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"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Failed Adoption

It is over! the birthmother isn't giving her up. We shouldve followed our guts and bailed in the very beginning, but sometimes you do stupid things and instead I let my heart get too wrapped up in the possibility of it all.

We are heartbroken and crushed, we shouldve seen the signs. But she seemed to have an explaination for everything, though we didn't believe her. I will continue to pray for her and that child, but it will be hard!

Thank you all for your love and support! We're not sure where we will go from here. I'm exhausted and want to sleep for days!!!

37 comments:

  1. Oh Deni. I am so sorry. I know my words won't help. Just know I willbe praying. Hugs!

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  2. oh honey I am just so very sorry. I am thinking and praying for you and your family

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  3. Oh Deni...I've been refreshing your blog and FB all morning....I am just heartbroken for you. Please know you are so heavily lifted in prayer and love right now!!!

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  4. Deni, my heart breaks to read this, I really held onto hope for you and hubby until this post. I am so sorry you are going thru this, you do not deserve this and I don't understand why it happened. I know that someday you will hold the child that you are destined to have, and until then, we hold you in our hearts to heal and feel surrounded by prayers and love.
    I will not pray for the birthmother (sorry, Im angry) as she is selfish and toxic, but I will pray that baby girl has a good life and perseveres with other good people to surround her and teach her well.
    I love you, please lean on any of us if you need us, we are here. xxx

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  5. Deni,
    Lets talk. We just went through same thing with a birthmom. I had not published the secong blog where I was talking about this. Hard especially when I went to all appt. since she was 2 months and know at 8 months she changed her mind. Loss after loss is horrible.... Life is not fair.. Hugs and prayers to you amiga. Lizy in Chicago

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  6. I can't really think of any words to help you feel better right now. All I know is that somehow God WILL provide you with a "peace that surpasses understanding". I am praying for that peace to come quickly and for the Lord to comfort you as you grieve.

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  7. There are no words to express how incredibly sorry I am Deni, but I will continue to pray for you and Sean - that God will provide you the kind of comfort that only He can! You have been such an incredible witness through this whole situation! I admire you so much & I know others do to. Hang in there and know you have so many people covering you in prayer!!!

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  8. Oh sweetie - I don't even know what to say. There are really no words for this other than I am so very sorry - which I am - but that just doesn't even sound like enough when I know you are hurting so very much. My heart just breaks for you. It's so very unfair and you deserve so much in this life. Sending you enough hugs for a lifetime.

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  9. Saying prayers for you & your husband Deni. I do not know why good people have to experience pain like this. I pray God brings you much comfort and strength during this time.

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  10. Praying for you both. {HUGS}

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  11. My heart is hurting for you my heart is broken for you. I have no words. I am angry that someone could be so so so , i don't even know what to call it. But Deni, I have faith for us, i know things are gonna work out. I don't know the plan right now and i don't know the path, but it's gonna work out. I am truly learning so much even in such a sad time. I am yet and still hoping for us and believing. Your picture you sent me said it best "faith makes things possible not easy". I love you Deni and i am holding on with you. You take time and sleep and scream and whatever helps at that moment. Sending you love. Know that i am praying for you and hubby and praying that i don't wish something mean upon that woman. Love you.

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  12. I'm so sorry - thinking of you and your husband ~

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  13. I am so sorry. I am sitting here crying with you. My heart is heavy with your sorrow. Praying for your comfort and strength. ((HUGS))

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  14. I am so sorry, Deni, that you won't be bringing this little girl home. I came over here from Britt's blog after "hearing" about the last few days through the blog circles. I'm praying for you.

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  15. Deni, my prayer for you is for peace and rest and comfort right now. I can't tell you how sad and how sorry I am. Please know you are being lifted up to the Lord and I know He still has you in the palm of His hand. Sending you so much love, sweet friend.

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  16. I'm so sorry. And I don't have any comforting words just know that I'm praying for healing for you and your husband.

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  17. I am so sorry :( Please know that you are in my prayers!

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  18. Oh no...no, no, no no. I am so sorry. How do these things happen to people who so love a baby. I am so so sorry.

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  19. I am crushed that this happened to you and your husband. It is so heartbreaking and so unfair. I will pray for you and your husband during this heartbreaking time.

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  20. I am so sorry Deni. These things are beyond understanding. There really are no words at times like these. But know that you are loved and being prayed for by so many. May you feel the "everlasting arms" of our heavenly Father lifting you up during this awful time and may He comfort you with the comfort only He can give. You are in my prayers.

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  21. Deni, I am so sorry. Things like this shouldn't happen to people who have so much love to give. I wish I could give you a hug right now. You and Sean are in my prayers.

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  22. Oh my, I'm so so sorry :(. I know you're in a lot of pain right now, but I'm hoping that the child that is meant to be in your arms will be with you very soon.

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  23. My Sweetest Kindred Spirit,

    What to say...it seems as if this week has fallen around our feet, the whole world seems to have collapsed around the FAB 5 in a matter of days. However, one thing remains constant, WE ARE RESILIENT. I've cried for you, stomped my feet in anger, questioned God and asked for answers that seem to elude me. Why the torment? I know that God does not torment us and that he feels our pain and carries our burdens, but disappointment is out weighing all of my rationale. I'm praying for direction.

    Honey, don't blame yourself for indulging in this Joy. When this opportunity presented itself there was no reason to doubt anything. There was no way that you could have known the outcome and you remained hopeful, just as you should have. Go easy on yourself...you simply wanted to believe in the good in someone and that is an admirable quality.

    Like Nan, I find it hard to pray for D, but will pray for this innocent child. Yet, I am so broken for all that you have endured. It's beyond unfair and is yet another loss, another scar on the heart and further grief. BUT, one thing remains the same, the love of friends who vow to walk "with" you through this storm. I BELIEVE in your future and know without doubt that you will hold Cala Faye in your arms...never STOP believing in that Deni.

    I Love You to the Moon and Back and we will forever be Kindred Spirits. You know where I am if you need me.

    xoxoxo
    me

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  24. Sending good thoughts and hope for gentler days.

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  25. Here via Nan... Sending hugs...

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  26. Here via Britt. I am so, so sorry. Sending love and prayers your way.

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  27. found my way here via LFCA and Britt.

    I am so sorry for your loss. Many thoughts and prayers in your direction.

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  28. Here from LFCA. I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  29. Visiting from Nan's site and heard through Katy. I'm so sorry to hear about baby. Sending you warm thoughts and hugs. XOXO

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  30. I'm so sorry. My prayers are with you.

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  32. Hun, I am so sorry for ALL that has happened. I wanted to share something with you in private, could you email me? I am normal...I promise. I found you through Nan. Many hugs...

    tripletbutterflywings@msn.com

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  33. I was just thinking about you. Was actually talking to my friend, Tina, earlier today and mentioned you and she said she had been reading your blog, too. There are so many people, that were (and are still) just routing for you and hoping for you and praying for you. We are all still praying! You are such an inspiration. I'm so sorry you have to experience even one drop of pain and I wish I could take it all away. I love you.

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  34. I don't know what to say. I am so incredibly sorry. You are one of those bloggers that stands out to me as such an incredibly kind person. You deserved this baby so much. I don't know why God would allow something like this to happen. I don't know why the birthmom would go back on her word. I don't understand people and it just makes me sick. I pray that you are doing okay and that you are finding some kind of comfort. I am so, so sorry.

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  35. I just wanted you to know that I am praying for your family. I am so sorry that you are hurting and are going through this loss. Many prayers and hugs.

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  36. Oh my gosh! I am so very sorry!!! I had this happen to a friend and she had the baby for 13 days and had to return her. It is so very hard! I will pray for you and know that there is a child out there somewhere waiting to recieve your love! I wish there was something more that I could do for you. Until then I will continue to hold you in my prayers. I wish I knew why things like this happpen- or had an answer...
    Thinking of you tons!
    Hugs-
    Laura

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  37. I'm so sorry. I actually had avoided your blog just because if I didn't see it, I could still pretend like it all worked out. Huge hugs.

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