"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day

First of all, Happy Mother's Day to my mom, who gave me life, loves me unconditionally, taught me to love God, and supports me all the time. She gave me a Mother's day gift, from Layla and Michael. It's a pitcher from Pier One. We Reid women have a sick obsession with dishes. I seriously could buy dishes constantly, I have to make myself not do it! So, thank you for that Mom, that was a beautiful gesture and I appreciate it so very much. Layla and Michael are my children and I am their mother forever!

Secondly, it's Mother's Day (well technically not anymore since it's so late!). Today was fraught with ups and downs. Getting to church this morning and seeing friends was great, the music was, as usual, AWESOME. I'm grateful to go to a church (at home) with such great talent, and that makes me feel so at home, (no offense to my church here in Tyler, it's just not home). I started out fine and I flip-flopped between fine, ok, not-so-good, and sad all day long.

I'm putting this on here, so prepare. Dealing with a birthmother is H-A-R-D! I'm confident she feels the same way. She's having her own issues in life (which seem quite overwhelming without the whole 'I'm giving my baby to someone else' thing), and she's hormonal, and while we both have the best interest of the baby at heart, we are human people, dealing with our own human emotions. It doesn't help that we only communicate via text, which I think is a piss poor way to talk. That's all I seem to get, and you can't communicate feelings, emotion, and tone that way. So, I find that I think she is pissed pretty much constantly, and I think she thinks the same of me. Truth be told, sometimes I am pissed. I'm pissed that she is carrying this baby and I'm not. I'm pissed that this isn't just some easy peesy, hallmark movie that goes just so and no one ever gets upset. I'm pissed that it's hard! Who knows what I really expected in the beginning, but it hasn't gone 'that way', not that I can identify 'that way' or that I could've told you what 'that way' was beforehand. We (me and baby mama) have in our moments of clarity, said that this is hard, we both recognize that, and that we wish there were a manual to tell us how to handle all of this. So, I think that's the best we can hope for.

I know that God gave me these circumstances for a reason, and I see glimmers of them here and there and I know they will become more clear as time goes on. I am grateful to have a birthmother, grateful to be getting a baby in the next 6-8 weeks (yes, seriously, that soon!!). I am grateful to have the love and support of my family, and though it's often hard, I'm grateful that I communicate with my birthmother. I hope that in the end we will both be better for all that we've gone through. Most of all I hope that for all that is good, God gets the glory, and for where it fails, that all know it's my humanness taking over, not God dropping the ball.

That's my Mother's Day post. Happy Mother's Day to all and to all a good night!


  1. I'm sorry Mother's Day was hard for you. And I cannot even imagine how hard it is dealing with a birthmom, and I loved the honesty of this post. I cannot even imagine how hard it is, but I know it must be REALLY hard. We have so little control in life anyway, but when someone else is carrying the child we hope to call our own, the control is even less. And it's so difficult.

    Thinking of you, and hoping these next 8 weeks of her pregnancy go well and that you'll have a beautiful baby to hold sooner than later. :)

  2. Sorry it was a rough day and its totally okay to be pissed! I was kind of thinking you might be at FUMC Sunday and was hoping to bump in to you. We had plans to go to church (and I was so excited b/c its been awhile since I've been able to go to my home church here still isn't home) and then to lunch, but a sweet pukey child kept us home. Maybe next time we can bump into each other. Hope your state line crossing was less "blah" than mine.

  3. I hate BabyMama Drama! You, more than most, deserve to have this be easy, but I know that when you have Cala at home, snuggling with her, all of this will fade into the recesses of your mind and all be worth it! I know yesterday was hard, but you made it through! I am praying for you today!

  4. Sending you ((HUGS)) Praying for your comfort.

  5. Always, always thinking of and praying for you and Baby Mama...I can only imagine. When we were pursuing adoption, I always prayed for whoever would turn out to be baby mama because I can't even begin to think about the levity of the decision...

    Still lifting you all and thinking about how sweet holding your little Cala will be.
    Lots of love!!!

  6. Sending you hugs and lots of love.