"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Monday, October 3, 2011

To be candid

I'm in a very good place in life, but that does not change where I've been. This is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I embrace the recognition that is slowly growing for bereaved mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunt, & uncles who have lived this painful road.

It is also Br.east Cancer awareness month (especially according to the NFL, love them boys in pink)! Also, a special place in my heart as one of my precious, beautiful, courageous, strong pledge sister battled and BEAT breast cancer, she was diagnosed at 29. Don't think youth is on your side, check your boo.bies!!!

This has me in a very contemplative mood tonight. Lately the name Layla is everywhere. Today I found myself staring aimlessly at a yogurt container in the grocery store from a Layla Farms brand. My baby was tiny and didn't become a full "person" by many standards out there, but in my eyes she is and will always be my daughter. There are days I can't help but wonder what she would've been like, what Michael would've been like. Would they look like Cala? Would she be very vocal, him very serious? Would she be a wide-eyed 3.5 yr old? Would he be an adventurous almost 2 year old? I don't know and I never will. I don't cry about it hardly ever anymore, and while I do think things happen for a reason I cannot think my babies' deaths happened "for a reason". That sounds cliché and hollow when in reference to life, life within me. I know good things have come from my losses, as God works good out of all things if you allow Him to. Today I celebrated that as I received a very special gift from a friend who just had her rainbow baby 10 days ago. We knew each other outside of loss, but bonded over it. I celebrate that I am a different person in many good ways because my losses have made me more sensitive, more cautious in words and questions, and more supportive to people in pain.

This month is one of my favorites as it includes football, my anniversary, my sister's anniversary, both my FIL & SIL's birthdays, and the beginning of cooler weather. Still this month always sends me back, helps me focus, remember, and accept the grief that is never fully gone.

If you know someone who has lost a baby...

Don't be afraid to mention it.

Ask questions if you're interested.

Send them an uplifting message.

Keep them in your prayers.

Show support by helping this not be a taboo subject.

We can face it, tackle it, grieve it, and learn from it, just like we do cancer.

Every situation gives us an opportunity to grow. How will you grow??

Sending so much love to my BLM friends! Thank you for walking this road with me, supporting me, and sharing your stories with me. It is a great honor to be entrusted with your heartbreaks and I don't take it lightly!

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