"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Monday, December 12, 2011

Thoughts at Christmas...

This time of year always has me thinking about "What If...".  This season was different I will admit, but still thoughts of my babies lost bombarded me as I decorated the Christmas tree.  I'm very blessed to  have family that remembers my babies and chooses to acknowledge them.

Two things happened this year that really made my heart smile and choke up at the same time.  The first one was as I was decorating the tree, Foxy (my husband) was staring intently and I defensively asked what he was staring at!!  He commented, "Layla and Michael".  I had put the ornaments that I had done for them myself.  Foxy doesn't speak about the babies much, and I don't expect him to, I know he thinks of them often and is sad about them too.  Sometimes the acknowledgement is very fulfilling for me and makes me feel not alone!

Then later as my sister was helping me decorate the tree she said, "Layla and Michael sure do have a lot of ornaments!".  Yes, they do!  They are special and loved and taught me so much throughout the past 4 years.  I appreciate that they are remembered, honored, and spoken of by name.

The next ones are from the annual walk to remember held here in Tyler to honor lost babies at our Children's park!  I've actually not been able to make it to one, but got these ornaments last year!

These are from my sweet Kindred Spirit, Andrea, and I cherish her remembering my babies!!!
This season is hard.  Remembering the losses is hard.  Thinking about having a 2.5 year old this year, or an almost 2 year old is hard, but I don't want to forget.  I want to hold them in a cherished place in my heart and family, and I'm glad they have names to use in reference to them!  Merry Christmas to my angel babies, Layla and Michael, may you spend it dancing with the angels in heaven and snuggling the one whom we celebrate!


  1. I agree totally with the sentiment. Your post just has me speechless - in a good way. Christmas is really such a bittersweet time of year for us now as I also wonder 'what would life be like if....' - Merry Christmas!!

  2. <3 your ornaments, esp the angel wings

  3. thinking of you and remembering your sweet babies along with you....

  4. I love that you remember your babies. They will always be a part of you, and Christmas is the perfect time to really acknowledge that. The ornaments are beautiful. :)

  5. Thinking of your sweet babies with you....I love how you put together this tree each year, and it will be even more special with your rainbow helping one day :) Autumn points at all of the ornaments right now and I tell her what each one is...beautiful.... Love and hugs always to you xxxooo

  6. Very, very sweet post. The ornaments are a very good way to celebrate Layla and Michael this time of year. They know that you are thinking of them and that is so special.

  7. Such a beautiful tree and such a beautiful way to honor your sweet angels. Picturing them dancing with angels in heaven brings such a sweet, peaceful picture to my mind:)

  8. Hi there. This is my first time to your blog. I haven't had chance to read your whole blog, but am really sorry for your losses. I also wanted to ask if you had heard about embroyo adoption or might consider that(No chance of BM changing minds, and depending of quality of embroyos they may have less risk to miscarriage) We just recently got pregnant this way on the first transfer. If you have questions, write me on my blog or let me know how I can contact you.