"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Random Thoughts for Today

#1. I'm very excited because my sister is coming to Tyler on Friday! I love my sister and miss her like crazy all the time! She'll get to meet some of my friends and some of my youth, as we're going to see Toby Mac Friday night--fun fun!!

#2. This weather really helps to keep me from staying in a funk. I think that God knows that I'm trying to stay out of it and He's helping me out there. It also helps that Jake drives his Jeep to work, so I can ride with him when we run errands--I like that about him!

#3. Another friend who is approaching adoption brought this up yesterday, but I second this...It doesn't help for people to say the following "Oh, you're adopting, you'll totally get pregnant now!". This is not a means to an end, this is a decision completely seperate from that. We didn't decide to adopt in hopes of becoming pregnant. We felt called to adopt and will do so for that reason.

#4. I went to Sam's today (following a trip yesterday) where I discovered that they have purple and gold calla lillies in boxes. This sent me over the moon, as I told Sean a few weeks ago that I wanted to do a flower bed of just Calla Lillies for my Cala baby! So, there they were in the best colors ever (GEAUX TIGERS!!), and so I got some yesterday and went back for more today. Tomorrow I will spend the day weeding and planting LOTS of bulbs (I may have gotten more than just those calla lillies!!).

#5. I'm hoping that even though Lent is over on Sunday, I can keep limiting my sweets intake. I found that I was a sugar addict, and this cleanse has been nice (not that I cut out all sugar, but all sweets!). I'm trying to eat better and make healthier choices for myself, and my family.

#6. Anyone have any insight on Juicers, I'm planning on buying one. My friend, Caryn, has one and uses it all the time, so we've chatted about it, but if any of you have one and use it, tell me about it.

#7. I appreciate people who don't forget that I've lost two babies, and that I haven't gotten pregnant again in the past 10 months since my miscarriage. Lots of people who do get pregnant move on from those of us who aren't and forget. That hurts and is very hard and it strains friendships. But I have quite a few friends who haven't forgotten and that I appreciate. I got the sweetest call from one of my dear friends today and she said "It just makes me so sad to hear how sad you are and that monthly rollercoaster. I don't want you to think that just because I'm pregnant I don't think about you or want that for you too." (This was after catching up on my blog). That is one of those things that I count as true friendship, when things aren't easy and they aren't pretty, but people still show up for you. So, thank you to her and my Fab5 girls who are expecting, but consider my feelings too!

#8. I think I might have had (or still do a little) a serious problem with sweets considering I have LITERALLY dreamed about eating them at least 4 times since I gave them up. Sad, huh?!!?

#9. My husband is funny. If you don't know him, you're missing out, because he's really funny!

#10. I LOVE working with youth. Each of my girls is so very special to me, they are funny, sweet, enlightening, and REAL. It just makes my heart swell to hear them talk and share and be real. Everyone should have a job they love as much as I do mine! (not to rub it in for those of you who don't, that makes me sad for you, and I've been there!).

#11. Blue Sparrow set up a tribute for her sweet baby, Bryston, born too soon. She's calling for us to do random acts of kindness. Go check out her post on it! I did one today, and it seems wrong to even say it was my kindness because it made me feel so good. I wasn't going to mention it on here, as I feel that takes some of the random-ness away, but I have to share this so others can do the same. I donated blood today in Walker Rainey's name. He is a precious 2 year old fighting rabdoid cancer, visit his site and send them some love and prayers!!! (http://www.caringbridge/visit/walkerrainey) If you'd like to give in his name too, his sponsor # is 048581 (not sure how far that reaches, but worth a try!). Thanks Blue Sparrow for starting this movement of random acts of kindness!

These are my ramblings for today. Goodnight!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Still no pregnancy

It doesn't matter how long you go I don't think, every month when you know you are NOT pregnant again, it's disappointing. You can't help that tiny bit of you that is hopeful, that tiny space that says "I know I did everything right this time, so maybe, just maybe?!?", that tiny breathe that prays 'let this month be mine to celebrate'. It hurts every time.

I am thrilled to know that there are people this month who had that special discovery, and ones that are continuing on their pregnancy journey safely after loss, those things make me happy.

Still my own disappointment is there, and it doesn't go away. I'm sure some think it's selfish to want to be pregnant when I'm adopting, but you can't help hoping that for once your body won't let you down. Mine is a constant disappointment! So, today I'm a little blue, but going out to enjoy this weather to perk up a little!

Monday, March 29, 2010

New Day

Today is a new day and I feel like a new person. The weather was glorious today, I'm not sure there is even a word to really put how perfect it was! I get to go to a job that I love everyday, and work with someone that is very fun and has the same passion that I do for youth. That in and of itself is such a great blessing, and something I've been praying for for quite some time.

My day started beautifully, as I went to Pray Date and Katy had posted a song by one of my favorite groups, NeedtoBreathe. It's called Lay it Down and it just reinforces our need to surrender our concerns, our fears, our worries to God. Thanks for the reminder Katy!

I did some research on books regarding Adoption, I've already read a few, but I want to read more. I want to know about the adopted kids and how they feel, what things they might struggle with, and how to address those issues. Knowing full well I can't be prepared for everything, but wanting to educate myself as best I can (while I still have free time to read (: !!). It all still seems so surreal, and I'm wondering if I'll wake up and find it all to be a dream.

We continue to move forward. We received our background checks today, and I'm clean, bet you're all glad to know that!! Not that I could've ever worked with children had I not been, but now I have the 'official' paper to prove it! We'll get that to our attorney and our social worker tomorrow, as I think that is the final portion of information that she needs for our home study. I'd like that to be completely finalized, it will just feel more 'official'.

I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of the nursery furniture, as I can't wait to see it, we picked it out of a catalog basically. Sean is excited that it's a 'boat of a bed', very sturdy and strong! I, of course, can't wait to see it in the nursery and see how good it looks with the newly painted walls.

Thank you all who read my blog and send me sweet comments, they really do bless my soul and I'm grateful. I hope that in some way I convey ways that people feel, and that I can be helpful to someone else who is going through some of the same things. I know each path is unique, and we all have to deal in our own ways, but I'm grateful to have this outlet and to have the support of my friends and family while we walk this winding road!!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Baby Showers

I was reading over at Moments of Pause and in a response to some questions she talked about Baby Showers. It struck a chord with me, so I decided to write about that.

I know that for most people who don't lose babies, that the "Baby Shower" sounds delightful, and is highly anticipated, to have everyone 'oooh' and 'ahhh' over your cute baby stuff.

Literally I have a pit in my stomach right now thinking about it. It makes me feel ill to think about a baby shower. Attending one, or having my own. There I said it. That's the truth. This is my heart right now. If you've never lost a baby, you've never had to hide the gifts that people have given you just so you wouldn't burst into tears over and over. If you've never lost a baby, you don't realize that just because there is a shower, doesn't mean a baby is coming home with you. You are blissful and enjoy each moment.

If you have lost a baby, you know these realities all too well, you are terrified to buy anything, you are terrified to say anything, you are terrified to prepare because you know that within minutes it can all be gone. So, for me and other baby lost moms, the idea of a baby shower is not just scarey, it's downright sickening. Going to them and celebrating for someone else what your heart so longs to do and to have is not just unpleasant, it's torture. There are cases where that isn't as bad as others, but in general, this is truth for us babylost moms. Having your own shower, and thinking of what you would have to do with all that 'stuff' if your baby doesn't come home with you is even more horrific.

Mulitple people have asked about doing a baby shower for us, for our impending adoption. Thank you all, as I know it comes from a deep love for us and a genuine desire to celebrate with us, but we cannot do it. This is an adoption, and all adoptions can fall through, some call this pessimistic, for me it is the truth. So, I'd prefer not to have any more 'stuff' from loving well wishers until we bring our daughter home, simply because if we don't get to bring her home, my heart will be broken again, and I only have so much room to store stuff that will keep it out of sight.

I know this seems like a bummer post, and for that I'm sorry. I've had a rough couple of days, no reason, that's just how grief is, but I wanted to share this, so that some people might be able to understand how people who've suffered loss, or infertility might actually feel. It has nothing to do with anyone else, just our own feelings and demons that we battle. I know most of us would love it if we didn't feel this way, we'd give anything to be our old purely optimistic selves, but somethings you just can't make go away. This is one of them.

We don't want to not be invited to showers, for some days we can actually handle it, but we need you to know that if we can't, it doesn't have anything to do with you! I had friends who had a little girl in September, do what I consider to this day one of the most thoughtful things...

Hubby (friend of my hubby) called Sean to let him know that they were having a shower and that we were definately invited and they wanted us there, if we could make it, but that they understood if we couldn't. They hadn't wanted to send an invitation, as they didn't want it to arrive on a bad day.

Thoughtful, just plain thoughtful, and I'm forever grateful for that!

On a different note, my friend Jennifer over at Thoughts from a Blonde is entering adoption-land, send her some love, and I'm stealing from her too, as I love to read like she does. So, any suggestions for books on adoption, I'd like to know somethings from birthmothers, as well as adopted children.

Hope this week is good for all of you!!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


I'm missing my dog so very badly today. I think that for a while I was in complete and utter denial, but his over two week absence has now left a piece of my soul missing and I don't know what to do. I made some new posters today, got on a bunch of new sites to post about him being missing (Thank you to It's just me...C for sharing the Oliver Alert). It's nice to know that there are people out there who understand the deep pain that this causes me! I also want to say a sweet thank you to Lori who has been praying for O'Brien's safe return home too even while in the midst of her own grief!

My sweet dog has been with me for 11 years, that's a long time, almost half of my life. I got him during the darkest hours of my life and he has been my constant companion. Though he's very friendly and loves lots of people, it's well known that he loves me the best, and I love him the best. I do have other pets, but our bond just isn't the same, and I'm heartbroken about it!

Please pray that O'Brien finds his way home soon!!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Moving forward

Well, with the inspiration of my sweet friend Andrea, I started painting my nursery yesterday, and FINISHED today! I'm so excited. There will be a baby in there before we know it!! I lightened the room up quite a bit, as we've ordered espresso colored furniture, and I didn't want it to be dark in there! So, I'm posting a before color picture and an after color picture!

I'm very proud of myself for doing it all by myself, like a big girl. But I must say I wish my dad had been here to help me. It's always more fun with him, though he's trained me quite well. Keep praying for him as he's still not feeling 100%, and I hate to hear him sad!

Now, I'm in search of the perfect tie-back for the curtain, and probably a different fan, as I'm not a big fan (ha!ha!) of the one in there!! I feel like I'm getting my spirit back where it should be. Thanks for all of your support!!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Spring time!!!

I love spring, the birds, the flowers, the breeze, riding around with the sunroof open and the windows down. Spring is refreshing and fills me with hope. Hope for a better tomorrow, a better year, a bright perspective!

I just finished planting bulbs in my front flower beds, let's hope they come up as it's a little late for planting, but I wanted to get them in. The whole front flower bed I filled with daffodils, which I love because I think they look like their smiling all the time. That, and they come back on their own! In my smaller bed right by the front door I put purple tulips, I'm sure you're picking up my color scheme here, as I need to do everything possible to make sure people know we're die hard LSU fans! My mom was sweet and went to extra trouble and effort to make sure that the tulips were PURPLE, not some funky pink, or red, but purple! So, we should be seeing some spirit to get us headed into football season! I personally, don't love gardening, I know that a lot of people really like it, my mom for example, and she can make anything grow, but I have more of a black thumb, so let's hope the tulips and daffodils make an appearance here!!

I've been thinking about my babies a lot lately, probably because Layla's due date was April 15th, yep tax day, and Michael was made in April. So, there are good memories and then sad ones. Layla would be almost a year old and we'd be planning a fun birthday party. Michael would be most likely moving up a size in clothing. It's a weird place to be. I'm not tearfully sad right now, just wistful I guess. And we're looking to the future hoping that Cala makes her little way into our home in July. If the weather is yucky outside tomorrow, they're predicting snow--what!!?, then I'm considering painting the nursery. I'm finding it very hard to get more excited about the baby, as there was such a bumpy time there where we really thought that it wasn't going to work out at all. So, you put up a guard, you try and shield your heart, and then it kinda turns around, and you're just in shock, and wondering what to do next. The furniture is still on order and should be here in mid-April, so maybe things will seem more real then. Having not talked to Baby Mama in a few weeks is kinda weird too, as we were communicating daily, so it makes things seem less real I guess. Part of me would like to talk to her, and part of me feels that it would just end up ugly like it did before. This journey is so strange, so unique, and so complicated.

For now, I'm enjoying the time Sean and I have been getting together and laughing a lot! My job is a blessing, as I feel blessed to get to touch the lives of youth, and they touch my life in turn! The youth director I work with is a hoot, and we have a blast. This week I go to meet our newest staff edition, who will be coming in the summer, he came in for his Spring Break, and he's a blast too. I see lots more fun and laughter coming my way in the future, and for that I'm grateful! Seeing the ways that God is moving and has moved in my life is pretty awe-inspiring and I'm grateful.

So now, out to enjoy some more of this beautiful weather! Happy Spring everyone!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Blog Award 2

The second award I received was from sweet, beautiful Jennifer at Thoughts from a Blonde, she's a sweet Northern girl (we refer to them as Yankees), transplanted into the great state of Texas! Check out her site and give her some love!! Jennifer gave me the Making Lemonade out of Lemons Award! She's too sweet. I try to make Lemonade, but some days I'm just sour.

Here are the award rules:
- Put the Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
- Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
- Link the nominees within your post.
- Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
- Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

So, here's who I'd like to share this award with...

Angie Tabz at Angie Tabz

Andrea at Life, Love, and the Persuit

Lynda at Gates Updates

Beth at Tanner's Journey

Stacey at Stacey's Thoughts

Amy at Might Martindills

Shandrea at Loving My Angels

Jennifer at His Grace is Sufficient

Deby at For Your Tears

Becky at Day by Day

I'm sure some of these women have gotten these before, but I linked each of them for a special reason as they have touched my heart in a particular way, and mostly that they are always able to make the best of seeminly horrible situations!!

Blog Award 1

So, I'm going to try to give out blog awards!! Let's hope I can figure it out!!

First, from Stacey at Stacey's Thoughts, I received the Beautiful Blogger award, which was very uplifting coming from this beautiful Louisiana girl. Go check out her blog and send her love. Stacey has been through the ringer and continues to demonstrate beautiful faith and has encouraged me on many occasions! Thank you Stacey!

Here are the rules for the award:

~Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.

~Copy the award and paste it to your blog.

~Tell us 7 interesting facts about yourself.

~Nominate 7 bloggers that you love and link to their blog.

So, 7 interesting facts about me...

1. I love monkeys. I want a pet monkey, but my husband says NO!! We played with monkeys on vacation in Guatemala in 2007, and it was the highlight of my trip!!

2. I'm not a natural blonde, but believe to the core of my being that I should be! I used to dye my hair myself, but have found that to be a mistake on more than one occasion, now I just leave it to Jessica at Avalon!!

3. My astrological sign is Aires, and I think it's fitting, read characteristics of it and you'll know a little more about me!

4. I love animals, LOVE them! I really would have a lot more pets if I could, but we've put a cap on them right now. I have 3 dogs (most of you know one is missing right now, continue to pray for his safe return home!!). O'Brien is an 11 year old pom/chihuahua mix, and is the first love of my life! Noble is our first white German Shepherd, she is sweet and fiesty and high maintenance. Sampson is our second white Shepherd, and he is 100+ lbs, and is somewhat slow (we say he has doggie Downs), but sweeter than pecan pie! We also have 3 cats, two of whom are still roaming the streets in Shreveport, but their names are Cub and Savage, and they are wild beyond belief. Savage will disappear for days and come back with pieces of ear missing! Tasso is our youngest fur baby, he's a tabby cat, and we're trying to fatten him up. He's a lover who thinks he's a dog and the BEST cat I've ever had!!

5. Laughing is my favorite thing, good thing since I married Sean because he is full on hilarious!! I would rather laugh any day that cry! Probably why my favorite movies are Wedding Crashers, and now Hangover. **Little known fact about Sean, he looks a lot like Alan from the Hangover and that's who he is going to be for Halloween!!**

6. I love love love Louisiana, specifically Shreveport and New Orleans, always have, always will. The culture there is unlike anywhere else, it's rich, alive, and makes you want to just enjoy everything about life. I attribute that a lot to my friends from south Louisiana, who adhere to this concept even better than I do!!

7. I always sneeze in 3s, well 90% of the time. If you've known me long, you know to just wait until I sneeze at least 3 times, then bless me, it'll save you some blesses!!

So, I'm giving this out to the following blogland ladies:

Nan at Persevering

Shandrea at Loving my Angels

Jennifer at Blue Sparrow

Katy at Pray Date

Monica at God's Gracie

Lori at Lori Does Maryland

Amy at Bloom Where You are Planted

Please visit each of their blogs and share some love!! These are great women that I'm blessed to 'know' through blogging!!


I think that emotions are a bummer. Mainly because the yucky ones sneak up without cause. I shouldn't be having a rough day today, but I am. It's just been a funky Tuesday.

Today I miss my babies. Some days I'm ok, and though I always think about it, some days are better than others, this is an other day!! People are pregnant everywhere, you never notice how much until it's not you and you desperatly want it to be you! It's just a hard place to be.

I feel like a lot of the joy with my adoption has been taken secondary to the stressful situations we've faced, the possibility of it not happening (for a few weeks there), and the concern over whether or not it will happen in the end. All of these things are so beyond my control that I must daily surrender them to God and know that He will provide. Sometimes I just wonder when and if He will provide a baby for me and Sean. I pray so, I pray that this adoption works out for us.

Today I'd like to say a huge thank you to my girls, specifically the other four of the fab 5 that are traveling this road with me. Without the love of Andrea, Nan, Shandrea, and Angie, I'm sure this road would have been infinitely harder. I am grateful each and every day that God gave me these sweet friends to walk this road with hand and hand! I wanted to share the necklace that I got from Andrea and Nan that is so very special to me. It has my babies' names on it and their birthstones! Thank you girls for this, it means the world to me!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Nice weekend away

I'll post some pictures later, but for now I'll say that despite the funeral detour (Sean lost his great aunt Ethyl, called Aunt toots) in White Castle, our trip down south was a success.

We enjoyed an unplanned night of driving and stopping at Acme Oyster house in Baton Rouge for a great dinner of oysters (raw and charbroiled), some etouffe' and poboys, along with very cold Abita Strawberry. It's my favorite and I always look forward to it in the Spring time! We had a great meal, great conversation and great laughs (have I ever mentioned how funny my husband is!?!?). Then we drove and found a hotel and crashed for the night. Saturday we went to the funeral, which was nice, and we got to see some family, which is always great, then headed to Nola to see my sister and BIL. We went down to the french market, had a cocktail, listened to some jazz music, and walked around in the glorious day! We had dinner at Sean's favorite place "The Come Back In" and he got his favorite sandwich, the Joe-Don (could that sound anymore redneck!??!). It was a good time as well.

Sunday was a blast as we went to his mama'a brother's house to be with the Hughes side of the family, which is never short of completely entertaining. We went for the annual St. Patrick's Day parade in Metairie. I can't even tell you how great the parade was, it was so long we left before it was over!! My friend from Mobile came and brought her husband and baby girl, EmmaLarson (I love that name!), it was great to see them, as always. She's a babylost mommy herself, and her sweet daughter is adopted, and she's the cutest!! It was all a blast and there was good food, good company, and cold Abita Strawberry! So, we're home now, and it's almost 8, still not dark outside, we took the dogs for a walk, and need to feed ourselves!

My dad is doing well, recooperating at home, and seems in really good spirits, which makes me smile!

O'Brien is still MIA and that continues to break my heart. I am going to put flyers in mailboxes tomorrow, maybe that will turn something up.

As for the adoption, the birthfather signed over his rights on Friday and baby mama seems to be doing ok. I spoke with her OB, which made me feel better and I'm hoping and praying that it will be smooth sailing from here on out. Continue to pray for all involved as I'm sure this isn't getting any easier on Baby Mama, and I know it's going to be hard in the end. She's making the best decision for her baby, but we all know that what is best isn't always what is easiest! Continue to pray for peace of mind for Sean and I as well, while we continue this journey! Pray for a safe arrival of sweet Cala, she has such a big family waiting to welcome her with open arms, she's going to be overwhelmed with so much love, she'll never even realize just how blessed she is!!

Praying for a good week!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

What's happening as of Today...

Today my dad was supposed to go home from the hospital, but he didn't as he had some chest pain overnight. It didn't occur to me, but did to my amazing husband that this was a good thing in that my dad had actually told them that this was happening! He's listening (even if only a little)!! So, he's spending the night again, and I'm headed home in a little while so I can be there tomorrow because my mom really has to go back to work. Please continue to pray for his recovery, and that he'll take better care of himself in the future!

O'Brien is still MIA, which continues to sadden me profusely! I just can't imagine that someone hasn't tried to return him yet, though I know he's the cutest dog in America and he is super sweet, you would think they would want to find his owners. Since we have information at every vet/pound/shelter in town, it should be easy to find us, plus there are posters, I made bigger ones last night!! So, keep praying that my little love will come home, nothing seems right at home without him!

Finally, on the adoption, it is still up in the air! Yesterday I would've told you that it was moving forward, but today, not so much. We are waiting to hear from our attorney again tomorrow, and are hoping that there will be a solution found. This yo-yo of emotions is beginning to be too much, and this is truly not all that I have on my plate right now, obviously. I wish that this had been handled completely different from the beginning, but this is a lesson learned. We will praise God for all that He gives us, even if it's only lessons, as His plan is far greater than mine! If this doesn't work out we will be sad, but we will recover, there is nothing that Sean and I can't do together, God definately knew what He was doing when He made this team!

Monday, March 8, 2010


This weekend seemed as if it was the worst, and I must say I was feeling pretty sorry for myself Sunday night, but in a therapeutic way. That would be curled up in my chair and a half with snacks, my dogs that aren't missing, my cat, and the Oscars. It was nice until...

My phone was in my room charging and I heard it dinging away, but I ignored it to indulge in my laziness in the chair and waiting on Sandra Bullock's impending acceptance speech (I knew she would win, isn't she a doll?!!?). So, I finally go back and check my phone and get a "Call me 911" text from hubby. This doesn't alarm me as we can be slightly dramatic, but I call quickly. He somehow spills out the news that my dad has had a heart attack without it being the worst news EVER. Guess that working in the ICU really does teach you great skills. I am bawling however, as this has always been a huge fear in our family because there is so much heart disease on my dad's side (he's the oldest living male, most have died before 55, he's 63). So, sweet hubby explains that they think it's minor and he doesn't want me driving upset, but that he knows I'll feel better if I go home. He knows me so well, and is the best husband ever (in case I haven't mentioned it lately). I repack my bag (as I had just gotten back to Tyler the night before, you know to look for my lost 11 year old dog), and headed home. By the time I got there they had him stable and daddy was way tired, so I said hello, went home with mom (they won't let you spend the night in the ICU) and she and I snuggled up in bed together, waiting on my sister and BIL to arrive (mind you they had just arrived back in New Orleans like 5 hours prior). They packed up and made the 5 hour drive back and arrived around 6 am. So, we are all here together (since hubby drove over after he got off work at 7 am, and then drove back to be at work for 7pm, see the best!!!).

Dad is doing well, just very tired, and therefore grumpy (I come by it honestly, sleep is important people). They did a heart cath today, found some blockage, placed a stent, and did an echocardiogram on him. He should be ok, just needs to eat better and take his meds consistently.

Scarey, weird weekend! Hoping for brighter days ahead, but God won't give me more than I can handle and has surrounded me with the best friends ever! I'm grateful that whatever trials and joys I face, I never face them alone because my life is full of angels! Thank you to my sweet friends and family!

My dog is still missing, so please pray that he'll be found and returned as I'm really freaking out about him at this point, we've been BFFs for the past 11 years, and I'm not sure what to do without him!

We aren't quite sure of the status of our adoption at this point. I'm waiting to hear back from our attorney, so if I don't tomorrow, I'll call there. They have been wonderful and I appreciate them greatly. Continue to pray for baby girl, Sean and I, and for baby mama. This situation is hard for everyone involved and none of us have done it before, so we don't know how to handle the whole thing and appreciate your prayers!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Trouble in Paradise

Not that my life is complete paradise, but I consider myself quite blessed indeed!! I thank God daily for what He has blessed me with and know that He is so generous on my behalf.

With that said, our adoption seems to be heading south right now. It doesn't look as if it's going to happen, due to circumstances that were not brought about by ourselves. The demands that keep coming in and the correspondence that is being recieved are not favorable. That is actually putting it mildly, but I don't want to go into full details. I will ask for continued prayer for both of us, for the baby, and for the birthmother and the situation that she is facing.

That has been ongoing and then yesterday morning my husband called to tell me that my dog (we have 3, this one is MINE) who is 11 years old and has been my constant companion for all these years, is missing. He cannot be found anywhere! O'Brien (a.k.a. the Cutest Dog in America--I tell him everyday) wears a radio collar and it's huge and he won't go near the perimeter, but we're afraid the batteries died without our knowledge and that he wandered out of our yard. I can only pray (and ask for you to pray too) that some sweet person picked him up to keep him safe and they will return them when they see my huge 11X17 laminated posters up near our house! Please pray for his safe return as my heart is torn in two by not having my little guy here. I just hope he's safe, not hurt, and we can bring him home ASAP!!!

Please keep us in your prayers as these seem to be really trying times and we are desperately seeking God's will and His guidance, and trying not to control situations ourselves!

Thank you!!!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Mardi Gras Rock-n-Roll Half Marathon

So, I know some of you were awaiting this update, as you've seen my facebook statuses, and now some fabulous pictures (some not so fabulous, but running ain't all beauty peeps!!).

One year ago in February I accomplished something that I never dreamed in a million years I could do. I ran a half marathon. My first reaction was to burst into tears, seriously, there is nothing to explain it and no words to describe it, nor is there a more appropriate reaction! If you're not a distance runner and you see this, you think all of these people are nuts, but if you're a runner, you understand that adrenaline, and the pure ecstacy of accomplishing something that very few people actually do. A statistic I shared last year was that only 1% of the population completes a half marathon, and only .1% a full marathon! Amazing! It's torture, pure and simple, but it is the good kind of pain that you know you pushed yourself further than you ever believed you could go.

I had no real expectation for this half, this was my fifth, that's right, I did four last year, and I'm proud that I did. You can call it bragging, at this point I really don't care! Still, in coming to New Orleans I thought about the milestone that it was to have still been running for an entire year, to have run in races alone at least 65.5 miles (that's not including any other races or training), but I didn't know what the feeling would be at the end. I had dreams of a PR, but let me be honest and tell you that my training has not been up to par for setting a PR, but I finished and if you see pictures, I did it with a smile on my face (and gasping for air). When I crossed that finish line hand in hand with my sweet friend, Daniel, watching him complete his first half marathon, I knew some of his emotions, but wasn't prepared for mine. I was a mess, I was teary and couldn't breathe and overwhelmed yet again at what an accomplishment this was for me. I know there are plenty of people out there who do these more often and way faster than me, but that's the thing about running, for me, it's all about me. All about what I can accomplish and how far I can go. I would be remiss to say that this is all about me and not mention that at each race I run with Phillipians 4:13 on my hand, "I can do all things through Christ who strenthens me." There is an organization that is at every race with that logo, you should visit their website, and in running Sunday I saw a guy with one of their shirts, complimented him, and his response was this..."He is the only way I will make it to the end of this!". I told him I constantly pray, "Lord move my feet, Lord fill my lungs, Lord keep me safe" and He hasn't failed me yet. Seriously, nothing like completing one of these races, nothing at all and I give all the glory to God. First He gave me the desire that I prayed for, then he gave me great friends to train with, and He continues to inspire me and put great people in my life to help me along!!

So, will I do another? Hell yeah! I'm already planning it! Who's coming with me?!?!?