New Year's Eve

I know that's what most people think of today & obviously that crosses my mind too.

Though in my life today marks the due date for my second angel baby, Michael. Had all things gone well I would be at home celebrating a first birthday! While the pain is less this year, it's still there and the images of a sweet little almost one year old at Christmas still flash across my mind! It doesn't go away, not ever. My MIL lost her last baby on NYE years ago and still recalls it. It never goes away.

One of my sweet sorority sisters lost a baby earlier this year. Her angel would be due today and having been there I know it's sad. On a side note, after her loss, she did the same thing I did and ran a half marathon (we were both inactive in college) and to say she did well is quite the understatement! She kicked butt!!! Much love to you honey!!

So Happy NYE! Remembering angel babies all over!

Deni

Year in Review 2010

I'm going to make this short and sweet...

Bad things in 2010:

1. O'Brien dying. This was really the worst thing of the year. That may sound ridiculous, considering #2, but when you're a dog lover and had a dog for 11 years, the loss is profound! I think about him everyday, literally every single day. When I pulled out my Christmas things his stocking was in there and his little Bah Humbug hoodie (which he hated, but was perfect for him), and I cried a river of tears for my little guy!

2. Our adoption that was a scam (sadly today I came across more ultrasound pics, which I thought I had gotten rid of, and it just baffled me to think that someone could be so very intentionally cruel). I feel like I'm over the anger most of the time, but sometimes it just overwhelms me again!

Good things about 2010:

1. I got a job at the church doing exactly what I've been wanting to do for a few years now, overseeing all of the girls ministry activities! Bonus: I love the people I work with!

2. I started making friends in Tyler, which was a must! Thanks to Kristi for making me feel so welcome and always making me laugh. Also got to meet a fellow BLM, Brittany, who is like a sister now and we have a blast together, I think, even when we're sad about our babies!

3. After losing O'Brien we got O'Hara. She is a bag of handful and more of a diva than anyone I know, but she's pretty cute and entertaining too. Still, like children, one animal never replaces another!

4. Hubby got a new partner at work, which lightened the load, at least for a little while!

5. My Fab5 (other 4) encouraged me and helped me to find a great RE, who I saw in September initially (following a rave recommendation from sweet Amy). We had testing done, found our culprit and how to treat it. This leads to #6...

6. We are pregnant and farther along than we've ever been with things looking great. We are thankful beyond words, and I wish that I could give this gift to every BLM out there who is still waiting on their rainbow baby!

These are just highlights, there are many more good things that happened this year (my getting to go to 4 LSU games, only one of which we lost), and for all of the blessings, and all of the wonderful people in our lives I'm soooo full of joy!

I believe it's time...

to let you know that there is a baby Troxclair on the way! I am 12 weeks pregnant today! We are very excited and have had great appointments throughout this entire pregnancy (today was our 5th u/s, so lots of pics of baby T). If you look over at the new page I've made it tells the whole story of this pregnancy. After the Natural Killer Cell hyperactivity diagnosis, Dr. S (the RE in Dallas) recommended IVF, as there are meds that need to be administered at very specific times, and he felt this was our best option. We did that, actually a Micro IVF, which uses lower doses of meds (thank goodness! as I overstimulated). So, I've been writing entries and not publishing them, but I wanted to have record of the whole process, so check out Additional Info on my homepage.

I know this news is hard for some people to read, and believe me I completely understand, and while I hope you'll all continue to follow, I completely understand if you can't right now. I won't give any flowery words about how your time is coming and all the positive crap because I know that it really doesn't help at this point. The only advice I do have is this...if you have seen an RE and had a horrible experience, felt like they weren't listening, thought maybe you were at a cattle ranch being herded through, or have been doing the same thing over and over, there is hope. Try to find another RE, as not all of them are most interested in making money! I highly recommend the Sher Institutes (www.haveababy.com). And I wish you good luck!!!

I don't want this blog to be all about baby, so when we know what we're having we will be starting a blog just for our child and future children! I'll put some u/s pics up there when I make it!

***for anyone who wants to see them, there are u/s pics now on the additional info page at the bottom***

Hair Jazz

Last year my hilarious fun friends, Susie & Jennifer (aka Skinner) decided to start a new tradition. We started a monthly girls night out, referred to as Guhs. There are membership requirements, but they're top secret! We started with an annual Christmas party/hair jazz competition. Last year I won hands down, but this year the Guhs brought their A game & I slid to third place (happily as it was hilarious to go to a restaurant with 9 Guhs with hair jazz, some of which lit up!!)!




Emily and I at 1st annual hair jazz competition.




2nd annual hair jazz competition.

Merry Christmas to all and thanks to my Guhs for making it fun! I love y'all!!

Just remembering...

Today how very blessed I am to have so many people who love me, care about me, and want the best for me! What a comforting feeling and how very blessed I am!!

Merry Christmas!

Deni

Wordless Wednesday

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Oh Christmas Tree and My Fur Babies

Wishing everyone a Merry Merry Christmas as we all remember our babies and celebrate the blessings that we do have! My fur babies make things brighter at my house...

I'll never catch Tasso (the cat) for a good pic, but here he and O'Hara are having fun with some ribbon I dropped!

Sampson, my sweet boy, is chilling on the sofa!

Caught Noble looking while she was stretching
The lighting is too bright but her bow has Christmas trees and her shirt says "Santa Baby"!
All the babies got groomed yesterday, but Noble would not smile for a picture!!!
LSU tree all lit up, there are some great decorations on there!!!In our LSU game room, mantle and tree decor

Tree in the family room, all red, white, and silver
My mantle and fireplace...

Sittin' by the Fire

This cold weather makes me unhappy! I don't like to be cold. I can't seem to get warm lately! When we moved in here last year we were busy, and let's face it, I was depressed and not doing much! So, our fireplaces never got inspected to make sure they were ok. Well, yesterday the nice Chimney Sweep guy came out and cleaned our chimneys--hooray! There was an empty squirrel nest, and he removed that, so tonight, I lit it up! Ahh the warmth!!!

I love a real fire with crackling wood, but our fireplaces have the fake logs, which I have to admit I like! No trudging outside to get wood, no mess, no overwhelming smell of fire in your hair and everything else!!! I'm happier than a clam in my red pjs Sean got me for our first Christmas and all of my animals sleeping around me! Nighty night!!!

Wordless Wednesday

Cathing up...

So so much to catch up on...

1. I met Andrea what seems like years ago now, but really it was just the Thursday before Thanksgiving. It was like being with an old friend and we had a blast! First was lunch at P.F.Changs, then some good retail therapy, all of it filled with tons and tons of conversation. I hope to get the opportunity to meet some more of you in the future because this was pure bliss! Love you to the moon and back my sweet kindred spirit!!!

2. Then it was off to Nashville for the annual National Youth Workers Convention. I went with Jake and AJ, the youth director I work with and associate youth director, Jeremy, one of their friends who is a youth director in Montana, and Kristi and Michelle who are forever volunteers with our youth. To say we had fun would be an understatement. We laughed until we cried and our sides hurt, stomach hurt, faces hurt. One great highlight was Jeremy and AJ kareokeing 'A Whole New World' from Alladin (yes, it is a guy/girl duet). We also had some awesome worship experiences with David Crowder Band, Jeremay Camp, Jars of Clay, Brandon Heath, and a few others. Then there were speakers who motivated, inspired, and rejuvinated us! It was a success to say the least! The 11 hour drive home was even enjoyable with Jake, Michelle, and I, as Jake played 100 questions and we obliged (sometimes).

3. When I arrived home my hubby had put up Christmas lights on our house. That may not seem like a big deal to some, but the only way he's ever done that (one year), was constant harrassing and whining on my part. This was a surprise and a gift just for me and it thrilled me! I'll post pics later!

4. Thanksgiving was fun at my sister's MIL's house, we had great food and good company! It was nice being with family, though I missed the hubby who was working hard for the money!

5. I went with Julie and her family to the LSU/Ark game, and for those of you who follow, you know how that turned out, not the highlight of the weekend at the actual game, but I always have a blast with the Mooks who I consider my second family!

6. Today was back to work and it's lonely because Jake is in Montana. I hate it when it's this quiet, though the Christmas music is helping out a lot!! Have I mentioned how much I love Christmas? Well, I adore Christmas, the decorations, the music, the lights--oh how I love Christmas lights!!!! I love trying to pick out the perfect gift for everyone, the hot chocolate, the baking, the celebration of the birth of my hero!! I wish the spirit and the love and joy that are more prevalent at Christmas would last all year long!!

God signs

Last night I was in bed, and I just felt this great urge to look up Psalm 27:3. I believe these are the times that God speaks to me and though the voice isn't audible like in great movies or the bible, I believe it's Him.

So, I whipped out my cell, and tried to pull up my bible app, to no avail, and thought about aborting mission. I did not however, and I'm glad. Google was handy, as usual, and here is what Psalm 27:3 said...

"Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident."

Can I get an AMEN on that one?!

Sometimes you just need a sign. I ask God all the time for BILLBOARD signs because I've told Him, my loud mouth will make me miss a whisper! Thankful that He puts up with me!

I'm very excited this week to be traveling to see some friends and end up with some great friends at the National Youth Workers Convention in Nashville. Along the way I'll be stopping in Little Rock to see the Criners and their new pumpkin, Owen, then it's off to Memphis, where I'll get to meet my Kindred Spirit, Andrea, for the first face to face time!!! Love meeting bloggers! While in Memphis I'll stay with my sweet friend, Heather, who I've known since 6th grade and finally get to meet her cuties! Then it's off to Nashville for the conference with some of my favorite people, Jake, AJ, Kristi, and Michelle! Should be fun! Wish me safety traveling and I'm sure I'll have fun things to report!!

Jeremiah 29:11-13

Sometimes fear creeps in your life and sometimes it seems to grip you in a way that you can't really understand or overcome on your own. I believe that this is satan trying to keep you from being joyful, and I know that fear is not from God (hence the scripture at the top of my blog). So, I've had some fear issues and some anxiety the past few days, and though I've heard this scripture over and over and over again, I've seen it the past few days SO many times, that I am quite sure that God is talking to me. I choose to trust and believe. I choose to know that He is good and He has my best interest at heart.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. YOu will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Thankful Thursday

Late post, have had a massive headache and am trying to get over it, but I did want to list my thankful list today...

First, and foremost today VETERANS! I'm so grateful to people like my Daddy, my Father-in-law, my uncle, my families I met working at the pediatric clinics in Shreveport, for our friends Shawn Smoot, Quentin and Julia Buquoi, JZ Zavalydriga, and many many others who risk their lives and serve our country. Not everyone goes oversees, but their lives are dictated in a way that none of ours every really are, and I am grateful that they choose to do that, so I can live my life FREE. Freedom is NOT Free, as I learned this week when I heard of a friend of a soldier friend of mine, losing his life in Afghanistan. There really aren't words that can adequately convey the pride it brings to see a man or woman in uniform and to know what they and their families give for me! I often want to salute them walking through airports or in restaurants, but I don't know if that's inappropriate, still I am grateful.

Today, I am especially grateful for friends who 'get it', not that I am not grateful for all of my friends, but some days, some people just understand your feelings in a way that others cannot, and today I was very grateful to have Amanda and Brittany to talk to. I'm also super grateful for my sister who had cupcakes delivered to my house that are chocolate raspberry flavor, yummy!! Julie is also pretty amazing and I'm grateful for her and her lifelong friendship that has been so beneficial to me, I hope in some way I return that!

I've said it before and I'll say it again, probably every time I mention being grateful, but I am for my husband. He's so sweet and funny, and sometimes he doesn't say the right thing, but he always intends too, and he always wants what is best for me, even if he is trying to chat with me while I have a headache and am trying to nap, it just shows that he loves me a lot and wants to actually 'talk' to me! He's a pretty stellar person.

On a completely different note, I'm grateful for tv shows and books. Sometimes, you just need to escape your own world and float off somewhere else where the drama isn't yours and you know you can walk away from it, and that is the beauty of tv shows and books! I'm grateful that there are people out there who make these things. Don't get me wrong, they aren't all wonderful, but entertainment is great and I'm grateful for it!!

That is all for today and Thankful Thursday! What are you thankful for?

Wordless Wednesday (Warning babies, not mine!)

How 'bout them TIGERS!!!!

Ala--who??! Around the bowl and down the hole, roll tide, roll! Just saying the TIGERS just turned the tide and I like where it's going!

Fun Friday Giveaway

Check out Kate Landers' blog! She featured one of my dearest friend's company, which I've mentioned on here before & there's a giveaway!!!

If you have facebook, become a fan of Kate Landers and Magnolia Creative! You could be a winner!!!

http://katelandersevents.blogspot.com/2010/11/tuesday-giveaway-and-preferred-sponsor.html

Happy Friday everyone!!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thankful Thursday

In Honor of Thanksgiving I'm going to do a Thankful post each Thursday in November...

I love Thanksgiving and make a point to not listen to Christmas music or decorate at all for Christmas until I have given thanks for all of the great things that God has blessed me with in my life.

So, here's a start...

1. My husband, who is smart, funny (like gut busting, bring you to tears funny), supportive, caring, and takes very good care of me! He was my second best gift ever from God!

1. My sister, who truly is half of my heart. She understands the things that no one else does about me, and always is there for me, and we love to do all the same things! She was my first best gift ever from God!

2. My parents, who support me, love me, encourage me, and are pretty fun to be around most of the time! I'm grateful for their (mostly mom) teaching me to cook, and for cooking for me, and I'm looking forward to some fried fish this weekend! I'm very grateful that I still have both of them, as I know plenty of people who do not have their parents, and I do not take that for granted!

3. My friends, I consider myself one of the most blessed people ever in this area, as I have more friends that are wonderful than one girl should ever be allowed! I have friends who call me constantly to check on me, friends who've never experienced infertility or loss who are willing to go out of their way to ask me questions that are hard. I have friends who send me little treats, mail me cards, facebook me, and email me. I've 'met' so many great friends through blogging that support me constantly, who I feel like I've known my whole life. I will never start listing names because I know that I would forget someone, and then I'd feel awful, but if you've sent me love, know that I don't forget those things!

4. My pets, O'Brien, who is no longer with me, but I will forever be thankful for. He was the cutest dog in America--EVER! He loved me perfectly, snuggled just right, I understood what all of his silly yaps meant and we were thick as thieves! I still miss him daily! Also, Noble, my beautiful female German Shepherd, who is the most intuitive, sweet, beautiful girl ever, she's smart and loves to snuggle next to me in the bed and she's ferociously protective of me--I love it! Sampson, my sweet male While German Shepherd, who we say is touched, as he's just a little slow, but it's completely endearing! He is such a lover, absolutely has a sweet, gentle spirit, who just loves to nuzzle and never licks your face (I don't love face licking!). Tasso, our slightly heavy cat, who I believe has no clue that he isn't human or a dog, who has the quirkiest personality and tolerates all of our dogs without running away (we do keep him hemmed up in the house!). And lastly, Miss O'Hara Belle, my little diva, who I believe acts a little bit like me, yep, I admitted it. She is wildly feisty, runs the big dogs, harasses the cat, and pretty much reeks havoc wherever she goes! She's funny and she's learning to cuddle well! I think she's always gonna give me fits, but I love her! They are all so fabulous and I'm so thankful for each of them!

5. My job--it's not everyday that you get to do something that you really love. The opportunity to touch youth lives is more rewarding than I could have ever dreamed. Plus, I get to work with some really cool people, they think they are even cooler than I think they are, but they make me laugh a lot!

The thing that I am most grateful for is my God, His ever present grace and peace, the gift of His Son who died for me, and the blessings that he constantly bestows upon me when I am so unworthy!

Wordless Wednesday

This is my diva dog, O'Hara Belle. She's loving a poofy vest, just like her mama!

Linking Monday...

So, there are so many great blogs out there full of great people sharing great information and stories, so today I'm linking a bunch of them for you to check out.

First, I have a couple from Beckie's Infertility Journey the first is a funny, and if you're not infertile you might not laugh as much, but still great...Best Sweater Ever I Promise then a really good post on friends dealing with friends who are infertile Friend or Foe?.... I have to say that her header is one of my favorites of all times--check it out!

Then I wanted to link Late for A Very Important Pregnancy with this post, as it talks about commenting on blogs.

Next, please go over and send Summer some love, she lost her daddy to cancer this past week and my heart is broken for her!

My sweet friend Two dog Mama has some big news, check it out here. She was an excellent support for me this summer when our adoption failed, and has been through a lot. She has an amazing story and lots to share!

Britt got to the beach and did some baby names yesterday, they are fabulous, send her some love as I know she is really missing sweet Ella Grace right now and I wish I could heal her aching heart!

For the dog lovers who really take their furry pets seriously, one of my favorite blogger is La Belette Rouge, and this post today for her dog's birthday and the video are priceless! Besides her writing is great and she always shares something funny!

I'm sure there are more great things I'd like to share, but that's enough for today. Please say a prayer for my friend, Caryn, her twin boys are due to be arriving a week from today, they are each over 6 lbs now! I can't wait to meet these boys and want everything to go smoothly!!

Happy Monday people!

Halloween

I pretty much love this monkey costume!!

I don't love halloween, probably stems from not liking things that are scary! I never dressed up as anything that wasn't sweet and adorable. I was a witch once, but my mom made a puffy heart and sewed it on the front of my costume and I was a 'soft-hearted witch'!!! That's right! Some other favorites, I was a clown a few times, a fairy (complete with sparkly wand), and a hershey's kiss! All very great costumes made by my sweet mommy!

I'm sure I'll like the holiday more when I have some little ones to dress up myself, but make no mistake, this lady loves candy--and lots of it! So, if anyone wants to share their loot, I'm game!

Happy 5th Anniversary to us!!!

Five years ago today I married my best friend! It was a great day, the weather was beautiful (albeit still hot in the south!!), and we were surrounded by people that we love! Our wedding was originally scheduled on the by weekend for LSU, but Katrina hit and messed up their schedule. When I realized that our wedding would now be on a game day, I immediately called the church to see if the 2 o'clock slot was still open, it was--hallelujah! We moved the wedding up, and were able to have an after party to watch the game that night with all of our friends and loved ones! It was the best day ever. Sean said he knew he picked the right person when I did that, pretty sure he's still feeling that way today! Notice his LSU vest and tie! All purple and gold! Thank you, Foxy, for the best five years ever! I love you more today than I did in 2005, and you still make me laugh all the time!!

One of my favorites, me waiting to walk into the church!!!
Headed to the reception...
Our first dance
I believe this is after cake cutting!
Me and my sweet daddy at the reception.
Us walking out of the ceremony--I was a happy girl! (still am!)
After some (a million) photos, a little silliness, quite typical of my Foxy!
We call this his victory pose, yep, he did it!
After the reception before the party to watch LSU play!

Thoughts for Thursday...

1. My little dog, O'Hara, is a diva, and a bully. I think if my big dogs could talk they'd tell me she's driving them crazy. She's driving me crazy. She barks constantly, at everything, and thinks that 7:30am is a good time to wake up. It's NOT!!!

2. Sean has been working everyday this week and will continue through the 4th of November. That sucks and his work schedule is not lightening up since they have a new partner, they've just added more shifts. This sucks!

3. My sister is coming one week for today to stay for 4 days and while that's not long enough I'll take what I can get! I miss her. Continue to pray that her hubby will find a job here, I want them to move here asap!!

4. I'm reading books by Jen Lancaster, the first one was "Bitter is the New Black", pretty funny, but the second one is "Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why It Often Sucks in the City, or Who Are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?". This one is laugh out loud funny on multiple occasions. I'm almost finished then I'll read the third one.

5. Why did Cougar Town make me cry last night? That show is supposed to be funny--I didn't appreciate the sneak attack of sentiment!

6. Natural White Cheddar Cheetos=goodness from heaven! If you haven't had them--get some!

7. It's finally sorta cool outside, I say sorta as the high today here in Texas is 71 degrees. I prefer this weather now, as I'm ready for the concealing coverage of some nice winter sweaters and the fabulousness that is all of my boots! Bring on the fall/winter peeps!!

8. Cancer sucks, so does infertility. These things seem to keep rearing their ugly heads for me and people that I love. No cancer for me and my loved ones right now, but I have friends whose loved ones are battling cancer, and I don't like it. And obviously, infertility glares at me daily, and lots of people I love. I would like to eradicate these things!! If I didn't hate raising money so much I'd do TNT again to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. I want to do the 3-day breast cancer walk, so someone tell me when and where you're planning on doing that some time next year!

9. The gluten free gumbo is still yummy, and pineapple is rocking right now! I'm planning on making Sean some gluten free pumpkin bread tomorrow, he loves pumpkin, it's our anniversary--sounds like a good idea.

10. Last, but not least I have some great friends who pray with me and for me all the time and I'm grateful for that. More grateful than I could ever put into words! Thank you, God, for blessing me so fully in that area of my life!

Wordless (Almost) Wednesday

This is Sampson, he weighs 110 lbs and he's in my chair and a half with me!

A Good Book

So, a couple of weeks ago I read a book that I wanted to share with all the BLMs, then I decided that I would share it across the board, as it deals with loss. For those of you who are interested in how people deal with loss and infertility, this book gives a good insight I think. I tells something of how people feel in these situations, perhaps better than I do on this blog. Or maybe it's just that it being in a book makes me feel more validated because obviously someone else has felt these things, and needed to write about them! I hope you enjoy this book, as much as I did!

My precious friend, Jennifer, at Blue Sparrow wrote tonight about a new movie coming out called Rabbit Hole staring Nicole Kidman (who I think is genius b/c she dumped that weirdo Tom and married hottie crooner, Keith Urban, who I adore!!). It deals with loss. My computer illiterate self cannot figure out how to put videos on here yet, so go to her blog and check it out. If you're at work, probably wait until you get home! I'll be going and I'm hoping to drag my dear friend, Britt, with me!

You can eat Gluten Free Gumbo

Yesterday my mommy came to stay with me and wanted to do something sweet for me, soooo

Gluten Free Gumbo did ensue in the Troxclair kitchen! Mom did the bulk of it, using Brown Rice Flour (thanks Caneel), and she and Foxy collaborated some over getting it to a good consistency. It didn't get as dark as I think either of them wanted, but let me tell you that this little gluten intolerant girl, was well pleased!!! A yummy gigantic pot of chicken, andouille sausage, and shrimp gumbo with lots of okra (per my request) is settling well into my belly for dinner last night and lunch today! She also cooked some deer meat in gravy, and the gravy is not as thick as her typical gravy, but was still yummy and the meat was fork tender, which is a feat in and of itself!!! I'm one spoiled little girl!

Thanks Mommy!! It was just nice to have her here with me for a couple of days! Now, I'm sitting in the living room watching the lightening outside, snuggled with my dogs and cat, and just finished listening to the sermon from Faithlink today (contemporary worship at my home church, which I miss a lot!!)! It's a good one, take a listen!

HOPE

Sometimes on this road of infertility, the wind can get knocked out of your sails. Without great family and friends it could be very easy to just give up, to quit and to accept defeat. The fear of what can go wrong can seriously overwhelm you, especially when the hits keep coming. Today I cling to the verse in 2 Timothy 1:7 "God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid but a spirit of power and love and self-control!". I am claiming the power that God gives each of us and that He has a plan for me "they are plans of good and not of disaster, to give you a future and HOPE!" Jeremiah 29:11. Thanks to my sweet kindred spirit for sending me that one today!!

I BELIEVE that God will answer any prayers when we pray with a heart like His, and I believe that he understands our pain, as stated here:

Psalm 119:28 (New International Version)

²⁸ My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.

And I know that He is with me always, as this verse demonstrates. I found this verse after my first loss and again came across it after the second. My sweet friend, Karla (mother to the sweet twins born at 32w,4d, who are totally fat and adorable, home and doing great now!), sent me some great verses last night! It is great to have friends who encourage me so, not allow me to wallow in sadness or despair!

Psalm 34:18 (New International Version)

¹⁸ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 40:1-3 (New International Version)

¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.

² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

³ He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

I remember praying for patience before, and I'm learning that He is teaching it to me, and teaching me to trust in Him completely with no other focus, no other dependency. In Him alone I will put my faith!!!

Psalm 145:18-19 (New International Version)

¹⁸ The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.

¹⁹ He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.

I really like this one, as I love to sing, I love to worship God in song, and the thought of Him singing over me is so comforting!!

Zephaniah 3:17 (New International Version)

¹⁷ The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

And finally, I leave you with my favorite scripture ever. This one I have claimed for years, and even cross-stitched when I was in high school (yes, I did cross-stitch!). The promise of Him NEVER leaving me is so comforting because I know in this journey through infertility and loss you often feel alone, and it's when I feel the most alone that His peace overwhelms me and I REST in the knowledge that He is in control!!

Isaiah 54:10 (American Standard Version)

¹⁰ For the mountains may depart, and the hills be removed; but my lovingkindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall my covenant of peace be removed, saith Jehovah that hath mercy on thee.

There were lots of hopeful blog posts today and for that I'm grateful as well. I want to share a quote from Once a Mother's blog that she read on a friends fb...

"Don't let the sadness of your past and the fear of your future ruin the happiness of your present!!" Can I get an AMEN?!!? Send her some love too, she's on week 7 of bed rest and for anyone who has been on it, you know that it can really wear on your soul!

Continuing in HOPE and BELIEVING that God will provide!!!

Balloon Release

Today (well yesterday now, thanks to some technical difficulties) I went to a late lunch with my sweet friend, Britt. We both LOVE wingstop, so we went there and made our tummmies happy while talking about all manner of things, babies, lost babies, husbands, friends, things that made us laugh, things that weren't so funny. After we visited for a while, we decided that we would go do our own balloon release in honor of our sweet angel babies. So, off to the party store we went! It was super fun really, in a sad way that we would even have to do this, to even know that yesterday was National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Still, it felt really good to honor our angels and watch them soar way above us in the sky. I imagined them in the arms of my Maker, and knew that as much as it hurts, they are in good hands.

The weather today was absolutely beautiful, as there wasn't a cloud in the sky, the temperature wasn't overwhelmingly hot, and we are very blessed to have a children's park here in Tyler. It is very peaceful and such a perfect place for a balloon release. On Tuesday, Britt and I are planning on going to the park with some sidewalk chalk to write our babies names before the Glory Babies support group meeting. I'm excited about that and will post pics when we do that too! I would've loved to write every name of every angel baby of every person who has touched my life since my loss, but couldn't get them all in today. I'll add more and share as time goes on!

Here is the link to my shutterfly album with all the pics from our release, you'll see a few albums click on the Balloon release one.

Layla and Michael

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day. Ronald Regan put this day into place in 1988 to honor those children who have been lost, and to raise awareness. Please remember those who have lost a child. Each day 2000 people learn that their babies have died, each day many people hear those words, "I can't find a heartbeat". Each day some one's dreams and hopes shatter in an instant. Today, remember those people, and hold your little ones close because each life that makes it into a mother's arms or father's arms is a miracle, a true unequivocal miracle! Be grateful!

At 7:00pm around the world people will be lighting candles to honor their lost children. Please light one with them, or send them your support!

My sweet babies,

Today the world takes a pause to remember lives like yours, lives that came and went too soon. Lives that touched hearts, then broke hearts, then soared about and beyond what you could imagine. Each day my heart aches with the loss of you both, the dreams that went, the pain that set in, the hard lessons learned, the friendships grown, the friendships lost, the tears, the joys, the hope you both brought, and the road your lives have set me on!

Thank you for being my babies, however short the time, and for all that I've learned from your presence. You will always be my babies, and I will love you forever and ever. Nothing will change my love for you, and time and circumstances will never make me forget you!

Tonight I light a candles in your memory and the memory of those that I hope are your angel friends in heaven, too many to name, but you know them!

I love you forever and always, my babies you'll be!

Mommy

Anniversary and some photo booth fun...

Tonight we celebrated our FIFTH wedding anniversary by going to a great sushi place in Dallas, I highly recommend this place...

http://shinseirestaurant.com/

Seriously some of the best sushi I've ever had!! If you go and you can ask for Casey to be your waiter, he was excellent as well, and really tended to my gluten intolerance with great care. That means a lot to me, everything he recommended was simply divine!!

(Our actual anniversary isn't until the 29th, but Sean will be working then, so we celebrated early, no gifts yet, but I'll keep you posted on that!!)

Beforehand, we were playing with the camera on the computer--here are a few of my favs!!!

Sean and O'Hara love...
O'Hara was really passing out the love
O'Hara had just licked my mouth...grosssssss
He's trying not to have squinty eyes...

Sean said his eyes were squinty...
Me and O'Hara Belle taking some photos!

Wordless Wednesday