I've been told before that my infertility jokes, memes, shares, complaints, etc would be better shared in a private group. My response wasn't a positive one. Basically, to me that said either...
1. I'm making too big of a deal out of this
2. People are tired of hearing it
3. My talking about it was making someone uncomfortable.
To that I have lots of choice words, but it boils down to this...people don't understand what they're not educated about. I will not be quiet about it or share only in private groups, because my sharing helps others open up about their own struggles. My mentioning diagnoses or treatments or alternatives may help someone else to...
1. Not feel alone
2. Get adequate care
3. Have a baby of their own
4. Know how to support someone in their life who is struggling with infertility.
So basically, I don't plan to ever be quiet about it.
I have two children, one through fertility treatment and one through adoption. I've lost two babies, suffered an adoption scam, found a diagnosis that many REs don't believe in, treated it and had a baby, then tried again and failed 3 times, and finally adopted through a very long, hard, emotionally draining process. I believe God has allowed these things in my life because He can and will use them. I hope He helps people not give up, to look for answers, to try new things, to seek support, and to share their struggles when they hear my story. Helping others through this gives the lives of my first two children, who died in my womb, meaning. It is part of my healing.
In the end the truth is, I am still infertile. My dream was always to have 3 children, my husband's was to have 5, so we had compromised on 4. Infertility seems to be determining my family instead of our dreams and our hearts and our deep capacity for love. We are still infertile and we still feel like our family isn't complete.
That doesn't mean we are not grateful. It does not mean we don't know what miracles our two children are, because when you know everything it takes to have a healthy baby, you are WELL aware of what a miracle every single baby truly is here on earth! It doesn't mean I'm not happy or satisfied with the children I have, believe me, these two are the absolute light of my every day. I find myself thanking Him for them multiple times per day, every.single.day!
I had one of my IF friends say she was trying for another baby and she felt greedy, or ungrateful. I find that sad, and unfair. Would she feel greedy if she were able to get pregnant easily? Likely not, she would just try again and be thrilled when she got a positive test. Personally, I won't rest until infertility is no longer taboo, until those of us who have a hard time and want more kids don't feel guilty, until no one tells you that it's better discussed in a private group, until insurance covers treatment because a medical diagnosis isn't "optional", and until I feel like everyone I come across who suffers from infertility knows that they have love and support somewhere!
*It should be noted that treatment for infertility, even with a known medical diagnosis is not covered by the insurance that we are required by law to carry. However, this insurance does cover the 'morning after pill' and viagra. Someone explain how neither of those are "optional"???
If you or someone you know is struggling to have a baby, if you've experienced loss, if you need support, please contact me and I'll help you find resources. If you want to join a FB support group of women in your position, contact me, I would love to add you to our group!
#IAm1in8 #NIAW2017 #infertilityawareness #listenup
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