Running, back to it

When I lost Layla in September of '08 I was broken.  My body was broken and it had failed me in a way that I never thought possible.  I wanted to punish it, but I also wanted to make it "work".  I had started running earlier that year, only 5Ks with my sister and Julie, and while I was happily pregnant they trained for a 10K.  I sat it out being careful (or enjoying my excuse to lay around a bit).  That didn't pay off.  After they did the 10K and I sat on the couch and cried all day, they informed me that they were going to run a half marathon in February.  "I'm in", was my response.

Let me preface all of this with the fact that I am no athlete and I mean that in the most severe way.  I have NEVER played a team sport, you heard me, never ever!  I do not like to sweat and I'm actually not competitive unless it involves the mind, where I am super competitive.  ***My sister got into gifted and talented in elementary school, I had my mom get me tested TWICE because I believed I was also GT, apparently I was wrong.  However, I did make a higher ACT score and have never let her forget it!***

So, for me to announce that while they had  been training for a couple of months I would just jump on their bandwagon and run too was almost ludicrous!  Still, I did it.  I was way slower than them and way more out of shape, but in February of 2009 I ran my first half marathon.  That year I ran 4 total and the next year I ran two.   My time actually never got better, but I kept going anyway.

Today a sweet runner friend of mine messaged me about running and how her mind goes all kinds of places and how she wants to journal that.  I think she should, but obviously, I think she should blog.  She is adorable and tiny and fast!  Her husband is super fast and coaches her.  She has been extraordinarily encouraging to me since getting back to running and in discussing this today I remembered why I started running in the first place and why I'm back out there pounding the pavement.  Today I ran 10 miles.  I did it in a record time for myself, like almost 2 mins off my average mile time.  It was liberating.  I felt free.  I felt unburdened and I felt like I had accomplished something.

Running for me is an open space to let my mind wander, to let me challenge myself.  To tell myself "I CAN" when everything in me is screaming "YOU CAN'T".  I can.  I am.  And I continue to run.  When I start my head is always full and scrambling everywhere.  When I am finished there are not always solutions to issues, but everything feels lighter (except maybe my legs, which sometimes feel like lead).

I say all of this to say, if you think you can't run--you can.  If you think you have to be athletic or have experience, you don't.  If you want to run, just start!  I had a sweet friend in a bible study once say she did it like this, "one driveway at a time".  She'd run to one driveway then try to run to the next and driveways became blocks, blocks became meters, meters became miles.

My friend and I discussed today that we often tear up when running, we think of why we run, or something we've overcome and emotion just comes out.  When I crossed the finish line of my first half marathon I bawled, because I hurt, because I was slow, because I finished something that I never thought I could.  Last week I teared up because I hit 8 miles in less time than I had planned and then I finished 9 miles 1 minute and 14 seconds faster than my goal.  That's huge for me, for any runner.  One day last week I teared up because I was running with a stroller and I started running because my womb was broken and empty.

I love this quote... Don't ask me why I run, ask yourself why you don't.  I run to feel free, to feel in control, to know I am doing something good for myself, mind, body, and spirit. Run on!

This is not me, I wish!  Thank you google for the image!

Awesome Opportunity for TNT--Please check it out!

So, if you've followed me long you know that I like to run.  Really, I love to run.  It's the only athletic thing I've ever done actually, so finishing multiple half marathons has been a HUGE accomplishment for me.

In April of 2009 I ran the Country Music half marathon (my second) with Team in Training (TNT) to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society.  I did it because some of my runner friends, who had encouraged me a lot, had just lost a friend to Leukemia after only a month.  I thought it was the least I could do.  It was AWESOME!!!!  If you like to fund-raise, run, and have a great time, you should totally do a race with TNT, the support and encouragement you get is unmatched and the money goes to help people who are affected by blood cancers, for research, monetary help, etc.  I personally loath fund-raising and so probably won't ever do that again (never say never).  Since then I just like to donate money to TNT for my friends running their races.

Anyhow, here's a cool opportunity to support TNT...

Virtual 5K for TNT

I'm all over this as the money goes to a great cause, it's not too much and gives a sense of unity without anyone having to travel!  I encourage anyone who likes to run to participate in this event, just go to the link, read about it and sign up--easy peasy!

Another Half Marathon

is tomorrow!!!! Yep, haven't written a lot about it because I've been a lousy training runner and don't think I'm going to be setting any PRs, but I'm doing it. I'm super excited that some of my runner family from Shreveport is coming to stay in Tyler tonight and run with me tomorrow!!! I can't wait to see Skinner, Daniel, and Scott! Julie is headed over from Dallas too, so we're going to have a blast! I'm cooking up some chicken pasta salad tonight for dinner, don't be jealous all of you who adore Ponchatoulas :).

So, be thinking about us tomorrow morning as we tackle 13.1 miles and wish Scott tons of luck, this is his first half, which is always a super fun time!! I'm expecting some emotion across the finish line! Oh, running, how I have a love/hate relationship with you! So glad the weather is going to be fab tomorrow!!!

Is it Therapy or Is it running??

One of the best things about running is the conversation with friends while you're doing it! I harass some friends to go with me, just because I look forward to the conversations that will ensue! If I tried to tell you all of the things that my guh, Skinner, (above center) and I talked about this morning, you'd just plain fall out! It gets hilarious and serious out there on the trail. And when you run, sometimes you get loud, or maybe that was the conversation topic that got us fired up?!!? Either way, it's therapeutic. I believe having friends who will get out of their comfort zones, and ask you the really hard questions is invaluable. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Having a friend that loves you enough to tell you that they want you to talk to someone (i.e. a counselor), and not worry about if you get offended or mad about it, that's true friendship. When you laugh so hard you think you're gonna fall down while running (some of us are less coordinated than others), you know you're having a good time and a good conversation. And when you have already run and chatted for 8 miles, then you still stand around at the meeting place and talk some more, you know you're with friends!

Thank you to my runner friends, who push me farther than I would push myself, who ask the hard questions and truly listen to the answers, and who make me laugh so hard, it's a good thing I don't usually have a drink in my mouth!!

***The above picture is not from today, but those are two of my runner peeps that I love to pieces, Jennifer (aka Skinner) and Daniel. Also lots of love to Scott, Susie, Ford, Eric, and of course my sweet sister, Rene'***

Moved up...

I decided today to move up my appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). I called and they said that they could get me in Thursday! Hooray! I guess getting over the initial trepidation of going, just made me ready to dive in with both feet! Plus I don't want to let any more time go by without feeling like I'm being proactive. So, this Thursday, I'll be heading to Dallas, and my sweet Julie offered to go with me! I love that girl!

This evening, I'm going to enjoy a nice calming yoga class and try to get to bed early, that is just not something I like to do. I'm a night owl and like to stay up late and sleep late, but tomorrow my crazy co-worker and I are gonna start running (on the treadmill, too hot outside) Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesdays. I know I'm 100 times more likely to do it if I have some accountability, so this will be great! Have I mentioned that I love my job and my co-workers?

Happy Monday everyone, I'm not feeling like such a grouch today! :)

Random

I haven't been writing much lately because I've had a lot going on, in life, in my head, etc. It's been a weird time for me.

If things go as planned our birthmother will be admitted to the hospital on Wednesday night (June 30th) next week and will probably deliver on July 1st. There have been some serious questions as to whether or not this was actually going to work out, so that's why none of this has been a subject on my blog. Some stuff is too private for blogging, you know. But today she informed me of the impending delivery of this little baby girl. So, as I sit here on a regular old Thursday night, I wonder if next Thursday night my whole world will be upside down? It's surreal to think that there could be a baby in our home in a few weeks (we'll have to stay in Louisiana to have paperwork finished before we can cross state lines). It's overwhelming. I think I used that word with Britt a few times today, overwhelming. I need to get some bottles, as that's one thing I have none of. So, I guess...here we go!!!

Aside from that I'm planning some new half marathon training. There is a half here on October 10th, so my sister, and my Julie are planning on coming over to run it and I think, quite a few of my running family is planning on coming too. I think Skinner is going to sit this one out, on the running end, but I'm going to see if she'll bring the cheer squad, in the form of herself and her two cute kiddos! The other D, said he's up for it, so the Double D's will be running it, he's who ran in NOLA with me--love me some D! So, here I sit typing when running it what I should be doing. Today is only 30 mins with five 30sec pickups throughout the run. I can do this!! I haven't been too active lately, well aside from weeding some 2 acres of flowerbeds, which are murder on my back! So, I'm invisioning my shoes lacing up themselves and my legs pulling me through a 30 min session... That visual stuff never works for me!

I haven't forgotten about the guessing of the birthdate, weight, and length prizes, you will be getting them when the baby is born, unless something goes wrong, in which case I claim full right to drop the ball on that!

So, please send up lots of prayers for us. For a smooth birth for our birthmother, for a healthy baby, for mine and Sean's sanity, and for those surrender papers to be signed 5 days after birth so Cala can be our forever baby girl! (My hands are shaking typing that!!).

****Just a note, I did, in fact run, it was exhilarating and painful! (In a good way). But I did feel like I was underwater in this soaring humidity from the fresh (much needed) rain here in the sweltering south today! Still, mission accomplished!***

Mardi Gras Rock-n-Roll Half Marathon

So, I know some of you were awaiting this update, as you've seen my facebook statuses, and now some fabulous pictures (some not so fabulous, but running ain't all beauty peeps!!).

One year ago in February I accomplished something that I never dreamed in a million years I could do. I ran a half marathon. My first reaction was to burst into tears, seriously, there is nothing to explain it and no words to describe it, nor is there a more appropriate reaction! If you're not a distance runner and you see this, you think all of these people are nuts, but if you're a runner, you understand that adrenaline, and the pure ecstacy of accomplishing something that very few people actually do. A statistic I shared last year was that only 1% of the population completes a half marathon, and only .1% a full marathon! Amazing! It's torture, pure and simple, but it is the good kind of pain that you know you pushed yourself further than you ever believed you could go.

I had no real expectation for this half, this was my fifth, that's right, I did four last year, and I'm proud that I did. You can call it bragging, at this point I really don't care! Still, in coming to New Orleans I thought about the milestone that it was to have still been running for an entire year, to have run in races alone at least 65.5 miles (that's not including any other races or training), but I didn't know what the feeling would be at the end. I had dreams of a PR, but let me be honest and tell you that my training has not been up to par for setting a PR, but I finished and if you see pictures, I did it with a smile on my face (and gasping for air). When I crossed that finish line hand in hand with my sweet friend, Daniel, watching him complete his first half marathon, I knew some of his emotions, but wasn't prepared for mine. I was a mess, I was teary and couldn't breathe and overwhelmed yet again at what an accomplishment this was for me. I know there are plenty of people out there who do these more often and way faster than me, but that's the thing about running, for me, it's all about me. All about what I can accomplish and how far I can go. I would be remiss to say that this is all about me and not mention that at each race I run with Phillipians 4:13 on my hand, "I can do all things through Christ who strenthens me." There is an organization that is at every race with that logo, you should visit their website, and in running Sunday I saw a guy with one of their shirts, complimented him, and his response was this..."He is the only way I will make it to the end of this!". I told him I constantly pray, "Lord move my feet, Lord fill my lungs, Lord keep me safe" and He hasn't failed me yet. Seriously, nothing like completing one of these races, nothing at all and I give all the glory to God. First He gave me the desire that I prayed for, then he gave me great friends to train with, and He continues to inspire me and put great people in my life to help me along!!

So, will I do another? Hell yeah! I'm already planning it! Who's coming with me?!?!?