But no, they have just been laying around!!! Such sweet dogs!
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16 years today
1 year ago
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
You would think...
That they had been hard at work all day...
But no, they have just been laying around!!! Such sweet dogs!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
But no, they have just been laying around!!! Such sweet dogs!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, July 4, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
What a difference a year makes
Last year on June 30th we were dealing with some very awkward shadiness from our supposed birthmother. She wasn't responding to texts or calls and her mom was making strange texts to me with very odd behavior. What we didn't realize until the next day was that the reason was she was giving birth to the child that we thought for 6 months was to be our child. We had prepared our lives and our hearts for the arrival of a baby after 3.5 years of trying to make our family grow.
To say that the next few days was utter devastation would be a gross understatement, and I've prayed all along that this baby, our Cala would not be born on the same day. Not that I have ill feelings towards that baby, as she was an innocent pawn in a very ugly game, but I didn't want them to share a birthday. That was such an awful time of realizing we had been so violently deceived and taken advantage of; to know that another human being would intentionally hurt our hearts the way that we came to realize was an awful experience. Someone described it as the most reprehensible act a person could do to another person, and I agree. Choosing to parent a child that was not born of your flesh is a gift, and I will always see it as that, and I see the child as a gift to the family that they join, so intentionally taking advantage of such a situation is beyond anything that I can comprehend. I think about that little girl often and hope that her life isn't horrible, though she is living without her mother, which can't be a positive thing. I do hope that she overcomes the obstacles that have been forced upon her and lives a happy life.
But today I'm completely reminded of the utter pain and devastation that we waded through one year ago and am grateful that I have my husband, my sister, and good friends to continue to support me through these trials and that this year is completely different.
I also ask you to send some love over to Michele at My Life After Loss, as they were planning on adopting a child who was born this week and the birthmother changed her mind. My heart breaks for them and sends so much love to them during this gut-wrenching time and the healing time that is ahead of them.
** Sorry this isn't my most eloquent post, this is just emotional for me **
To say that the next few days was utter devastation would be a gross understatement, and I've prayed all along that this baby, our Cala would not be born on the same day. Not that I have ill feelings towards that baby, as she was an innocent pawn in a very ugly game, but I didn't want them to share a birthday. That was such an awful time of realizing we had been so violently deceived and taken advantage of; to know that another human being would intentionally hurt our hearts the way that we came to realize was an awful experience. Someone described it as the most reprehensible act a person could do to another person, and I agree. Choosing to parent a child that was not born of your flesh is a gift, and I will always see it as that, and I see the child as a gift to the family that they join, so intentionally taking advantage of such a situation is beyond anything that I can comprehend. I think about that little girl often and hope that her life isn't horrible, though she is living without her mother, which can't be a positive thing. I do hope that she overcomes the obstacles that have been forced upon her and lives a happy life.
But today I'm completely reminded of the utter pain and devastation that we waded through one year ago and am grateful that I have my husband, my sister, and good friends to continue to support me through these trials and that this year is completely different.
I also ask you to send some love over to Michele at My Life After Loss, as they were planning on adopting a child who was born this week and the birthmother changed her mind. My heart breaks for them and sends so much love to them during this gut-wrenching time and the healing time that is ahead of them.
** Sorry this isn't my most eloquent post, this is just emotional for me **
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Thankful Thursday
Just a quick list of things I'm thankful for right now...
1. My sweet husband, I can't say enough good about this beautiful, funny man. I wish I had snapped a pic yesterday of him in his visor, because he looked adorable with those curls poking out everywhere!
2. My animals and finding good veterinarians here in Tyler. Leaving our vet behind in Shreveport was really hard because she is so awesome and is a blessing of a friend, but these vets and their staff do love our pets and that really helps for our fur babies!
3. My sister, there are just things that can't be replaced, and can't be fully put into words, my sister is one of those things. I'm convinced that in Sept of '84 God gave me one of the best gifts ever and that was Rene'. I'm forever grateful!
4. Friends who are there to love and support me and encourage me in life. I've heard it said that if you have more than a couple of true friends you are truly blessed, well consider me well beyond that! I have friends who call me daily and weekly, as if I never moved from Shreveport or live miles away from them wherever, because miles don't affect true friendships and I'm very grateful for all of them!
5. My OB, who is in town for the rest of the summer and laughs at my neurosis without making fun of me. He has a way of shedding light and calming me without being condescending.
6. My pool during this heat!
7. That peace that God gives when you ask for it and truly give up your worries to Him.
1. My sweet husband, I can't say enough good about this beautiful, funny man. I wish I had snapped a pic yesterday of him in his visor, because he looked adorable with those curls poking out everywhere!
2. My animals and finding good veterinarians here in Tyler. Leaving our vet behind in Shreveport was really hard because she is so awesome and is a blessing of a friend, but these vets and their staff do love our pets and that really helps for our fur babies!
3. My sister, there are just things that can't be replaced, and can't be fully put into words, my sister is one of those things. I'm convinced that in Sept of '84 God gave me one of the best gifts ever and that was Rene'. I'm forever grateful!
4. Friends who are there to love and support me and encourage me in life. I've heard it said that if you have more than a couple of true friends you are truly blessed, well consider me well beyond that! I have friends who call me daily and weekly, as if I never moved from Shreveport or live miles away from them wherever, because miles don't affect true friendships and I'm very grateful for all of them!
5. My OB, who is in town for the rest of the summer and laughs at my neurosis without making fun of me. He has a way of shedding light and calming me without being condescending.
6. My pool during this heat!
7. That peace that God gives when you ask for it and truly give up your worries to Him.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Random stuff
While in the pool the other day I saved the life of a dragon fly baby twice...
He was seriously too cute! At one point I put him on the bill of my hat to dry out, then he fly to safety!
Then while driving around I saw this beauty and couldn't help but snap a photo for everyone's entertainment...
Seriously dude?!?
Then last night I was feeling very bad and Filé snuggled up to make me feel better, she is really a sweet dog!!!
Last Friday, Jessica, my extraordinary hair girl gave me a new do and I'm proud to say I can actually fix it!!! Hooray!
Not so wordless on this Wednesday!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
He was seriously too cute! At one point I put him on the bill of my hat to dry out, then he fly to safety!
Then while driving around I saw this beauty and couldn't help but snap a photo for everyone's entertainment...
Seriously dude?!?
Then last night I was feeling very bad and Filé snuggled up to make me feel better, she is really a sweet dog!!!
Last Friday, Jessica, my extraordinary hair girl gave me a new do and I'm proud to say I can actually fix it!!! Hooray!
Not so wordless on this Wednesday!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, June 20, 2011
Husbands and IF or Baby Loss
So, I have thought about this a lot, and while my husband is no saint, he sure has been great throughout our losses and infertility. I've often wondered how deeply it affects him and know that he lets me know in subtle ways. He has his own fears and phobias and I know that while he doesn't remember exact dates like I do (what man does?) our experiences have touched him deeply. He's certainly not one for mushy gushy stuff and oftentimes if I mention anything he changes the subject or simply responds with an "I don't know what to say". He doesn't get as irate as I do about people saying or doing stupid things, but he gets his own degree of frustrated with people.
Sometimes I think that he never thinks about it like I do, but then he'll make a comment, or have a reaction and I know that it's on his mind sometimes too. Certainly the feelings aren't the same for men, they don't carry the children, and so they don't feel so much of the failure aspect that we as mothers do, but he's expressed his concerns before as to it "having something to do with me". So, again without massive conversations I know he worries too. He worries about all kinds of things, currently it is the lack of middle back seat to put a car seat in (which I'm not nearly so anxious about--funny huh?!!?).
I have to say that I know that infertility and loss reek havoc on a marriage oftentimes, and I know that I am blessed that it didn't tear us apart, but actually strengthened us as a couple. We've learned to talk more, we've learned how to grieve and how to let one another grieve differently, which can be very hard. My husband is my best friend, he's a constant support, he is there for me in all aspects of my life and encourages me in anything that I want to do or don't want to do. I'm very blessed, very very blessed and I know it.
If your marriage has suffered from infertility and loss, please know that I send you so much love and support and prayers to make it through this hard time. I'm certainly not trying to rub it in either that my experience hasn't been detrimental to my marriage, it has been tested for sure, but at this point it is thriving and I pray the same for all couples who endure this trial.
Feel free to leave any thoughts on the subject as I know so many people have so many different experiences and advice if you have any for people going through these things. My advice is to communicate, communicate, communicate, even when you want to crawl in a hole and never come out! It's way harder to communicate than to shut down, but more effective to talk it out, even if that means a screaming session or two, or needing to see a counselor, or seeking guidance from a pastor or trusted friend or family member.
Sometimes I think that he never thinks about it like I do, but then he'll make a comment, or have a reaction and I know that it's on his mind sometimes too. Certainly the feelings aren't the same for men, they don't carry the children, and so they don't feel so much of the failure aspect that we as mothers do, but he's expressed his concerns before as to it "having something to do with me". So, again without massive conversations I know he worries too. He worries about all kinds of things, currently it is the lack of middle back seat to put a car seat in (which I'm not nearly so anxious about--funny huh?!!?).
I have to say that I know that infertility and loss reek havoc on a marriage oftentimes, and I know that I am blessed that it didn't tear us apart, but actually strengthened us as a couple. We've learned to talk more, we've learned how to grieve and how to let one another grieve differently, which can be very hard. My husband is my best friend, he's a constant support, he is there for me in all aspects of my life and encourages me in anything that I want to do or don't want to do. I'm very blessed, very very blessed and I know it.
If your marriage has suffered from infertility and loss, please know that I send you so much love and support and prayers to make it through this hard time. I'm certainly not trying to rub it in either that my experience hasn't been detrimental to my marriage, it has been tested for sure, but at this point it is thriving and I pray the same for all couples who endure this trial.
Feel free to leave any thoughts on the subject as I know so many people have so many different experiences and advice if you have any for people going through these things. My advice is to communicate, communicate, communicate, even when you want to crawl in a hole and never come out! It's way harder to communicate than to shut down, but more effective to talk it out, even if that means a screaming session or two, or needing to see a counselor, or seeking guidance from a pastor or trusted friend or family member.
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