So, yesterday I pointed out the 'why not me?' question that so many of us go through. I spoke with another friend today (who isn't actually trying for a baby yet, but wants to be) who said she heard last week of two friends who were pregnant and she was instantly jealous. She told me that she had a small insight into how I and some others who've been trying for a long time felt.
Here's where I am today...I still think, Why not me? And Sean and I have discussed this before, though he's not as eager to chat about it as I am!! I'm not pulling a piti party, and am not feeling all down in the dumps, but, yes, it does hurt that it's not me/us. That being said, we have been trying to be objective about this, look at it from different angles, and possibly see more than meets the eye! For instance, what is God trying to teach us? What lesson are we missing? How can we be using this experience for good (hello blog!)? Is there something He wants us to do? Then it occured to me (over a time span)... He may very well have something that He wants us to do, something that has been tugging at my heart for a while. So, Sean and I discussed it. He asked me some very pointed questions (I love that about my husband) and the answers came out honestly, without reservation. We agreed and a decision has been reached. Some of you have probably guessed it, so here it is...
We are persuing adoption!!
This was not a flippant decision that we just made on a whim. We've actually discussed it in mulitple scenarios, mulitple times. On a long drive, after lots of discussion (thank God for long drives and the opportunity to talk uninterrupted) we are ready to move forward.
We will continue to try for natural children, but I will not be taking any medications and we will forgo any further medical intervention at this time.
Currently we are doing research on agencies, lawyers, different state's laws, locating birthmothers, and preparing for the transition. We ask for prayers, and for everyone to keep their ears open in case you hear of a mother who needs a forever home for her child (though we'd like to you NOT share lots of information about us, just that we're great people who want a baby and can provide for a child). If you know someone who has adopted and would be a good source of information, we'd love to talk to them. We are in Texas now, so anyone with information here would be really helpful! We definately need love, support, prayers, no negativity, and open ears!
Deni and Sean
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