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"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Thursday, July 8, 2010

How do I say this?...

I'll just have to put it out there. I think that writing this will be therapeutic...

Our adoption was a scam. Literally, from the beginning, our birthmother never intended to give us the baby and has done this to another family previously. Wow! That was hard to write.

So, there it is in black and white. She is an actual criminal, not like ha!ha!, but seriously, it's like her career. I know she's read this before, which is where she began her attack on my family. So, if you're reading this, Darla, thanks for such a wild ride!

While I am very sad that we didn't end up with a baby, I also know that the best thing possible has happened. Had we given up in the process, this would never have been found out and she might be able to do this to yet another family. Throughout the whole process I was skeptical, there were lots of alarms about this little girl, and many times we wanted to bail. As I continuously prayed about the situation, I never was given confirmation to bail. I assumed that that was because regardless of her baloney, we'd end up with a baby in the end. Sometimes what we think are the purpose, and what really are, end up different. I believe in this case, our experience was to be able to help stop this girl from hurting anyone else (her rap sheet tells a story of the many people she's taken in her wake).

From early on, I said that I wanted to work on adoption reform, to decrease the chances for families (who desperately want children) being taken advantage of in return for monetary assistance. Currently in many states, a birthmother can be paid living expenses, medical expenses, and even more. Now, I will say that I am in no way bashing birthmothers, I know that there are some amazing women out there who lovingly gave their children better homes--I know quite a few of these adopted children and they are blessed! I am saying that there should be reform to decrease the birthmothers, who promise their children in return for money and then "change their minds" in the end. I'm certain that this happens out of the sheer inability to let go of their children most of the time, but then there are scammers, and people who just really aren't honest and are trying to get a buck without working for it. Then families like ours get pulled through the mud, lose our money that we worked hard for, and end up broken-hearted again.

Luckily, in this instance, I can see the purpose early on. It is refreshing to see all of the ways that God worked in this situation. We did prepare and decorate and buy clothes, but no one in our families truly believed that this adoption was going to happen (I may be speaking out of turn, but this is my blog!). I believe that the Holy Spirit kept our hearts guarded for a reason, so that the loss wouldn't be as great, and we would be able to recover. We [Reids and Troxclairs] are some serious fighters and overcome obstacles together. Sean and I are a pretty strong team, and continue to grow stronger as we face obstacles together. My husband is my greatest gift from God since I've been grown (see how I did that because my sister came when I was little!!). Secondly, God has also shown me that He can TRULY support me and hold me up if I'll only trust Him!

After my second loss, I was so angry with God, maybe I needed somewhere to focus it, but instead of clinging to Him, I blamed Him. This experience has been much different, as my faith has grown so much over the past year. Probably being so fully against our move yet seeing just how much God has done here, I've learned a lot about His sovereignty. Throughout this whole surreal experience I have had a calm and a peace. I knew that as many people as we had praying for this situation that the outcome, even if I didn't love it, would certainly be God's will for us. So, when the answer was NO, I was at peace.

Thank you so much to all of our friends and family who have been praying for us. Your love and support have helped sustain us as God's perfectly placed angels on earth! Continue to pray for our next steps in "Making Our Troxclair Family"!!

p.s. I know that some people are wondering if we will use the name Cala Fay with another baby, the answer is YES! This was NOT our Cala Fay (this baby has actually had another name all along used by her parents in maternity pictures that I found I might add!!). Our baby has yet to be put with us, but we BELIEVE that one day she will!

26 comments:

  1. I am so sorry that you've had to experience all of this! I agree with you about adoption reform. Adoption is such a beautiful and unselfish act and bms that do give their babies to a better home are wonderful!

    Your family continues to be in my prayers!

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  2. I'm so sorry you were taken advantage of! I can't believe there are people out there that would steal from and play on people's emotions that way...it's truly sad.

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  3. I am so very sorry. No one should ever be put through this kind of heartache. And when I think that this 'Darla' intentionally doing this to you and others...well, there are just no words. I just pray for her baby, as I cannot imagine how she could be the mother that this little girl deserves. Being a criminal ~ intentionally choosing wrong over right...it is scary to think of how this will effect this babies life.

    You are amazing and I hope and pray that Cala Fay will be with you soon.

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  4. When Stacey told me about this, my heart sank. I am so sorry to hear about this. Part of me hopes they find this woman and throw her in jail. The other part of me hopes she will fall under the conviction of the Holy Spirit for what she has done, repent, and God will change her life. Or maybe both. :)

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  5. I love your spirit, God is working beautifully in your heart. Amen Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  6. Shame on the birthmother. I don't know how she can look at herself in the mirror. The day will come when she will have to account for her actions and rightfully so. Enough about her. As for you, you truly are such an amazing woman and I simply believe that God, in His Almighty Power, is going to bless you immensely when it comes to family. Hang in there sweetie. You remain in my prayers as you cope not only with a loss, but deception as well.

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  7. You are amazing, and I am continuously praying for you. Through your own heartbreak, how wonderful it is that you can see some purpose so early on. I pray this mother does take care of that child properly and never gets away with this again. I pray that God would work on her heart and change her. I believe God will bless you, Deni. Lots of love. xxx

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  8. Wow! What a crazy and terrible thing! God definitely sustains us if we allow Him to. I am so glad that you are holding onto Him. I am so very sorry that you guys have had to go through this but I also believe that something good will come from it. I also believe that you will have Cala in your arms. You ae an amazing mother my friend!!

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  9. You are an incredibly strong amazing woman! I am truly sorry that you and your husband have been put through this. It just makes me so angry! Big hugs to you sweetie.

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  10. Oh my goodness...I have no words...I am SO sorry that you guys had to be the ones to go through this but I am SOOO glad that the Lord has given you a peace about it!! I am so proud of you to read about your amazing attitude, I know it still is so difficult, but your attitude is so impressive. It is such a gift that God is letting you see a little bit of His plan in all of this.

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  11. I am so sorry. This is all unbelievable. The evilness that is in some people. . . It always floors me. Please know that I'm thinking of you daily and praying for you.

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  12. God is working Deni! Had chills and tears while reading your blog but I do know that blessings are headed your way, good and faithful servant.

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  13. How awful! Seems like something like this is only something you see about on TV or read about in books. How terrible of that woman to turn your life into this soap opera for her own selfish gains. I'll continue to pray for you!

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  14. I am in shock. When I read how packed your SUV was for your baby my heart broke for you and Sean. Then I read this and I want to just scream for yall! She will meet her judgment one day for the awful things she has done to people and to use those precious babies...that breaks my heart more than anything. I will continue to pray for your family to grow and be blessed with a sweet gift from God.

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  15. Deni, it's so hard to find the words to say about all of this. I am so sad and so sorry that your precious family has been put through this pain intentionally. There is just no excuse for this kind of thing.

    On the bright side, though, praise the Lord that you have such a wonderful, strong marriage and partnership with Sean and such a great support system of family and friends (and bloggers!). And your attitude and spirit during this have truly been a reflection of Christ in your life. I admire you so much! I continue to pray that God would draw you closer to Him and give you peace and comfort now and for your future journey. I look forward to seeing what He has in store for you! Love you tons.

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  16. Oh Deni, How awful! I am so sorry that this happened to you! I just dont even know what to say so I will pray. I'll pray for you and for this girl who is so lost and doing this to sweet people like you. (((HUGS)))

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  17. Oh friend..so much of what you say resonates so strongly with me.

    It's a sin that babies are commodities.

    And that woman--Darla--despicable. Truly despicable actions. From a mother, no less. I will pray that the Lord has mercy on her soul.

    I am so glad you are able to see that your pain is not wasted and will be what helps another family NEVER have to be dragged through the horror that you have.

    Continued love and prayers for you...and for your sweet little Cala Fay...wherever she is.
    xoxoxo

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  18. I am amazed a your strength. For every season there is a purpose... and as painful as this is, this was your purpose. As you said, she can no longer do this to any other family. Cala Fay is on her way, you just watch and see Deni! Praying for you and cannot wait to experience your expected end with you. {hugs}

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  19. Oh Deni, I feel so mad. It is sickening to know there are people who could do something so deceptive. I pray that you and Sean get your baby. You deserve so much better than this. Love you.

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  20. Deni, that is so terrible. I am amazed that there are people in this world evil enough to do something as terrible as what this woman did. Tony and I will continue to pray for you and Sean and your happy ending. You are such an inspiration to so many people and you deserve the best! Paulette

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  21. Hey Honey,

    Look how much you are loved :) All these incredibly sweet comments from those who love you...you are touching lives through the storm.

    As for Cala Fay, you will hold her in your arms...I know it in my heart and feel it in my soul. I've told you this before and now I will shout it from the roof tops "there WILL BE a Cala Fay Troxclair"! And, I will race right down to Tyler to hold her in my arms :)

    Regarding Darla, I think my friend Peggy said it best while we were at the beach...She has no soul. I pray for her, as my wise grannie always said "what goes around, comes around".

    Love you to the Moon and Back sweet friend. Remember, you are not rowing in this boat alone, I'm paddeling like mad beside you. Let me know if you need me...I'm here, promise ;)

    xoxoxo
    your kindred spirit

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  22. Sending you lots of love and hugs. Know that i am thinking of you and praying for you.

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  23. Thinking of you and praying.

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  24. Deni - i am so sorry that you and Sean had to go through all of this. I think of you alot and know that one day you will have a happy ending :)

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  25. I am so sorry you had to be put through this. I am heartbroken for you, but also for that precious child. I sadly feel like that precious child will be used over and over again by that for lack of a better word, female. Lady and Mother just do not seem to fit the bill. God bless you and your husband.

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  26. It's hard to fathom someone doing something like this. It's so cruel. I'm sorry you had to go through this and I pray it doesn't happen to someone else!

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