"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Why Haven't I Written About this Before???

I saw my counselor today, which is always a good thing and helps me put things in a rational perspective.  She is very kind and considerate and remembers things that I've told her (good thing since I'm pretty sure that's in the job description and I think she has notes there in front of her!).  Anyhow, towards the end of my session today she asked me if I had read this book...
I had already noticed it on her desk, it's hard to miss with that great bright yellow cover and the adorable kid with a flat top on the front!  I told her that in fact I had read the book, and she asked me how it made me feel about my babies that I've lost.  Now, for those of you who have not yet read it, GET IT NOW!!!  Especially if you are a BLM!  I don't want to ruin it or give anything away, but I do believe it will bring you a special kind of peace about your loss.  (And now you can stop reading my review if you want nothing ruined)...

I told her that it made me feel confirmed in my feelings about my babies, made me feel good that they are in a place better than anything you or I could imagine.   There is nothing that takes away the pain of losing children, but to know that I will see them again one day, which I knew in my heart, (but it was nice for more confirmation) gives me hope and it makes the pain not so heavy, not so permanent!  I told her it also made me sad for the woman in the book, who had no confirmation, no closure on her loss, and for the many women who never mention their losses to anyone.  The women who never celebrate that they knew life within or grieve completely that it was lost.  This seems more true for the older generations of our parents, and our grandparents, who believe that therapy is hokey, medication is for the weak, and that if you just ignore a problem it will go away.  Sadly, losing a child doesn't go away and it's amazing the women in nursing homes who will share with you that they lost a baby 58 years ago and never talked about it.  It breaks my heart for them, and makes me want to reach out even more to those out there who have lost a child or suffered from infertility, to tell them "You are NOT alone!".  I pray that our society continues to reach out, to make taboo topics not so taboo, and to comfort people who are hurting and offer help.  I'm always here for anyone who needs to talk about these issues and am grateful each time someone who needs support reaches out, because I know what having support has done for me!

Now, go get this book! It's amazing and an easy quick read that will leave you feeling good and peaceful and hopeful and grateful!


  1. Okay, I stopped reading because I plan on reading it on my plane trip to Europe on the 10th of June.

  2. Funny you mention this. Sunday it was presented at church and we are going to have "book club" discussions on it in June. I got it and read it that afternoon.

    I liked the book, but my feelings were that even tho this guy went thru some awful things, he came out on the other end. He has kids. We never will. I can't quite help that "poor, poor me" syndrome, tho, thankfully it doesn't rule my life.

    Sweet of you to share this. Thank you. :)

  3. Well said, Deni. Mom has this book and I've been waiting for her to finish it. I'll let you know!! :)

  4. I am so glad that this brought you some peace. I have spoken to my grandmother about her miscarriage, such a different experience completely. great post.

  5. Hi Deni !

    I love this post and your previous with the letter from a RE.
    What a great person and great doctor , he does get it ! I got tears in my eyes reading his words , its so true .
    I love your most recent post too .
    Havent read the book yet but I can never be thankful enough for the support I have got when going through my losses .I know I would never be the same person as I am now without it , I feel so much for woman who never finds this kind of support and for woman of previous generations who often had to suffer alone as this was not spoken about .I thank God that I live in " modern times " and have found such wonderful support . It has made me stronger and more open to talk about what has happened to me .
    For example today I went to my first pregnancy yoga class and when asked to introduce myself to the other participants I didnt hesitate to say that I am now pregnant w 15 but have had 2 losses before .I happened to be the first one that introduced myself ,after that another girl said that she is now 10,5 w pregnant but had a previous loss and is feeling nervous about this pregnancy too .
    Im not sure if she would have said this if I didnt start talking about my history ?
    Maybe she would have anyway but however knowing this gives us a special bond and next time we will be able to talk and support each other .
    I have stopped to keep it within and tell people whenever they bring up the topic of my present pergnancy that yes I am pregnant now but it was a long road to walk before I got there and that I lost two babies before .
    In general I find that people handle it well , most move on to talk about positive things and focus on the present pregnancy but it feels good for me to have taked about the past too .
    Love Angie