"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Rainbows rainbows everywhere!!!!

I love a happy post and this one is definitely that!!! This week welcomed THREE new rainbow babies that I am so excited about!!!

First, Andrea's bunny ( was born on Monday, a sweet healthy baby... Nope not gonna ruin it, but she did pick one of my favorite names!!! All is well there despite some nasty weather around her area! They go home tomorrow (and yes!!! It's killing me not to tell!!).

Second was Mr. Spencer, Marie's rainbow! Please go see him in all of his cuteness over at! Her quote at the top of her post is now one of my favorites!!! Marie has an amazing story and is great inspiration for anyone dealing with incompetent cervix!!

Thirdly, Mr. Isaac was born this weekend, but his sweet name and face were FINALLY revealed today!! Send them some love at, as she now has a doll to call her mama!! This has been a miraculous road for their family & I've just been in awe of how God has handled every detail (not without some rough snags these last few days), and want you to go give them some love!!! Her story is amazing as well, as she's battled infertility and walked this adoption road (plus she's got Louisiana roots, so I love her!!)!

I've cried about 30 times today, tears of joy and just awe of all that has happened (I also cried watching The Voice, probably because that's my not so secret dream!!).

Infertility and loss are HARD and Everyone's story is a little different, so I hope for those of you who are searching for inspiration these three great stories will help you! I pray that these bits of awesome news haven't hurt anyone, as I know the sting of happy announcements while you painfully wait!!

Love to the new rainbows and their families!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

In honor of NIAW

That is National Infertility Awareness Week.

I have had some of these thoughts swirling around in my head for a while and thought, "what better time to post than now?"

A blog I follow had a wonderful post today and I wanted to send you there to read that as she is currently battling infertility and had a quite enlightened post so visit cgd here and read her post on IF myth (April 25th post).

She really nails a lot of the details of facts surrounding IVF.  She's somewhat of an expert at this point and drives home in an eloquent way, that IVF is in fact, not for everyone.

Here are some things that I feel about infertility:

1.  It is immensely lonely, that is why people who "meet" on the internet through IF circumstances feel instantly bonded, because so many people do NOT understand.
2.  People try so hard to say the right things and mostly end up hurting us worse.
3.  Just because something worked for your mom/sister/cousin/co-worker doesn't mean it will work for me, and I promise, you don't suddenly have a new idea that hasn't already been tried or crossed an IFers mind, so please refrain.
4.  Please don't ever use the phrase, "Why don't you just fill in the blank (adopt, relax, use a surrogate, do IVF)".  Just implies that we haven't tried hard enough, cared enough, put in enough effort, etc.  It is insulting.
5.  Don't compare what we're going through to something you went through that is unrelated or even related, but not the same.  (I read tons of blogs, and try to NEVER say, well when I had/did/etc. because it's painful and pointed, as if again we haven't done enough).
6.  If you haven't experienced infertility or loss, please don't give suggestions or advice, as we don't give them about things we have no experience with.

When we set out to adopt, we never dreamed that we would be swindled out of thousands of dollars and left heartbroken, deceived, and empty armed, that was not the experience anyone else had told us about.  When my friend's mom adopted 27 years ago, she never dreamed she's be dealing with her son's birth mother grieving his death as well, and feel obliged to comfort her through her own grief.  I know lots of beautiful adoption stories!  One of my pledge sisters is adopted (actually two) and they have had nothing but positive experiences, they are beautiful, happy, well-rounded individuals, who know that was God's plan for their lives.  My sweet friend, Amanda, adopted one of the cutest kids you'll ever see and so far it's been a fairytale (since paperwork was finished etc, up until then--nightmare).  Adoption is not an easy road.  I have a friend adopting right now, and the baby was born on Friday and she didn't find out until today--do you have any clue what that does to a mother?  (And please don't say she doesn't even know that baby yet, she's been preparing for months!).  Adoption is beautiful and wonderful and a blessing and it is absolutely the plan God has for some people, but it is NOT for everyone, so suggesting that to anyone who is struggling to have a baby is actually rude.

On another note, suggesting surrogacy is also not ok, yes, we've thought about it!  Yes, it worked for SJP and Nicole Kidman (did you see how the press attacked her?!!?).  Have any of you been watching Brothers and Sisters and seen what's going on there with the surrogate--and please don't tell me that's just tv, where do you think they got the idea?  That happened to someone--seriously, and while it may turn out all fine and blah blah blah, you have no idea how that being taken advantage of can damage your trust of humans, how it can rip your heart out.  I also ask if any of you knows the costs of surrogacy???  It starts--STARTS at $60K.  What?!?!  Very few people have that kind of disposable cash (hence the SJP's and NK's doing it, not your cousin or BFF).  Then there are so many other things to think about.  Can you use your eggs, his sperm, a donor, a friend, how will you tell your child/children when they get older?  None of these things cross your mind usually until the deed is done and then you have to worry about it later!

IVF--been there, done that and can tell you, that's no picnic either.  The drugs alone are $$$ and they hurt, and I'm no wuss with needles.  The stress of giving yourself shots daily at the right time can also send you into a tail spin of fear and panic, seriously, I was a nervous wreck the whole time, not to mention the time I actually left my meds at home when I went out of town--WRECK--as my hubby!!!  There is so much stress, so much pressure on you and your husband to do things right, to not forget anything, and for it to WORK.  It strains any relationship, and there is nothing romantic about having a catheter inserted in your privates to 'place' your embryos there.  Not to mention the things the hormones do to your body (and I wasn't on a high dosage), but they make you crazy!  And if you looked at the above mentioned article you know that success rates aren't always in some one's favor. Believe me we thank God daily that we were in the 'lucky' group, honestly, I've read so many things of people who were not that that will scare the begeezus out of you too!  I've also known of plenty of people to get pregnant and not take home a baby, so it's not a cure all.  This doesn't even scratch the surface of all the available fertility treatments or the questions and issues that arise from each one, ethical, moral, and monetary concerns that come up, but that would be a much longer post! :)

What about Foster Parenting?  I believe people who do that are Saints in most cases (I've heard of abuse and the like, but in general, they are amazing!).  I've worked with children in foster care doing speech therapy, and the things they endure with these children is mind boggling.  And just take this one scenario, you have a wonderful child come live with you, you nurture them, get them on a good track, they are healing emotionally, and you are in love---Then, they are returned to the home that made them hurt in the first place.  No thank you for me, I'm not saying it's not a good thing, again I think people who do this are Saints, I'm entirely too selfish.  Check out the post on titled Domestic Enemies of Foster Parents.

Some other things that are good to know... It doesn't help when you say things like "Well, at least you can still go on trips when you want to", "Be glad you get to sleep 8 hours every night", "I'd kill for a completely quiet house", "You can have one of my kids" (seriously, would you give us one?  Because we'll honestly take one off of your hands if they put you out that much!), "At least you still have your body".  These things are shallow and void.  Most of us would give anything to carry a baby, or adopt a baby (without complications), or whatever it took.  We are actually jealous that you are having sleepless nights, feeling like crap while pregnant, or missing a tropical vacation to have a child look at you and tell you they love you!  There is no amount of discomfort we wouldn't endure to have a child depend on us, look at us adoringly, or run screaming through target from us!

So, to end this long rant of my own, please don't brush off infertility with a comment that can hurt someone.  It is emotionally damaging, it is isolating, and it is one of the hardest things a marriage can endure (if it does endure that is).  Sometimes people just need to talk about how they feel, what they miss, and how they wish things were different.  Give them that opportunity, or point them my way--I'm always open for a good chat! :)

Monday, April 25, 2011

I'm an adult!!!!

Yes, I know that technically I have been for a long time, but there are certain things that happen in your life that make you know that you are an adult.  For instance, when Foxy delightedly told me that the government was giving us back some money this year (I'm afraid that yes, dear, hell has frozen over), though nothing compared to what we've had to pay in years past, my first response was NOT--let's go on vacation!!!  Or let's buy...!  I actually caught myself saying the following phrase in a very giddy tone, with much jubilation..."Let's pay off the Tahoe".  Holy beans--I've cracked and seriously I'm still completely pumped about it!!  So, that was done today after a long conversation on the phone with the courteous customer sales rep, who only insulted my intelligence once (apparently on said site you must do every process at least 3 times before it works, no reason, as you did it correct the first 12 times!!).  He was actually very helpful and who gives a damn because I never have to talk to him or anyone at his place of business again because Hallelujah the Tahoe is PIF!!!  What's up now?!?!

What's up is that the back door of the Tahoe (you know the main reason for having that SUV to transport all your crap) will NOT open!  It's not a fuse, so after a shower I'll be taking it in to see what the slip slap is going on with Ladybug (yep, that's her name!).  And hoping that she'll get a nice bath at the same time, but not holding breath that this will be resolved today, banking on having to order a pricey part and install it later!  Just praying it's before another traveling weekend this weekend, putting things in and out the side doors only is not that fun or easy!

No, that's not my actual vehicle, though it's the same, Ladybug is far too shy for photos (shy is code for dirty!).

Me, an adult, who would've ever thought it!?!?  Not my hubby, who I think teared up at my new-found maturity! :)

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Better late than never...

Just some pics from my birthday which was a few weeks ago...

Cookbook from Julie

Earrings from Foxy

Strawberry cake by mommy!

Mom & Dad also got me some more of my Vera Bradley! Hooray!

Dinner at Cub with Parents, Shawn, & Foxy

I got a much needed (as I try to wear them often since I'm in TX) LSU shirt from Shawn, no pic yet :)

Flowers from Regan

Eye mask made by sister.

Renè also made me poolside pillows, a rice bag you heat/cool for aches/pains/restless babies, & a king cake!

Britt gave me this willow tree girl holding Calla Lilies...

And this, sooooo true!!!!

I'd say 32 is looking pretty positive!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, April 22, 2011

We have a graduate!!!

O'Hara Belle graduated from puppy school today! While she wasn't on her A game she did accomplish all of the required tasks! Madam Trainer says she thinks poots will be very good in the trick class, so we may be signing her up for that class soon if mommy can make it for those!!

My little silly face when class was over...

Happy Friday!!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, April 18, 2011

Blog Friends

This weekend I had the opportunity to meet another blog friend.  Jennifer @ Thoughts from a Blonde and I have been bloggie friends for a while now.  I was so excited that she brought home her gorgeous baby girl, Ellie, in January after battling infertility and waiting through the adoption process.

We met at PF Chang's (a mutual favorite) and had a long lunch and good chats, then we did a little shopping and a LOT of chatting!  It's always awesome to visit with a fellow infertility sufferer and to compare notes, mostly on things that people tell us.  Jennifer shared that she was given the opportunity to talk to the women's group at her church and share her experiences with all ages represented.  One of her biggest gems of advice (which I completely agree with) was that asking someone when they are going to have children is not ok, not ever.  We know it's just a way of starting conversation, but you never know when you are crushing someone who is currently battling infertility or loss, or if you're causing someone to be defensive because they don't want children.  It's hard enough to battle that without having to constantly answer that question, to which my favorite response is "It's not for lack of trying".  People who choose not to have children should be respected for their choices, not condemned.  It made me so proud of Jennifer for being so strong and sharing things that we all really want to share!  Thank you sweet friend for using your experience for good!

On that same note, when someone adopts, telling them that now they'll get pregnant is also inappropriate.  I know some of you may be thinking that we tried to adopt and now I'm pregnant, and the truth is we felt forced that way due to our adoption scam and had to seek further invasive, expensive fertility treatments. So, yes, we are having a baby and we couldn't be more happy, but this baby does not replace my lost babies or the one we prepared for last summer.  Though it does happen, it is not the "norm" to just "get pregnant" after adoption.  The true statistics are that "most" people do NOT.  This could inadvertently offend someone who sought embryo adoption or who chooses to be much more private about their fertility treatments.  So, try to avoid that stereotypical "oh now you'll get pregnant" comment.

Anyhow, we had so much fun and her little Ellie is a bundle of absolutely adorable cuteness!!! I loved her chubby cheeks, giving smooches, and making funny faces!  She is a miracle and they are precious!
Her little bonnet was keeping the sun out of her eyes!
That smile is intoxicating!!!
Meeting bloggie friends is just too much fun (especially when they are this cute!!).

Friday, April 15, 2011


If you had lived today would've been your due date 2 years ago. We would be planning a 2nd birthday party. You would probably finally be getting some real hair--maybe even have pigtails!

Instead, sending you love to heaven my sweet first daughter, Layla Marie! Mommy misses you still!


Thursday, April 14, 2011

Our own oasis

So I can't say that I love gardening like my mom does, weeding beds and stuff isn't that fun, but I do like to plant things and watch them grow! Our backyard is like a little slice of heaven, complete with a bed I devoted solely to my babies in Heaven. Here's some photos...

I forget the name of this but I love it's fuzzy appearance. I planted this and Calla lilies in pots alternating at each post along our back porch.

You can see them lined up here and sweet Sampson by the window!

The pool adds to our oasis and the dogs like to drink out of it (if anyone knows how to stop them I'm all ears).

Here you can see the table and some of the bird feeders hanging from hooks & some potted plants.

Hanging off the back porch are some feeders and this house--yep full of baby birds! I tried to catch momma feeding them, but she's fast!

How about these perfectly colored beauties as my table centerpiece!! Geaux Tigers!!!

I'd like to take credit for these but mom did all that, aren't they fab?!?

And she gave me this stunning bromeliad for my birthday and I potted the shamrocks and Hibiscus in the smaller pots!

In these gorgeous pots around the pool at the base of the lights (left by the sweet previous owners) I decided to put Jasmine, it flowers, smells divine and comes back every year!

And last but certainly not least is the babies flowerbed! The climbing rose is blooming so pretty and there are Calla lilies coming back from last year, the statues are for my sweet Layla and Michael. I'll be adding some purple flowers (Petunias most likely) for Layla in the next couple of weeks!!!

So I sat by the pool to rest and look and Filé accompanied me...

Also for my bday my sister made me some fab gifts, two being pool pillows to use on my lounge chairs...

Sensational idea Né!!  (Too bad it's way cloudy and I had to go inside after about 20 mins b/c it was windy too and I was cold--boo hiss!  Maybe I'll have better luck this weekend!)


Wednesday, April 13, 2011


***  If you dvr House and haven't seen Monday's episode, don't read this, come back afterwards b/c it's pertinent to my BLM friends ***

So, House this Monday was watched last night in my house.  I LOVE this show!!  I spend the first 15-20 minutes pestering Foxy..."Do you know what it is???",  "What does that mean",  "That could NOT happen", "Have you figured it out yet??".  It drives him crazy, but I think he thinks it's funny too mainly because I know he's smart enough to figure out lots of the things and that fascinates me!

Well, this week was one of the best episodes lately, for many reasons, the first being it was very twisty turny, which I LOVE!  The second reason is because it delves into the topic of MISCARRIAGE, the oh so taboo topic, that people love to avoid.  I don't want to ruin the whole episode, but you totally think that it is going one direction, and then BAM!  It goes somewhere completely different!  Basically there is a woman on this one who has had THREE miscarriages and basically loses her mind.  I cried, and I felt her pain like I just can't describe, you could see the pain in her eyes and feel just how broken her heart is.  She doesn't just 'snap' and lose it completely in an instant, but it is a gradual thing that her husband describes and it's intriguing.  While I don't know anyone who has responded in exactly the way that this character did, it was such a true depiction of how deeply loss affects your heart, how irrational it makes you feel, and how you can just spiral out of control without good support.

I enjoyed it so very much and wish it weren't just a one episode topic, but alas, that will probably be where they leave it and I encourage everyone to watch it.  If you're not a regular House fanatic (like myself) then you may be a little thrown by some of the storyline, but it really all has been building for a while.  I also loved that the doctor, Masters, as she's referred to spends so much time trying to delve deeper into what is truly going on with this woman rather than just blowing her off as crazy!  We need more doctors like that, more who are exceedingly compassionate, more who look beyond the surface info that we are willing to tell and try to find those things we're actually working to hide!!

Bravo House for tackling a hard topic in a way that I appreciated!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

It helps...

When someone remembers our babies.  Very few people mention them by name or refer to them at all, and I guess that's to be expected, but for me it's sad.  It's sad that their lives seem to matter so little to everyone else.  Oftentimes I feel like even Foxy has forgotten (I  know he hasn't really, but he never mentions it either).  The fact of the matter is I've felt like  mother for almost 3 years now, since that first stick had a sweet "pregnant" on it.  I still know that this Friday was Layla's due date and that we should be having a sweet 2nd birthday party for her, and I see little girls that age and sometimes my heart cringes just a little.  I know I'm not the only one, and it took me a few days to even recognize why I was feeling sad, but now I know.  April 15th is forever tax day to the whole world, but to me it's always Layla's would be birthday (and yes I'm well aware that most babies aren't born on their due dates, but it's all I've got).

So, Friday I may or may not blog about that first pregnancy and how it changed my life, but today I wanted to mention it, and I wanted to say thank you to my sweet Nan for sending me a great picture text this am of her triplet girls' tree blooming and sending love to our angel babies!
Sending love to all of your sweet babies in heaven!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Lent=No Facebook

So, I'm not Catholic, but it's not just Catholics who give up things for Lent.  My family has always done this as an act of repentance during Lent.  We do not take off Sundays and try to hold one another accountable.  This year, I wasn't ready to give up any food, as I just don't know what will sound good or not, and I didn't want to 'say' I gave up something that was inevitable with pregnancy, like alcohol, or for me Mexican food!

My decision was to give up facebook, and you wouldn't believe how many times I've wanted to contact someone with some information and haven't been able to.  My dependency on fb for communication is overwhelming.  With so many people in my life, that is my mode of communication, which isn't necessarily bad, but this has been an interesting Lent!  I've tried to use those moments as a reminder for this season and thank God for all He has done for me, sometimes I've done well, others I've fallen short.

All that to say that while I know this blog uploads to fb whenever I post, I am not on fb, I'm not reading it and I get minimal things to my email from there.  So, if you have messaged me or something and need/want to get in touch with me, you can email me, or wait until the 24th of April when I will resume my activity via the social network!  My email should be listed on this blog, but it's pretty simple

Hoping we all focus during this Lent on the sacrifice that Jesus made for us and remember the true meaning of Easter that is about His rising from the dead, and not the fluffy bunny (though I love an easter basket and candy :)).

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Sunday loving...

Today I'm loving...

1. New sheets, they're lavender and glorious!!

2. Newly potted plants, including some Calla Lilies...

3. That my birdhouse hanging out my backdoor has tiny baby birds in it, who were crying up a storm today...

4. That I accomplished so much today, house cleaning, organizing, pool cleaning, plant potting, and some shopping!!

5. Spending some time with my hubby, including a yummy dinner at Texas Roadhouse!

Happy Sunday!!!


Friday, April 8, 2011


Who out there has a sister they love more than life?!? I do! I do!!

So I'm looking through Foxy's phone photos tonight and found some fab ones from a trip to NOLA...

It said performance pavillion, so we performed!!! So fun with my seester!!

Then there is this one from Né's wedding...

And here is one of my all time favorites...

Again fun with my sissy!!!

I hope to have sister children one day to watch them interact, it's the best!


Please send love

Some of you may remember a few months ago when I posted about baby Baker who was born premature. Please go visit their page and send them love.  Baker went to heaven last night and my heart is broken for them.  Their faith and dependence on God is such a testament to His power, but I know the road ahead of them will be long and painful and they will need all the support and love they can get!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Cub Restaurant

Yes, I'm making Foxy drive me all the way to Shreveport for my birthday dinner tomorrow, just to eat and come back. Yes, we could go west and eat at a million great spots in Dallas, but I've never had a steak I loved more!!! So, Cub, here we come and I'll be indulging in a nice pretty file and out of this world au gratin potatoes!! My mouth is already watering thinking about it & I plan to enjoy each and every bite!!!

If you're in Shreveport and want a great steak, this is the place to go. Do not be fooled by it's commonplace appearance for it is what is on the inside, not the outside that counts (anyone get the reference??). Expect great taste, not low fat and don't even dream of asking for steak sauce, you won't need anything!! This is one of the little known treasures in the city that I love, stop by and see for yourself!!!


Monday, April 4, 2011

Great Blog

So, my sweet friend Maxine just sent me this new blog, I've only read the first post and I'm already in love!  Go by and check this out!

While you're at it, you can lift a prayer up for Maxine, she beat breast cancer's butt last year and now she's expecting her second baby!  I sweet little boy named Luke.  She's one of my real life heros and proof that God is up there and taking good care of us!  No one knew if she would be able to have children after all of her cancer treatments, and it was an ongoing prayer for all of us who love her--Thank you God for that answer!

Things I like...(ACM version)

I don't care what the ACMs say, I LOVE Zac Brown Band & think they should've won tons of awards! Their performance with James Taylor (what?!?--how cool) was by far the best of the night!

I also triple poofy heart Keith Urban and am tired of him getting passed over! His voice is flawless, his lyrics sincere, and his gratitude for his wife inspiring (I love Nicole too!!)!

Miranda Lambert is adorable and I love her and how real she is and am glad for the recognition she's receiving. I wish her and Blake years of love and happiness that endures the fame scene!

I also love my dogs, who make me laugh every single day! This is the newest pic of Filé in her special way...

Though I could have offed her on Saturday night for barking/whining all night long!! She was an angel last night even with serious storms outside!

I'm sad to say I have no newer pics of my other three, they don't sleep quite so crazy!!!


Sunday, April 3, 2011

new feature...and a vent

I just wanted to point out that on both of my blogs you can now sign up to have new posts sent to your email.  I know everyone does not want this feature, but if you're not a huge blogger and would like my updates, just sign up on the right.  You can get to my other blog here if you'd like to see that one.

My vent is this...
The other day we were watching Baby Mama (which I no longer like at all, though Amy Phoeler is hilarious to me).  For those of you who have followed this blog for a while you will know that we had a failed adoption last summer, that wasn't so much a fail as a complete scam.  So, watching this 'baby mama' con Tina Fey's character the whole time doesn't sit well with me and I don't have any sympathy for her.  It also pisses me off that in the end Tina Fey so easily conceives a child and has a perfect little girl.  This is not reality people, though I know it happens randomly to some people, the whole "quit trying and it'll happen" notion is true far less often than it is false, so please refrain from using that stupid remark!  It doesn't end there, this was one of those "Dinner and a Movie" type things where there are commentators telling you about the movie (which I think is stupid as well), and the hostess said "well, that wasn't such a serious offense", while the host goes on to quote such horrid things as someone 'selling the Brooklyn bridge to tourists' as a major crime in history.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but do you really think that the thought of owning a bridge is somehow more painful of a loss than the thought of bringing home a child that you've prepared for for months on end?!!?  I screamed at the TV, "I wish I could jump through there and punch you both in the face for saying something so stupid!!!"

That is the problem with adoption scams, people do not see them as major offenses.  I'm not sure how much those people "paid" for the Brooklyn Bridge back in the 70s/80s whenever that happened, but I can assure you our losses were big, and we will not be recouping any of our money from the government who seems to think that if you make a certain amount of money you deserve to lose it in an adoption scam.

And obviously the anger is still there from time to time!  I was thrilled to hear of another friend who went through such a tragedy and is expecting legislation to be put into place in her state for "adoption scams", praying we will be so effective in my home state!

Friday, April 1, 2011

Dog days

Miss O'Hara Belle has been going to puppy school today was her third class! She's doing excellent! No more pottying in the house, she can do...Sit, Down, Wait, Come, Leave it, Take it, Drop it, Wait to be petted, Stop Jumping (to get attention), and is walking much better on a leash! I personally think she's the prettiest girl in her class (they are all girls!)...
Don't you?!?

Foxy took this pic last week and texted it to me (yes I was in the other room), titled "All My Bitches!". Needless to say I cracked up...

Filé is still acting a little neurotic from the steroids she was on, but we stopped them Monday and are crossing fingers she calms down some!!! This is her buried in the covers.

And Noble wouldn't look at the camera because she was mad that Filé was in the bed.

Sampson continues to be our low maintenance lovable Teddy bear!!

I had a sweet chat with my friend, Nan today. We were discussing how this road of infertility and loss never seems to end and while happy things happen, we still miss our angel babies and all the dreams we had for them! I think our husbands struggle too, it's just different for them!

I'm very happy it's getting pretty, warm, and close to pool weather! :)