"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I've been quiet here...

There have been posts that swirl in my head all of the time.  Having a baby does not erase the pain of loss, the pain of infertility, or the pain associated with a failed adoption/adoption scam.

Tonight my heart is heavy for someone in the blog world who has experienced what we did with that adoption debacle.  Hearing of someone else's heartbreak in a similar situation has me in tears.  The feelings associated with what happened to us are long-lasting, they are painful, and they shouldn't be forgotten.

I think that adoption is a beautiful, wonderful blessing and I have many friends who have filled their families this way.  I think that it is God-breathed and sacred.

Will I ever attempt it again?  I never say never, but the likelihood is slim to none.  The pain associated with our experience was quite different from my two miscarriages.  The difference being that another human being preyed upon our weakness, our struggles, the deepest pain we've known and used it to her advantage.  And all for money, or material goods.  I cannot imagine the fake nails and extensions she bought with our money was worth the jail time that she's serving now (not related to our case, but for other criminal acts, ours just forced her to be found).  I think about that child being raised without a mother and how that will affect her for years to come.  I think about walking past an empty nursery for months and not allowing anyone to even walk in there because it was too painful.

Preying upon infertile families for monetary gain is criminal, and should be punished, these women, the supposed "birthmothers" who pretend they are going to give up their babies so they can get money from a couple desperately hoping for a child is the worst kind of deception.  It should be punished, it should be tried and these women should pay for doing something so heinous to another human being.  I could go on and on about how vile I think these women who do this are, how reprehensible their behavior, and how they should be treated.  I know I should not be judging and I should not want revenge, those things are not of God, but I also know that those things anger Him as well.  He doesn't want to see His children suffer and we are called to lift one another up, not tear each other down.  The tearing down that occurs after an adoption scam is lasting.  It makes trusting anyone nearly impossible, it makes opening your heart to the possibility again unthinkable, and it leaves you empty, hurting, and angry.  These are things that shouldn't happen to anyone.

I will continue to voice my opinion about this and continue to do what I can to change the way that adoption laws are set up and how birthmothers can be compensated because I think that this type of crime should be recognized, should be addressed, and should be corrected!


  1. I cannot even imagine the pain. It's one thing to lose a child, which is beyond awful on it's own. . . but to be so deceived, on purpose, it would be SO hard to not be angry.

    Thinking of you and everyone who has experienced something similar. I agree. . . these people need to be punished. I know of another woman (through blogs) that went through this, and it's so sad that people who are already hurting are hurt even further.

  2. Oh Deni, my heart still hurts for you and Sean and the pain you endured when it all happened and even today. You are right, it shouldn't happen!

    A woman who could do this to another woman is one of the worst kinds of women in my book. Even if you are able to grow your family easily, without fertility treatments, there should still be compassion for those of us that aren't. This woman who did this to you and others like her have no compassion. There is a dark place within a person that could do such a thing.

    Love you sweet friend!

  3. My heart is heavy for your friends...and I know still for you and all you went through. As GLORIOUS as it is to have Cala...I know your heart was forever changed...again...when that birthmother so horribly deceived you and the thoughts about what should have been don't just stop sometimes. Will keep their family in my prayers.

    And, do you know...every time I see that sweet little O'Brien, I just say another little prayer for you because I know how much losing a furry loved one hurts too.
    Love you friend!

  4. It still saddens me that you went through this and that other people out there are, too. Thanks for reaching out and for telling your story even though it hurts.

  5. I'm sorry for the pain you've gone through. I agree with you. It should definitely be considered a crime to take advantage of people who wish for nothing but a child to love and cherish; it's unforgivable!