Can you pray for another friend?

My sweet bloggie friend at Thoughts From a Blonde got THE CALL on Sunday!! Yep, for those of you who've been there or are dreaming of being there, a birth mother picked her and her husband! I'm so happy for them that I was almost in tears when I heard!!! She has been a great support to me and lots of people through this journey, and I've been praying like a loon for them to get their perfect baby!! Please pray that all goes smoothly and that the birth parents sign over their rights tomorrow and J & B get to pick up their bring home baby and bring her home FOREVER tomorrow!!!! You can go visit them and wish them luck!

Keep your ears and eyes open...

My sweet blog friend, Summer, has an adoption website that is now up. I know lots of people read this blog and don't comment much, but please please Keep Your Antenna's up for my sweet friends!!! This is how we got the word out about our desire to adopt last fall and I know it can work!

You can go to www.browniesadopt.com and see their profile, and if you 'hear' of a birth mother considering a great family for her baby--pass this quick easy information on to her ASAP!!!

Adoption Scam update

We received a letter in the mail today informing us that the girl who called herself our birth mother is still in jail, and will be there with a parole option not coming until 2013. If she were to serve her full sentence, she'll be there until 2020, but that is highly unlikely as it's based on behavior, and we've learned she's a very good actress (unless of course you don't give her the amount of money she wants for a car). This sentence has NOTHING to do with the charges we brought against her, it is for previous offenses (including a previous adoption scam). We are still waiting waiting waiting for how they handle our charges and what the outcome of that will be.

These are my thoughts on this notice:

1. I'm glad they are keeping us informed as to her whereabouts.

2. I think she deserves to be there for a super super long time.

3. Her poor daughter doesn't have a mother, she'll be at least 3 before her mom even has a chance to get out of jail (on this sentence only). Please pray for her, as I can't imagine how this will affect her whole life. Nor how it would/will affect her to hear why her mom is in jail.

4. I'm still mad almost daily. The feelings I have for this woman are not quite to hate, because I don't put that much effort into it, but I get pissed on an almost daily basis when I think about the things that she lied to me about and how she manipulated us, and the situation she's left her child in.

I pray no one else goes through such a thing, though unfortunately through blogging, I know I'm not the only one to experience this.

My positive thoughts from this:

1. I'm glad she's off the streets and can't do this to another family, and I won't rest until I know that justice has been served and that no one else can be harmed by this one person. That being the result of our pain gives it meaning and makes me happy that we could help in some way.

2. If we hadn't suffered this we would never have sought out a new RE and would not be expecting, so God does bring good out of bad always! He is good all the time!

Update

Our former birthmother (wish I had another term for her as that wasn't really the case ever!), but whatever you want to call her, I'll use scammer, is currently behind bars. I say this not to gloat on her situation, but to say that I am certain that our role and having to endure this pain was to make sure that someone else didn't have to fall victim to this sick person. We will pursue making sure she is prosecuted to the full extent of the law, as ours was not a 'change of mind', but a full out scam job.

She is in jail due to a parole violation back in February, so what happens from here I am not really sure. I pray that in her incarceration that others will be praying for her salvation, as she does have a baby girl to consider. The anger I feel right now will not allow me to pray that specifically for her at this time, but I am praying that God will work on my heart in the future. I will ask that anyone who wants to please lift up the child in prayer because she doesn't have her mother right now, and she is an innocent by-stander, a precious child of God. Without a doubt, I believe that her grandmother is loving and caring for her, at least that's what I hope and pray.

I myself, will be gone this next week on a mission trip to New Orleans, LA with my high schoolers. New Orleans is probably my favorite place in the world. I love it there, the food, the culture, the history, the people watching, the atmosphere, everything. So, I am thrilled that we are helping in a place that really is near and dear to my heart. Going with my youth and watching them grow and share and love is a gift beyond words, so I'm super pumped about this trip. The next week I'll be with some other people that I dearly love, that is my former youth group in Shreveport, I'm going to camp with their mid high group, and I'm super ecstatic about that as well. There will be fun, adventure (think zip line, rock climbing, repelling, hiking), and worship, oh how I love worship!!!! These are going to be two awesome weeks, but I will miss my sweet husband.

If I haven't mentioned it lately, I adore him. Seriously!! He called me today and started laughing (he's hysterical and thinks so himself) and reminded me of our first 'real' date where we went to eat sushi and I dropped a piece in my soy sauce, splattering it all over my cream colored shirt--not so funny to me, but he thought it was hilarious, still does obviously. Still it made me laugh again, and he makes me laugh ALL THE TIME!!

I also got to meet with a sweet, beautiful woman of God named Keiah Ellis. She recently wrote a book, that I HIGHLY recommend to everyone. It's called "Aftermath" and it is God-breathed. Check it out--immediately!!

Happy Weekend to all!!!

Failed Adoption

It is over! the birthmother isn't giving her up. We shouldve followed our guts and bailed in the very beginning, but sometimes you do stupid things and instead I let my heart get too wrapped up in the possibility of it all.

We are heartbroken and crushed, we shouldve seen the signs. But she seemed to have an explaination for everything, though we didn't believe her. I will continue to pray for her and that child, but it will be hard!

Thank you all for your love and support! We're not sure where we will go from here. I'm exhausted and want to sleep for days!!!

Overwhelmed

Our birthmother will go into the hospital and be induced on Thursday morning. Sweet baby Cala will be here before we know it!

I feel overwhelmed, to know that my life will be changing so much what seems like overnight! I know that we have been prepping and getting ready, but today there are no children in my house and as of Thursday, I will be a mom--finally!!!

With that being said, I know that this situation is bringing my family much joy and excitement, but it will be a loss for another family. Please pray for them as they endure this great loss. Pray for peace, for comfort, and for healing, which I know will take time and never fully occur.

This has been a bumpy ride, and much harder than I think I anticipated. There are just things that you can't anticipate, and while I love surprises in gift form, I do not like surprises in my personal life. So, it has been hard, but completely worth it the whole way. Continue to pray for our birthmother as she makes this difficult decision and transition.

Coming soon...Cala Fay Troxclair!!!

Random

I haven't been writing much lately because I've had a lot going on, in life, in my head, etc. It's been a weird time for me.

If things go as planned our birthmother will be admitted to the hospital on Wednesday night (June 30th) next week and will probably deliver on July 1st. There have been some serious questions as to whether or not this was actually going to work out, so that's why none of this has been a subject on my blog. Some stuff is too private for blogging, you know. But today she informed me of the impending delivery of this little baby girl. So, as I sit here on a regular old Thursday night, I wonder if next Thursday night my whole world will be upside down? It's surreal to think that there could be a baby in our home in a few weeks (we'll have to stay in Louisiana to have paperwork finished before we can cross state lines). It's overwhelming. I think I used that word with Britt a few times today, overwhelming. I need to get some bottles, as that's one thing I have none of. So, I guess...here we go!!!

Aside from that I'm planning some new half marathon training. There is a half here on October 10th, so my sister, and my Julie are planning on coming over to run it and I think, quite a few of my running family is planning on coming too. I think Skinner is going to sit this one out, on the running end, but I'm going to see if she'll bring the cheer squad, in the form of herself and her two cute kiddos! The other D, said he's up for it, so the Double D's will be running it, he's who ran in NOLA with me--love me some D! So, here I sit typing when running it what I should be doing. Today is only 30 mins with five 30sec pickups throughout the run. I can do this!! I haven't been too active lately, well aside from weeding some 2 acres of flowerbeds, which are murder on my back! So, I'm invisioning my shoes lacing up themselves and my legs pulling me through a 30 min session... That visual stuff never works for me!

I haven't forgotten about the guessing of the birthdate, weight, and length prizes, you will be getting them when the baby is born, unless something goes wrong, in which case I claim full right to drop the ball on that!

So, please send up lots of prayers for us. For a smooth birth for our birthmother, for a healthy baby, for mine and Sean's sanity, and for those surrender papers to be signed 5 days after birth so Cala can be our forever baby girl! (My hands are shaking typing that!!).

****Just a note, I did, in fact run, it was exhilarating and painful! (In a good way). But I did feel like I was underwater in this soaring humidity from the fresh (much needed) rain here in the sweltering south today! Still, mission accomplished!***

Nursery pictures...

The much awaited nursery pictures are finally being posted. I'm very happy about how everything has turned out. I'm also excited about the things that I made myself, I covered her lamp shade, made the bulletin board, painted the Calla Lillies, and the "Monkey See Monkey Do" sign, put together the flower arrangement on her bookshelf, painted the letters of her name to match her bedding, and painted her cross and added the cute sequin monkey! I'm also going to do a nightlight to match her lampshade, so I'll post that later.

I decided to post a link to shutterfly for everyone to see the pictures there, as posting all of the pictures on here would be too much!! Also for those who don't want to look, you certainly don't have to!!!

http://calafaytroxclair.shutterfly.com/

I've also washed a lot of her clothes and put them in the closet, in her dresser, and am starting to pack up diaper bags.

I leave tomorrow for a mission trip in New Orleans with our college kids, which I'm very excited for, but I wanted to be as ready as possible before I left so I could give my all while I'm there. When I get back I'll be here for two weeks, then take our youth to camp, which I'm banking on being a life changing experience for them, so again I wanted to be able to give my all while we are there too! Please be praying for those trips, but also for our baby girl as we prepare to bring her home. She can come anytime after I get back from camp. Baby Mama will be 37 weeks on June 17th, which is full term, so we'll see when she arrives. Pray for an easy delivery for Baby Mama, as her first childbirth was very awful, and I know she doesn't want that to happen again! So, keep us all in your prayer!

Adoption specifics in Louisiana

We are adopting in Louisiana, and I have to say that for those of you who know me, that makes my heart smile a bit, as Cala will be born at the same hospital I was! How cool, huh?!!?

So, someone asked about why it takes so long in Louisiana. Who the heck knows, but in that state, the time for finalization of the adoption is one year after placement. I know in Texas it's only 6 months, and since my friend lives in Alabama, but did her adoption in Louisiana (she's from LA too!), there it is just a matter of you getting in front of a judge to finalize it, so that can be really quick (in Alabama). Every state is different, each have different laws, as to what you can provide a birthmother, if they do a paternal registry, how long it takes to finalize, etc. If you're interested in knowing more, there is a great chart in "The Idiot's Guide to Adoption" that lists some basics from state to state. It's good information to have.

We could move our adoption to Texas, in order to have it done faster, but that would require another attorney and more paperwork, who needs that, right?!?! So, we'll be official about a year after placement, though our hearing last week made us the legal guardians until then (after the birthmother signs over her rights). Another interesting fact, that I did not know is that the baby will not have our last name initially, that will also be official in a year, when the adoption is final. I will say I didn't love that, but I'm pretty sure they go by both names until then. She will have a new birth certificate issued with us listed as her parents, and giving her our last name. Interesting facts for you there.

If you ever have any other questions, please ask and I'll share whatever I know. I'm happy to help someone else with some of the background work for this process.

I have almost finished Cala's nursery, but I'm not posting pictures yet, I won't until it's done. Why? Because I'm OCD, and I want you to see the finished product! But I will say this... It is SOOOOO CUTE!!!!

Mother's Day

First of all, Happy Mother's Day to my mom, who gave me life, loves me unconditionally, taught me to love God, and supports me all the time. She gave me a Mother's day gift, from Layla and Michael. It's a pitcher from Pier One. We Reid women have a sick obsession with dishes. I seriously could buy dishes constantly, I have to make myself not do it! So, thank you for that Mom, that was a beautiful gesture and I appreciate it so very much. Layla and Michael are my children and I am their mother forever!

Secondly, it's Mother's Day (well technically not anymore since it's so late!). Today was fraught with ups and downs. Getting to church this morning and seeing friends was great, the music was, as usual, AWESOME. I'm grateful to go to a church (at home) with such great talent, and that makes me feel so at home, (no offense to my church here in Tyler, it's just not home). I started out fine and I flip-flopped between fine, ok, not-so-good, and sad all day long.

I'm putting this on here, so prepare. Dealing with a birthmother is H-A-R-D! I'm confident she feels the same way. She's having her own issues in life (which seem quite overwhelming without the whole 'I'm giving my baby to someone else' thing), and she's hormonal, and while we both have the best interest of the baby at heart, we are human people, dealing with our own human emotions. It doesn't help that we only communicate via text, which I think is a piss poor way to talk. That's all I seem to get, and you can't communicate feelings, emotion, and tone that way. So, I find that I think she is pissed pretty much constantly, and I think she thinks the same of me. Truth be told, sometimes I am pissed. I'm pissed that she is carrying this baby and I'm not. I'm pissed that this isn't just some easy peesy, hallmark movie that goes just so and no one ever gets upset. I'm pissed that it's hard! Who knows what I really expected in the beginning, but it hasn't gone 'that way', not that I can identify 'that way' or that I could've told you what 'that way' was beforehand. We (me and baby mama) have in our moments of clarity, said that this is hard, we both recognize that, and that we wish there were a manual to tell us how to handle all of this. So, I think that's the best we can hope for.

I know that God gave me these circumstances for a reason, and I see glimmers of them here and there and I know they will become more clear as time goes on. I am grateful to have a birthmother, grateful to be getting a baby in the next 6-8 weeks (yes, seriously, that soon!!). I am grateful to have the love and support of my family, and though it's often hard, I'm grateful that I communicate with my birthmother. I hope that in the end we will both be better for all that we've gone through. Most of all I hope that for all that is good, God gets the glory, and for where it fails, that all know it's my humanness taking over, not God dropping the ball.

That's my Mother's Day post. Happy Mother's Day to all and to all a good night!

Prayers

I have three prayer requests today:

The first is for my sweet Kindred Spirit, Andrea, as today marks her son, Christian's first Heavenly Birthday. I know she misses him so much, but I know that her strength of spirit and faith in God has led her to see the great good that He has pulled from this pain! Just send up a special prayer for her!

The second is that our hearing for preapproval placement for Cala is tomorrow. Just pray that all goes well. I have no clue what to expect, but my attorney's office made it seem pretty simple, so prayers for that!

The third is for Baby Mama, life seems to just constantly be dumping on her, like a black cloud is following her. She recently lost her grandmother, and I know how hard that is, as I still grieve the loss of Granny. Her car is in the shop again, yeilding her unable to get around on her own, which we all know is frustrating. So, just pray for her peace, for a little bit of sunshine in her life, a reprieve from the trials.

I hope everyone is having a great Thursday, I am! I just enjoyed my pool (though hubby hates it and thinks the vacuum motor is out!?!?).

Babies R Us

I've been debating this post over and over, but have decided in honesty, I just needed to post it.

Yesterday, Sean and I headed over to BRU to get a carseat for little Miss Cala Fay. We did leave with quite a lot more, which was not all my doing, as Sean is going to spoil this little girl.

Here's the thing about that store, it reminds me constantly of what I haven't had, there are pregnant people everywhere, people dragging around their screaming babies (and I mean tiny babies), people with huge bellies that look at me funny because I don't have one, people who are experiencing the pains, flutters, discomfort, and wonder that is pregnancy. I have such a hard time in that store. For some reason this baby super depo really makes me uncomfortable, I have gone in more than once and turned around quickly and bolted out. Yesterday, though I did manage to stay for a little while, but I wanted to bolt, and more than once I had to choke back tears, as I am still not sure I should be in there. Your mind plays horrible tricks on you when you are going through something that challenges you, I pray it's an effort to make me a stronger person. I though about all of the things that could go wrong, how horrible it would be to get these things, and end up with nothing in the end. I struggled through that visit, and yet, knew that I needed to make it through, like some of that tough love therapy. We did get a carseat, and a pack-n-play (with pinks because Sean said we could just get another one if we have a boy one day), some gowns, and a few outfits. We're waiting to get the furniture to get the mattress and changing pad, so any tips about doing that would be greatly appreciated. **Any thoughts on the fact that when I got home there was a flyer in the mail stating that pretty much everything we bought will be on sale Friday, should I return it and re-buy, talk to the manager, what to do? It's a significant amount of money overall.***

When I left I emailed my sweet friend Beth, told her about my near breakdown and asked if it was normal to feel this way. Thank you God for friends like Beth who explain that that fear of losing another baby doesn't go away until you actually have them in your arms! She also stated that this isn't what God intends, that I should be enjoying my time and celebrating my baby and that fear is NOT from God. Thank you Beth.

A few weeks ago a sweet lady named Amy, who was connected to me through my husband, called me to introduce herself and tell me that she was a three time adoptive mommy (a girl, then less than 2 years later, twin boys), and went on three years after that to have a biological child. She invited me to a luncheon today that was to support the Christian Homes Adoption ministry, where she was adopted from as a child (nice little bit of info she shared today, warmed my heart), and the guest speaker was Sheila Walsh. If you've ever been to Women of Faith, you've heard Sheila, as she's amazing. Her testimony is one of fear, overcoming, and God's grace. I'm not sure what anyone else heard in her message today, but I heard..."Do not let fear control you." "If God is for us, who shall be against us?". Was that message given FOR ME? It felt like it and I told Amy that, I greatly appreciate her inviting me. It was weird because they had people stand who were involved in adoption, and though I didn't want to, (not for shame, but because I didn't really feel worthy), I did stand and honor my daughter that WILL be coming to be part of my forever family.

This path, this journey, it isn't easy, as I've learned from other people and felt on my own walk, but I know that we were meant to adopt, and I'm excited to welcome my baby girl into my life.

While I say that, I ask that everyone continue to remember baby mama as we continue this walk. Her surrender is not going to be easy, the remaining weeks of her pregnancy will most likely be the hardest, and I ask that you pray for her. I've been trying to read as much as I can about adoption, from the birthmother point of view, the adoptee point of view, and ways to open my own point of view to not focus completely on myself (which is easy to do in this case), and I pray that I will be able to be a better mother, a better supporter and advocate for adoption, and that this will be a happily-ever-after story for our family, including baby mama!

While at the luncheon today, I picked up a DVD and a book of GiGi, who is Sheila Walsh's children's book character, I can't wait to read to Cala about how she is a princess in God's kingdom and have her know that with her whole heart!

Next step in the Adoption

Today we got the paperwork that we had to have notorized that will set us up a hearing to be pre-approved for Cala's placement with us following her adoption. Seems like a big thing to me and it makes me excited as this feels more and more real. I think for those who haven't been through this they can't understand, but for me this is so hard to believe. And I know in the back of my head that this could end poorly. I don't know how our birthmother could provide for this baby girl, but I know that she has every right in the world to change her mind in the end. This baby is hers biologically, and while I feel that she was made for us, I know that she wasn't made by us. She will always have two "mothers" no matter what anyone says or does, and that also is hard for me. I want to have her all to myself, but know that that will never be the case, no matter how I behave, so I ought to do what is best for Cala and give her all the information that I can about her birthmother and support her in every way that I can, which may include one day finding her birthmother.

I pray that this goes according to our plan, but I know that ultimately it is HIS plan and I'll continue by faith and not by sight to trust the one who loves me the most. I just honestly pray now that His will is the same as mine currently :).

All of that being said, our birth mother is 29 weeks 5 days today. That leaves 10 weeks and 2 days until Cala's due date!! Who thinks she'll come on time? Who thinks she'll be early? Who thinks she'll be late? I'll take your guesses and votes and whoever wins will get a piece of jewelry from Mama Mia . I'll take guesses on her weight and length too and award winners in those two categories as well!! Come on ladies, get to guessing!!!!

Adoption

This word seems to be ruling my head, heart, and everything right now. I'm a reader, I LOVE to read and when I'm interested in something I try to learn as much as I can about the subject. So, after reading some suggestions over on Thoughts From a Blonde's post, I ordered I think 7 books. I've read two and am half way through a third. And here's the report I have on that...

Dear Birthmother by Kathleen Silber and Phylis Speedlin
This book is all about OPEN adoption, not semi-open, or anything like that and it's adamantly against closed adoption. I'm not pro any kind of adoption, as I've never been involved before in adoption, so I can't fully form an informed opinion. I will say prior to starting my journey, I wanted a completely closed adoption, no information, no contact, nothing. But if you've read my blog you know that's not what happened or how our path progressed. This book was enlightening on many different things. I can't say that I agree totally with all of the points of this book, but I know that I learned from it, and that I can appreciate that these women are highly educated and affected by adoption and have the best of intentions. I know that having some knowledge about your birthmother/father can be very helpful and useful, especially when it comes to medical history and knowing what to look for or expect/anticipate in the future. I also feel that letting your birthmother know that her child is developing well and is happy and well loved can be nothing but good for her.

Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolff
This book was amazing and I highly recommend it. Her adoption was one of mixed race and the truth that she shares in this book regarding that and all other topics adoption are refreshing. As is evident by my blog, I'm an open book, I have a hard time holding back or not being honest, and this book is just that--HONEST. Some things are so hard to read because you know they are true, but you don't want to say them to yourself, much less anyone else. This book touched my heart and I recommend it to all adopting parents.

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge
I'm only halfway through this one, but it's good. It's hard to read as well. As adoptive parents (and families) we'd love to believe that adoption is a complete win, that there is no sadness and no loss involved, but that is ridiculous. There is loss, for everyone involved and honesty is, in my opionion, the best policy. Hearing how some of these children feel, I pray my child doesn't ever feel some of these sadnesses, but I know that as a parent, it's my responsibility to be there for and support my child no matter what. It is not an option to put my head in the sand and act like my child should never be affected by her adoption. So, I'm trying to arm myself with as much knowledge as I can to be able to fully support and help my child develop into the most beautiful, strong, confident person that she can be. Some of that is embracing that she will sometimes be sad and want to ask about her birthmother and know things about her, of which I hope to have plenty of information to share. This book is enlightening so far, and though some of the points aren't completely relevant, the author says that she was a child of closed adoption that wasn't talked about in the 40's. So, our situation will be different, but the points are still very valid and helpful.

Also on my list to read is...
20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed by Sherrie Eldridge

Then onto...
The Happiest Baby on the Block
On Being Baby Wise
What to Expect in the First Year

I'm open to suggestions as well.

It's easy to be scared when you are about to have a baby, that happens when you are adopting too, if not moreso. I'm not experiencing the impending signs of motherhood, no kicks, no inability to sleep, no mood swings (though this may count as nesting, along with the nursery prep), and so it's hard to internalize what's taking place. I just pray that I am prepared enough to give my child all that I can and love her the best that I can!

If anyone has any suggestions for preparing Dad, I'm open to those too, as I know Sean isn't going to read all these books, but some tips or anything would be appreciated!

I wanted to share one more thing today and that was that my BFF from grad school called to tell me today that she is in fact, having twins!!! I'm so thrilled for her, but that's not the whole story. She has a patient at her nursing home who is 60and recently had a stroke. For those of you who don't know depending on where the bleed happens it can affect you in many different ways, well her patient was telling her about her children (she has 2 or 3, a little confused too) and she was very fired up and had no inhibition whatsoever, and said "When people talk about having to be pregnant to have a baby, I just want to tell them to take a flying leap!! Being pregnant doesn't make you a mother, and just because you aren't pregnant doesn't mean you aren't or won't be a mother!". She said she thought of me and told the lady I was adopting and the patient asked when I would be bringing my baby home, and was told shortly after she is born. The patient said that was wonderful and that I would be so blessed by this baby. So, thanks random patient lady, I appreciate your thoughts!! And I ask you all to pray for the safe arrival of these sweet twins that I can't wait to meet!

New Day

Today is a new day and I feel like a new person. The weather was glorious today, I'm not sure there is even a word to really put how perfect it was! I get to go to a job that I love everyday, and work with someone that is very fun and has the same passion that I do for youth. That in and of itself is such a great blessing, and something I've been praying for for quite some time.

My day started beautifully, as I went to Pray Date and Katy had posted a song by one of my favorite groups, NeedtoBreathe. It's called Lay it Down and it just reinforces our need to surrender our concerns, our fears, our worries to God. Thanks for the reminder Katy!

I did some research on books regarding Adoption, I've already read a few, but I want to read more. I want to know about the adopted kids and how they feel, what things they might struggle with, and how to address those issues. Knowing full well I can't be prepared for everything, but wanting to educate myself as best I can (while I still have free time to read (: !!). It all still seems so surreal, and I'm wondering if I'll wake up and find it all to be a dream.

We continue to move forward. We received our background checks today, and I'm clean, bet you're all glad to know that!! Not that I could've ever worked with children had I not been, but now I have the 'official' paper to prove it! We'll get that to our attorney and our social worker tomorrow, as I think that is the final portion of information that she needs for our home study. I'd like that to be completely finalized, it will just feel more 'official'.

I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of the nursery furniture, as I can't wait to see it, we picked it out of a catalog basically. Sean is excited that it's a 'boat of a bed', very sturdy and strong! I, of course, can't wait to see it in the nursery and see how good it looks with the newly painted walls.

Thank you all who read my blog and send me sweet comments, they really do bless my soul and I'm grateful. I hope that in some way I convey ways that people feel, and that I can be helpful to someone else who is going through some of the same things. I know each path is unique, and we all have to deal in our own ways, but I'm grateful to have this outlet and to have the support of my friends and family while we walk this winding road!!

Emotions

I think that emotions are a bummer. Mainly because the yucky ones sneak up without cause. I shouldn't be having a rough day today, but I am. It's just been a funky Tuesday.

Today I miss my babies. Some days I'm ok, and though I always think about it, some days are better than others, this is an other day!! People are pregnant everywhere, you never notice how much until it's not you and you desperatly want it to be you! It's just a hard place to be.

I feel like a lot of the joy with my adoption has been taken secondary to the stressful situations we've faced, the possibility of it not happening (for a few weeks there), and the concern over whether or not it will happen in the end. All of these things are so beyond my control that I must daily surrender them to God and know that He will provide. Sometimes I just wonder when and if He will provide a baby for me and Sean. I pray so, I pray that this adoption works out for us.

Today I'd like to say a huge thank you to my girls, specifically the other four of the fab 5 that are traveling this road with me. Without the love of Andrea, Nan, Shandrea, and Angie, I'm sure this road would have been infinitely harder. I am grateful each and every day that God gave me these sweet friends to walk this road with hand and hand! I wanted to share the necklace that I got from Andrea and Nan that is so very special to me. It has my babies' names on it and their birthstones! Thank you girls for this, it means the world to me!

What's happening as of Today...

Today my dad was supposed to go home from the hospital, but he didn't as he had some chest pain overnight. It didn't occur to me, but did to my amazing husband that this was a good thing in that my dad had actually told them that this was happening! He's listening (even if only a little)!! So, he's spending the night again, and I'm headed home in a little while so I can be there tomorrow because my mom really has to go back to work. Please continue to pray for his recovery, and that he'll take better care of himself in the future!

O'Brien is still MIA, which continues to sadden me profusely! I just can't imagine that someone hasn't tried to return him yet, though I know he's the cutest dog in America and he is super sweet, you would think they would want to find his owners. Since we have information at every vet/pound/shelter in town, it should be easy to find us, plus there are posters, I made bigger ones last night!! So, keep praying that my little love will come home, nothing seems right at home without him!

Finally, on the adoption, it is still up in the air! Yesterday I would've told you that it was moving forward, but today, not so much. We are waiting to hear from our attorney again tomorrow, and are hoping that there will be a solution found. This yo-yo of emotions is beginning to be too much, and this is truly not all that I have on my plate right now, obviously. I wish that this had been handled completely different from the beginning, but this is a lesson learned. We will praise God for all that He gives us, even if it's only lessons, as His plan is far greater than mine! If this doesn't work out we will be sad, but we will recover, there is nothing that Sean and I can't do together, God definately knew what He was doing when He made this team!

Wow!!

This weekend seemed as if it was the worst, and I must say I was feeling pretty sorry for myself Sunday night, but in a therapeutic way. That would be curled up in my chair and a half with snacks, my dogs that aren't missing, my cat, and the Oscars. It was nice until...

My phone was in my room charging and I heard it dinging away, but I ignored it to indulge in my laziness in the chair and waiting on Sandra Bullock's impending acceptance speech (I knew she would win, isn't she a doll?!!?). So, I finally go back and check my phone and get a "Call me 911" text from hubby. This doesn't alarm me as we can be slightly dramatic, but I call quickly. He somehow spills out the news that my dad has had a heart attack without it being the worst news EVER. Guess that working in the ICU really does teach you great skills. I am bawling however, as this has always been a huge fear in our family because there is so much heart disease on my dad's side (he's the oldest living male, most have died before 55, he's 63). So, sweet hubby explains that they think it's minor and he doesn't want me driving upset, but that he knows I'll feel better if I go home. He knows me so well, and is the best husband ever (in case I haven't mentioned it lately). I repack my bag (as I had just gotten back to Tyler the night before, you know to look for my lost 11 year old dog), and headed home. By the time I got there they had him stable and daddy was way tired, so I said hello, went home with mom (they won't let you spend the night in the ICU) and she and I snuggled up in bed together, waiting on my sister and BIL to arrive (mind you they had just arrived back in New Orleans like 5 hours prior). They packed up and made the 5 hour drive back and arrived around 6 am. So, we are all here together (since hubby drove over after he got off work at 7 am, and then drove back to be at work for 7pm, see the best!!!).

Dad is doing well, just very tired, and therefore grumpy (I come by it honestly, sleep is important people). They did a heart cath today, found some blockage, placed a stent, and did an echocardiogram on him. He should be ok, just needs to eat better and take his meds consistently.

Scarey, weird weekend! Hoping for brighter days ahead, but God won't give me more than I can handle and has surrounded me with the best friends ever! I'm grateful that whatever trials and joys I face, I never face them alone because my life is full of angels! Thank you to my sweet friends and family!

My dog is still missing, so please pray that he'll be found and returned as I'm really freaking out about him at this point, we've been BFFs for the past 11 years, and I'm not sure what to do without him!

We aren't quite sure of the status of our adoption at this point. I'm waiting to hear back from our attorney, so if I don't tomorrow, I'll call there. They have been wonderful and I appreciate them greatly. Continue to pray for baby girl, Sean and I, and for baby mama. This situation is hard for everyone involved and none of us have done it before, so we don't know how to handle the whole thing and appreciate your prayers!

Trouble in Paradise

Not that my life is complete paradise, but I consider myself quite blessed indeed!! I thank God daily for what He has blessed me with and know that He is so generous on my behalf.

With that said, our adoption seems to be heading south right now. It doesn't look as if it's going to happen, due to circumstances that were not brought about by ourselves. The demands that keep coming in and the correspondence that is being recieved are not favorable. That is actually putting it mildly, but I don't want to go into full details. I will ask for continued prayer for both of us, for the baby, and for the birthmother and the situation that she is facing.

That has been ongoing and then yesterday morning my husband called to tell me that my dog (we have 3, this one is MINE) who is 11 years old and has been my constant companion for all these years, is missing. He cannot be found anywhere! O'Brien (a.k.a. the Cutest Dog in America--I tell him everyday) wears a radio collar and it's huge and he won't go near the perimeter, but we're afraid the batteries died without our knowledge and that he wandered out of our yard. I can only pray (and ask for you to pray too) that some sweet person picked him up to keep him safe and they will return them when they see my huge 11X17 laminated posters up near our house! Please pray for his safe return as my heart is torn in two by not having my little guy here. I just hope he's safe, not hurt, and we can bring him home ASAP!!!

Please keep us in your prayers as these seem to be really trying times and we are desperately seeking God's will and His guidance, and trying not to control situations ourselves!

Thank you!!!

Our Baby Finding Miracle

So, if you haven't already read the pre-story part of this, please do that as it tells how we came to this decision to adopt.

But if you have, I felt so selfish for not sharing the goodness that God has blessed us with, so here goes...

When deciding to adopt, Sean and I were just not comfortable with any agencies that we came across. Please don't think that I mean that they are bad, or anything like that, just know that everyone's travel down this road is different. I continually felt that what I needed to do was to put the word out there and wait. Sounds ridiculous, but when I discussed it with Sean he said that he felt that too! Crazy!! I had to steel my mind from the thoughts that doing it like this could take FOREVER!!! Being able to do this came from the complete peace that I had that God was guiding that decision and that it was going to happen rather quickly. I know this isn't everyone's experience, but I continually felt that in my heart. My friend, I'll call her Precious, had sent me the verse from Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God". Then when I was listening to a song that day, that I had never really listened to, it repeated that over and over. The song is "Meet You in the Silence" by Mark Sorensen, get on itunes and get it today!! I listened to that song over and over and over (along with "Desperation" and "Dance Like David" also from that album). This for me was just confirmation that God was at work and I didn't need to fret, so there's the background to that!!

Right around New Year's I got a fb friend request from OB, she asked me some questions about running, which you all know I love to answer and love to encourage people! Then a few days later I got a message saying something along these lines...

I was just wondering, HYPOTHETICALLY, if I had a patient who wanted to put her baby up for adoption, would you like to be put in contact with her? How would you like to do that?...

I responded back that I'd need to check with my attorney, but never did that. We had a possible adoption situation in our midst at that time with a baby who had already been born and was connected through a friend of mine who has adopted, anyhow that didn't work out (totally God's plan, and I felt that peace completely too). So, with this opportunity, I wanted to 'evaluate' the birthmother myself, to see how she really felt, to check my gut feelings and see what would come of it, if in fact, there was an actual birthmother to meet.

Well, about a week later, she sent me another message asking if I had talked to my attorney as she really did HAVE a patient who wanted to put her baby up for adoption. I told her that I just wanted her to contact me directly.

Little did I know that this was what had happened on the other end...
OB had some extra time waiting for her partner to go eat lunch, so she was playing on fb and read my blog, realizing that we wanted to adopt. THAT afternoon Baby Mama came in a said that she wanted to put her baby up for adoption and wondered if OB could be any help (Divine Intervention, I KNOW so!!). She responded very calmly that she had read a friend's blog that morning and we wanted to adopt and gave Baby Mama some time to think about it. Well, a few days later Baby Mama contacted her and wanted our information. OB offered my phone number, which freaked Baby Mama out completely, she said, "I thought yeah right, I'm going to call up this complete stranger and be like, Hey! You want my baby?!!?". So she got my email address instead.

Baby Mama emailed me and I immediately felt this peace overcome me and I could just tell that she was a good person in a tough position. We decided to meet that Saturday (which I briefly mentioned here after), thoroughly hit it off and were so completely content that I know that though neither of us wanted to say it immediately, we were done!! Sean needed to meet her, but I knew that they would completely hit it off because Baby Mama is funny and sarcastic like him, but I also knew she was genuine. Sean and I are both put off by fake people, and people who try to push their agenda too much. I knew that Baby Mama wasn't like that and wouldn't do that. We decided we would meet again with him the following Friday.

To say that the next week went by like a constipated snail is a gross understatement. I DRUUUUUUUUUUG on, for me, Baby Mama, and Sean. The closer the meeting came the more fidgety Sean got, the more panicked Baby Mama got, and bless both of their hearts, I knew that it was going to be fine, but they were so worried that one wouldn't like the other!! You know the rest of the story...

I'll tell you some other really funny things that some people chalk up to coincidence, but that I know are controlled by the one who controls it all.

1. I've always wanted to have a baby in the summer so that we could do swimming pool parties, because my birthday was always too early for that!

2. I've always wanted a blonde baby and both Baby Mama and birthfather were blondy babies!

3. My sister and BIL are now financially stable and can spoil our baby the way they want to!

4. This won't interfere with any of my marathon training (until July when I'll be too busy staring at my baby to run!! Though plans for a jogging stroller are in the works and recommendations are more than welcome!)

Now for the two questions that everyone wants an answer to...

Baby girl Troxclair is due July 8th, though she may come a little earlier than that! And yes! We do have a name (we've only been talking about this for three years!!) Her name will be Cala Fay Troxclair. Cala is greek for beautiful. Fay is my middle name and my granny's middle name, so there was no question about that!!

Thank you all for your love, prayers, and encouragment! We are so greatful to God for blessing us in this special way and can't wait to meet our sweet girl. I'm headed to the appointment with Baby Mama tomorrow, so hopefully we'll have some pictures that I can scan in to share!!