"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Once Infertile...

Always infertile, yes or no?!?

I think this is different for different people, so feel free to comment your thoughts. Here are mine...

I still consider myself technically infertile and while people who can never get pregnant or carry a baby might disagree with me (and I can see why they would), here's why I say that.

First, the scars of what I've been through (as I cannot speak for my husband) will always remain, not that they hurt, as scars heal. However, they are a constant reminder of the road I've walked, the struggle to the finish line, the hurt along the way.

Second, I don't just get pregnant easily and actually wouldn't want to knowing I have an autoimmune disorder that could cause another miscarriage. These things along with the need for medical intervention to help ensure a healthy pregnancy make me continue to consider myself infertile.

A friend of mine who adopted commented tonight that she was having a hard day of struggling with being infertile in a fertile world. Some people believe that however you come to have a child is all that matters, and ultimately it is! I don't know a person who has adopted who would take that back just to "birth" their own child. Still, it is a loss and people should be able to mourn it as they need to.

It does make me sad that I'll never just "get knocked up" the old-fashioned way. I know it is hard for lots of people, not an all consuming, occupy your thoughts 24/7 kind of sadness, but one of those that can sneak up on you in the middle of a latte and take your breath away.

So if someone who can't just baby dance and have a baby needs a minute to hurt about that, give them the space to do so!

Just my thoughts for this Thursday night. :)


  1. I agree. . . the scars will always be there. But when I look at my own battle, I am curious to realize that I didn't "come out" to my blog friends about being infertile until I miraculously got pregnant. I blogged about adopting from Ethiopia, but never opened up about why I was adopting. I wasn't comfortable. For some reason, I was still feeling shame. Until I got pregnant. So for me, pregnancy really was healing in many respects. A part of me feels like getting pregnant and giving birth to a live child got me over the infertile label that I had placed on myself.

    What I'll always have are the scars and the remembering of the sadness of what it felt like to experience it. And I hope during the process I became a more compassionate person. I am so much more empathetic than I used to be. I really realize now that everyone is going through something profound in their lives, and we can't always see those "things" but they are there.

    Hope this makes sense. Kind of rambling here. :)

  2. I agree - even if I do get pregnant, I will always consider myself infertile. B/c once I start on baby #2, I'll still be infertile. And you are exactly right - there is a mourning process in not being able to get pregnant "the old fashion way" - you do miss out on several things there, and you will always always be more aware of those types of things.

  3. Ummm...yep. Infertility doesn't change because you become a parent. You still had horrific hoops to go through to get there, and if you want siblings, will have to do so again. I know what you mean, though...and sometimes the judgement is from those suffering infertility right now and have not yet become parents...which I think is odd because you'd think they, of all people, would get it. Still...infertility is as much a part of my DNA as my eye color or vision. I see beautifully with contacts, but that doesn't mean that I am not still as blind as a bat without them.