Sunday!! Yep, for those of you who've been there or are dreaming of being there, a birth mother picked her and her husband! I'm so happy for them that I was almost in tears when I heard!!! She has been a great support to me and lots of people through this journey, and I've been praying like a loon for them to get their perfect baby!! Please pray that all goes smoothly and that the birth parents sign over their rights tomorrow and J & B get to pick up their bring home baby and bring her home FOREVER tomorrow!!!! You can go visit them and wish them luck!

New Bloggie Friend!!!

I'd like to ask you to go visit my sweet friend, Alisa, who just joined the blogging community! She's a fellow BLM and IF sufferer and a great woman of faith! You'll love her I know! She's currently starting fertility treatment and I'm sure could use some love and support, so head over to The Brogden Report (isn't that cute?!?) and welcome her to this great group of women who have helped me so much over the last year+!

Again, I must say how much this community has meant to me and how much you have helped me this past year!! Thank you all for your love and support!

Another story...

I have this sweet friend who was a huge help to me this summer without having to be at all. I feel such a great debt to her, as she helped me out when she barely knew me and I think she is a phenomenal person!!! We were connected by a mutual friend because she was in the process of adopting too and we bonded over that. When I tell you she is one of the sweetest people I know--I'm serious, I'm not sure there is a mean bone in her body!!

So...in November she and her husband were matched with a baby through the state's foster-to-adopt program and have had that sweet baby for almost 2 months now!! They are in love and over the moon! I ask that you join me in praying for them and for this sweet little baby girl, that they will be her forever family! They are cherishing every day that they have with her and are praying for 'one more day' each day. Please join me and them in this prayer, as this baby would be soooo blessed to be in this family forever! Her faith and her husband's faith are so strong and such a testament to how good God is and how trusting Him, though it's not always an easy road, will eventually lead to the best possible outcome! Their situation is currently temporary, so I don't want to reveal names, but God will know, so hit your knees for them!!!