Some things that don't change...

As a BLM I'm learning that some things don't change, even though I thought they would.

It still infuriates me to see pregnant women smoking. I found this past weekend it also makes me twitch when they go on and on and on about quitting smoking when they found out about their unplanned pregnancy and how proud they are of themselves.

Seeing pregnant people still gives me a slight tug at my heart, like I'll never forget that longing and pain I had for so long! Then I think about people who see me and feel the same way, and wish I knew who they were so I could lend a word of comfort!

Using ART, I don't know that I'll ever not kinda wish it could have just happened "the old-fashioned" way and I have friends who I know mourn that loss more than I do even.

I'll never enjoy hearing someone suggest "why don't you just try...". Oh, amazing I had not thought of that and it sounds as easy as picking up a pizza for dinner!

My heart will never not break for those on this terrible road and I'll never not rejoice just a tiny bit more for those who finally reach success who have struggled so hard for what comes so easy to most!

And the last one is maybe the hardest...Baby Showers will never be the same for me. This past weekend my mom and my friend, Keiah, honored my babies, Layla and Michael, while also honoring sweet Cala, and that meant the world to me. Something about showers leaves so many BLMs sad (for showers they never had, for planned showers that didn't happen, for showers that were not followed by a baby coming home) or anxious (am I jinxing this pregnancy?, will this baby actually come home with me? Has everyone forgotten my lost babies but me?). It's such a rare catch 22 of complete elation and complete sadness/anxiety. I've been blessed to have so many people loving and supporting me through this journey and celebrating with me and I'm so grateful for those who have kept positive throughout and helped me to do the same!

But being a BLM some things will always be different.


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