We met at PF Chang's (a mutual favorite) and had a long lunch and good chats, then we did a little shopping and a LOT of chatting! It's always awesome to visit with a fellow infertility sufferer and to compare notes, mostly on things that people tell us. Jennifer shared that she was given the opportunity to talk to the women's group at her church and share her experiences with all ages represented. One of her biggest gems of advice (which I completely agree with) was that asking someone when they are going to have children is not ok, not ever. We know it's just a way of starting conversation, but you never know when you are crushing someone who is currently battling infertility or loss, or if you're causing someone to be defensive because they don't want children. It's hard enough to battle that without having to constantly answer that question, to which my favorite response is "It's not for lack of trying". People who choose not to have children should be respected for their choices, not condemned. It made me so proud of Jennifer for being so strong and sharing things that we all really want to share! Thank you sweet friend for using your experience for good!
On that same note, when someone adopts, telling them that now they'll get pregnant is also inappropriate. I know some of you may be thinking that we tried to adopt and now I'm pregnant, and the truth is we felt forced that way due to our adoption scam and had to seek further invasive, expensive fertility treatments. So, yes, we are having a baby and we couldn't be more happy, but this baby does not replace my lost babies or the one we prepared for last summer. Though it does happen, it is not the "norm" to just "get pregnant" after adoption. The true statistics are that "most" people do NOT. This could inadvertently offend someone who sought embryo adoption or who chooses to be much more private about their fertility treatments. So, try to avoid that stereotypical "oh now you'll get pregnant" comment.
Anyhow, we had so much fun and her little Ellie is a bundle of absolutely adorable cuteness!!! I loved her chubby cheeks, giving smooches, and making funny faces! She is a miracle and they are precious!
Her little bonnet was keeping the sun out of her eyes!
That smile is intoxicating!!!
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How fun! I love reading her blog. What a sweet Ellie!!!
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you! You look great!
Looks like you had a wonderful day! :)
ReplyDeleteOh how exciting that you got to meet Jennifer and baby Ellie! I love what you have written here, so true. Since we are in the adoption process, the one that gets me is the "now you'll get pregnant" because we are "relaxed" and not thinking about it. The irony is that adoption is equally, and maybe even more stressful than infertility for me. I really wish people would stop saying that, it really is a rare occurrence for someone to get pregnant after adopting. People only think it "happens all the time" because it is more unusual and so those stories are the ones that stick out in people's minds.
ReplyDeleteYou are SOOOO right about how a pregnancy doesn't replace children lost before the pregnancy...especially children we had already given birth to in our hearts. I hated, hated, hated hearing people tell me that we were going to get pregnant while we were adopting. Then, after it failed, to tell me, "See, you weren't meant to adopt because then you wouldn't be pregnant."
ReplyDeleteMaybe not, but seriously? Tell me that after I spent a year and a half preparing for the precious little girl that I dreamed about? Not cool.
Sending you love, sweet friend!
xoxoxo
I'm so glad you two lovely ladies got to meet! Ellie is such a beautiful and precious gift. It does feel good to be able to talk to and share experiences with someone who has been there and understands. Meeting blog friends is the best!
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