"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Friday, August 20, 2010

No Idea What To Post

Here's the thing, I've been feeling really frustrated with the whole getting pregnant thing because nothing seems to work easily for me, so I don't have a lot of stuff to post really.

I did listen finally to my sweet Fab 4 (we're 5 including me) and made an appointment with an RE for September. The truth is, this really ticks me off, as I'll have to drive to Dallas to go there, because there is no one in Tyler that does RE. Frustrated would be the word to describe me in that area. I don't want to have to go to all of that trouble and I feel like standing and throwing a 2-year old fit, foot stomping, breath holding, red-faced fit. Hopefully, it will all work out well and not be a big deal, but who knows.

Also, found out my cousin is pregnant, some things just aren't fair, seriously, she has 20 year old twins and a 19 year old (she started early), and I have no children. Really?!?!? Life is NOT fair.

Other than that, I will say that as I type this on my new MacBook Pro, that I am thrilled to have this and am having such a blast using it! I've actually never owned a laptop (I know, GASP!!). I'm planning on writing a book, well actually I'm in the process of doing it, so I'm pumped to have my computer to just whip it out whenever and idea pops into my head, sooooo fun!!! Plus it gave me an excuse for accessories and I love accessories, so I'm the proud owner of a new computer bag, with matching duffle and tote bags for all of my travels. Those extra thing I actually needed a lot, as every suitcase/bag/tote I currently have has broken straps, so frustrating!!

Now, I'm enjoying the rest of my day. Looking forward to going to meet a friend's baby that was born in July and then going to a baby shower for a friend for her 3rd child. Seriously, sounds like a great weekend, right?!?!?


  1. Sweet Friend,

    Give yourself a pat on the back for calling and making that appointment. Once you are there and your Dr. evaluates you and establishes your "new" protocol you will feel liberated. The time leading up to seeing an RE was very tumultuous for me, but once I got some answers I felt much more peaceful about things.

    Now I won't try to sugar coat the drive to Dallas, but look on the bright side, its only 90 minutes. Get in your Tahoe and crank up the Zac Brown band or other tunes of choice, Jars of Clay maybe (it is well with My Soul) and rock out! You will be there before you know it and it will be worth the effort.

    Yes, we were once able to do this on our own and that part frusterates me the most. Why when something happened so easily is it now so difficult? And why does everyone else seem to just get prego with little effort? These things make me crazy too. As you know, the most recent pregnancy announcement for me came from my Brother, talk about hard to swallow. Yet, I am still clinging to my ROPE and tying that already knotted knot once again. Tie yours one more time too :)

    Hey, you can even call the Fab 5 on your drives to Dallas! We don't seem to have a problem making the time pass chatting now do we?

    Hang in there honey, its all so daunting, exhausting and mentally draining. But the good news is that we WILL reach success. Just BELIEVE...each day I look out my window at the little garden stake you gave me and am reminded why I continue on...because you told me to BELIEVE. Have FAITH.

    Love you to the Moon & Back,
    your kindred spirit

  2. oh Deni !
    Im happy you took that step to get an appointment with a RE .I know its a huge step from a psychological point of view.Its like you have to admit for real that you have a fertility problem in front of yourself.I guess you always wish that it will work naturally so that you dont have to go down the road of ART but yet its good to take the step and get yourself checked out and talk about options.
    I guess its good to just go and talk to a RE then you can decide later what to do.
    Will be thinking about you this weekend .
    I have my MIL and my own mother visiting so Im busy ...; )
    HUGS - Angie

  3. Glad you made an appointment but it does stink that you have to drive that far to get there. You are so right, life is just not fair. It should be us announcing baby news along with them, I wish it was! I'll send some prayers your way this weekend! *HUGS*

  4. Life really is not fair and it sucks. :( I'm so sorry you are going through all that you are. I'm glad you made an appointment with an RE. Thinking of you girl! :)

  5. Hi Deni,

    My name's Renee and you met my mom a while back when getting a pedicure. She gave me your blog address and I have been following ever since. Just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking and praying for you, as I know these same awful, frustrating feelings.

    I too have done the Tyler-Dallas RE commute for four years and let me tell you when its all said and done you will think it takes 30 minutes to get there. Glad you have made an appointment. Would love to talk more. Hope this did not seem to weird to receive a message as I have never left one before and feel kinda silly even wondering if you will get this.


  6. Oh Deni! What a huge step you have taken. It is a step that I am still too afraid to take myself, so I am very proud of you for doing it. I feel your same frustration. It does suck that you have to drive so far, but maybe you will get some answers to questions that you've had. Please know that I am praying for you and sending you lots of love.

  7. I am sorry you have a weekend full of everything babies...I am saying a prayer for you right now. That God will give you the strength to get through it all!!

  8. Our RE and now MFM and hospital are 90 minutes (without traffic) away and let me tell you how often I threw some of those same temper tantrums in my head as we had to get up at 4:flipping-thirty in the morning to be there for our 7 am appointments!!! It was even worse after Matthew died because I just felt like it was so, so, SO unfair.
    I hate that you have those drives, but am hopeful for the hope and progress you may be able to gain in the process!

    And seriously, isn't a Mac great? We've always, always, always been PC people, so it takes a bit to figure stuff out, but I love mine too!!