I feel very blessed to be able to say that I am HOPEFUL. I BELIEVE that things are going to work out eventually for me to be a mother and I know that God is in control. For quite a while I had been in a serious funk, as those around me could surely sense. It was something that I couldn't get out of, something that I felt was controlling me, that I hated, but couldn't shake. Sometimes it just seems like life is kicking you while you're down.
It's hard to overcome loss, and there's not a single day that I don't think about my babies. The passing of my EDD, and that time leading up to it were extremely painful, as I could only see my world from what was missing. I know that was part of my grief, and I needed to go through it, but that approaching with no pregnancy on the horizon, multiple birth announcements, and everyone enjoying their children during the holidays was just overwhelming, for me and many other babylost moms.
But I have to say that with the dawning of a new year I've regained my footing and have a better hold on life. I'm more positive, I'm excited about things, I'm smiling more, and I think my husband will tell you that my fog has lifted. I know some of that has come from my church here and friends that I've made through helping with the girls youth ministry (many of you know how near and dear this is to my heart). Getting to meet new girls, interact with them, and the hopefulness of this new ministry all excite me like nothing else can (I think that's a God thing, what do you think??). Then there's my upcoming half marathon (which is NOLA again, so one full year of 1/2 marathoning) those always get me hyped up as they approach. Then there is the possibility of experiencing Mardi Gras in New Orleans for the first time with my sister this year (no, I've never been, I'm chicken and claustrophobic). Sean and I seem to be handling our finances and his weird schedule better, we are making friends in Tyler, and we're enjoying each other (which is typical because I think he's hilarious and so does he!!).
And this weekend I met with a potential birthmother. This was a nerve-racking situation as you just don't know what the person will be like, or what she'll think of you, or if it will be painfully awkward. I'm happy to announce that it was a wonderful meeting with a super cute girl, who is quite engaging and we ended up talking for three and a half hours, yes, 3.5 hours! So, I'm trying not to get myself all worked up and too excited prematurely, but regardless of the outcome, it was a very positive experience and something I'm very glad that I did! This Friday Sean and I will meet with her again together, so continue to keep ALL of us in your prayers, me, Sean, the potential birthmother, the baby, their family, and our families!
My home church in Shreveport has been super involved in helping with the Haiti relief effort, and I'm proud to say that I was/am a part of such a giving, generous, beautiful, thoughtful, strong group of people. The miraculous things that God is doing in and through them touches my heart profoundly. If you want to know more about them and what they are doing check this out...
Then of course, last but not least, THE SAINTS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL!!! I'm thinking 2010 is shaping up to be one blessed year and I'm super excited about all of the ways that God is showing off right now.
For any of you who are in the adoption process, tell me about your birthmother experiences. For those of you interested in helping Haiti, please check out the above blog and think about getting a tent city started in your area!!
Happy 2010 friends!!
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