"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


I haven't been posting mostly because I've been out of town literally the past two entire weeks, so I'll start there...

Week one of being away was on a mission trip to New Orleans (surely I've mentioned how much I love this place before), and it was a wonderful trip. The kids were amazing and worked really hard. There were a few jobs that were especially hard and left some of our youth looking for something to do, well, rather than just lay around and enjoy the fact that they got an easy day, these guys requested to be moved to jobs where they felt useful! How amazing! God did some great things that week, including allowing me to see my sister and my sweet friend Regan, both of whom I adore completely!!

Week two was in far Southwest Texas with my old youth group from Shreveport. They picked me up in Tyler and we drove the remaining 7ish hours there. To say that this place, Camp Eagle, is beautiful would be a gross understatement. I didn't feel well most of the week so skipped out on much of the adventure activities (rock climbing, repelling, zip lining, sherpa trekking, etc), but I was there for the spiritual components some of the nights (and days). We were blessed with amazing counselors, John and Allison, who both brought so very much to our group! This having been my third time there and Rhonda's like 5th or 6th, we have gotten to see the people who run the camp in action and I'd just like to give a big shout out to Debbie and Chris for doing an amazing job out there. You can sense that their hearts are really in the right place, it's not about them, or making them look good, or about 'bringing in numbers', it's truly a work of trying to do God's will out in the beautiful hill country of SW Texas. I enjoyed the week very much, and those kids can keep you laughing!!!

That brings me to this week, which hasn't been as beautiful, which isn't that how it works when you come off of a spiritual high like camp? But we are once again, not pregnant, (not that I will make this announcement constantly) and I am sad. Sad for not being pregnant, sad for the fact that other people are getting pregnant all around me, sad for the other ladies that didn't get pregnant this cycle, and especially sad for those who are dealing with a pregnancy loss. Then I remember how sad I am that there isn't a baby in our house. I feel violated that someone came here, read my blog, and used my innermost pain to prey on my family for monetary gain. Then I get angry! I'm not sure how any human could treat another person in such a way, and I hope that she gets just punishment for her actions. I need a counselor, and I had a great one in Shreveport (actually two) and wish I could just drive over once a week and talk to Kim again. Currently, I'm in the process of trying to find someone here, so pray that that comes about. I'm sad because I don't really feel like I can say all that I want to here either.

Please send some love to my sweet friend, Angie, as she is having a hard time right now, and I know exactly where she is and how she feels!! She's part of our Fab5 that are always supportive of one another and she deserves so much love and no more heartache!


  1. Dearest Deni,
    I just want you to know what a blessing you are in my life. I absolutely love reading your post because of your honesty. You are so real and for that I thank you. It allows me to see God work through you and pray specifically for your needs and desires. I look up to you in so many ways. Wish I could hug you on days that you are down and rejoice with you on days where you feel uplifted. Yet I am doing that in spirit. Please know that I am praying for you!

  2. Sending love and good energy that things will improve very soon. You deserve much happiness, Deni. (((Hugs)))

  3. Hoping and praying for all good things with you. We didn't get pregnant this month either. Hugs

  4. I'm glad to see an update and that you had some uplifting experiences...I'm still so sad for you for all the things you are sad and angry about. I keep you in my prayers every day!

  5. Glad you had a nice two weeks. Sorry you had to come back to sadness. I hope you feel better soon.Sending you love and hugs. Thinking of you and of course praying for you.

  6. Hang in there know my thoughts. I'm so happy that you had a nice time with the youth and you are right, spiritual healing is the best! Not to mention, reaching out to others in need, which is an amazing feeling.

    I have much optimism in your future :) And I will be praying the right counselor is sent to you from above. As you know, I could use one myself.

    Sending many, many hugs and lots of love
    your kindred spirit

  7. Thinking of you and praying for you still! Sometimes I read hear and I am at such a loss for words, but I still I wanted you to know that I am here. Praying. Thinking. Hoping. For you!

  8. Im glad that your trip went well and that God did some amazing things through you but my heart is aching for you! Im praying Deni, for you and for Angie! (((HUGS)))

  9. I'm so glad you had such a fulfilling 2 weeks away. I sure did miss your posts!
    Deni, what you've been through is awful. Of course you feel sad about it. It is SO unfair but I don't doubt for a minute that there will be brighter days ahead for you. You are God's treasure and I know He will come through for you as you continue to serve and trust Him. Praying for happier times and many reasons to celebrate. Love you!