What a difference a year makes

Last year on June 30th we were dealing with some very awkward shadiness from our supposed birthmother.  She wasn't responding to texts or calls and her mom was making strange texts to me with very odd behavior.  What we didn't realize until the next day was that the reason was she was giving birth to the child that we thought for 6 months was to be our child.  We had prepared our lives and our hearts for the arrival of a baby after 3.5 years of trying to make our family grow.

To say that the next few days was utter devastation would be a gross understatement, and I've prayed all along that this baby, our Cala would not be born on the same day.  Not that I have ill feelings towards that baby, as she was an innocent pawn in a very ugly game, but I didn't want them to share a birthday.  That was such an awful time of realizing we had been so violently deceived and taken advantage of; to know that another human being would intentionally hurt our hearts the way that we came to realize was an awful experience.  Someone described it as the most reprehensible act a person could do to another person, and I agree.  Choosing to parent a child that was not born of your flesh is a gift, and I will always see it as that, and I see the child as a gift to the family that they join, so intentionally taking advantage of such a situation is beyond anything that I can comprehend.  I think about that little girl often and hope that her life isn't horrible, though she is living without her mother, which can't be a positive thing.  I do hope that she overcomes the obstacles that have been forced upon her and lives a happy life.

But today I'm completely reminded of the utter pain and devastation that we waded through one year ago and am grateful that I have my husband, my sister, and good friends to continue to support me through these trials and that this year is completely different.

I also ask you to send some love over to Michele at My Life After Loss, as they were planning on adopting a child who was born this week and the birthmother changed her mind.  My heart breaks for them and sends so much love to them during this gut-wrenching time and the healing time that is ahead of them.

** Sorry this isn't my most eloquent post, this is just emotional for me **

Asking for Prayers

As I continue to be surrounded by so much love and support from all of my family, friends, and fellow bloggers/blms, I wanted to ask for prayers today.

Sean and I are trying our hand again at the whole baby having thing. So, if you will lift us up in prayer for this endeavor, we would be grateful, as we have been for all of your prayers. It is still our dream to have our own children and I now have the courage to try again.

We are still in talks about adopting, and believe that it continues to be something that our family will do. Right now, we're debating domestic vs. international, and which agencies we want to investigate. For the moment, we need a break from that though, our recent experience is too raw to dive in head-first again just yet!

I hope everyone has a glorious weekend, mine is starting early as I head home to visit with some friends and as my Granny always said, go to the beauty shop! HaHaHa!! I'll have pictures to share afterwards!!