"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Perinatologist appointment

Not sure how many of you knew we were seeing the perinatologist with baby mama, but we did that yesterday. For those who don't know what that means, they are high risk doctors, and we went because baby mama has a family member who is MR (mentally retarded). They think it was a result of birth trauma, but with the family history her OB sent her to get checked out just in case! I wasn't worried and saw it as an opportunity to get more pictures of Cala baby! This appointment had been scheduled for last Thursday, but the office closed due to the snow, would have been nice if they had informed us of that before we drove two hours to be there (in the snow)! Then yesterday they attempted to 'reschedule' our appointment at our appointment time. The receptionist was hideously rude and certainly should NOT work in any customer service setting, as she obviously doesn't understand that concept, but we were seen, by the nurse and u/s tech ( who was DELIGHTFUL!!!), and the doctor called today with the test results. Just as we suspected, our little girl is perfectly healthy and doing great!! I got some great u/s pics, if you want to see them, leave me your email, or I have them posted on facebook!

I want to address something else in this particular post, actually 2-3 things.

One being I am always grateful for people who try to empathize with our circumstances with the losses and infertility. I think it says a great deal about a person when they truly try to understand and/or support me (or any IF person) through this time. I've said before and I'll say it again, this experience has afforded us the knowledge and given us a greater appreciation for TRUE friendship!

Secondly, I've heard about eleventy billion pregnancy announcements lately and it still isn't easy, reagrdless of our adoption blessing/miracle it's still hard to not be the one sharing that particular good news and it is different when you announce you're adopting, it just is!

Thirdly, I want to say to those who read here that though my dreams are coming true in an alternate way to a baby, I still grieve my losses, still ache to 'work correctly' and hope that my adoption story doesn't bring you pain, but does give you hope in some way! My heart breaks daily for the new people who plunge into our 'group' of loss or infertility. I pray healing for us all and I won't forget where I've been, the pain I've felt, or the grace I have been shown.


  1. Deni
    you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. My heart aches for you but I know the pure joy you are going to feel when you gold they sweet baby in your arms. And you are right, she will not replace your 2 babies but will fill you with so much happiness. May you feel my virtual hug!

  2. Sorry for the typos! I am on my iPhone!!!!

  3. I am so glad to hear you had a wonderful peri appt!! I have been waiting anxiouly to hear :) Please send me pics!
    I know how you feel on your other points and completely agree...and you are bringing hope to many, and by writing it out you are showing people that they are not alone.
    Always thinking of Layla and Michael with all our babies in Heaven xoxoxoxo Love, Nan

  4. So happy your app't went well and glad you have this behind you :) Send some sweet pic's my way too.

    This road certainly is not easy...its down right draining sometimes, but we have to remember it's going to be "worth the wait". You'll be holding little Cala Faye before you know it :) And, I have faith you will hold another little earth angel very soon...I believe!

    Many Hugs my Kindred Spirit,

  5. Yay! Im so glad the results were good! And yes, pregnancy announcement are so hard to bear sometimes even when Im truley happy for them, its still hard sometimes. *HUGS*

  6. I am glad your appt. went well. Sending you lots of love and hugs. Know that we are grieving your babies loss right along with you. No matter what road we take in life our babies will always be with us, you can't ignore a missing piece in your soul. Know that i love you and am always praying for you and my other kindred spirits. Hugs and Love

  7. Hi Deni !

    So happy to hear that baby Cala is well.
    Thank you for sharing your feelings and your honesty , yes things can be complicated and walking this road can give you many mixed emotions .
    You are so strong dealing with all this.
    For me who doesnt live in America the adoption proces you explain is very surprising , its done different here and" domestic " adoptions are very uncommon, most people adopt a child from abroad and its a proces that can take 2-3 years.
    In that regard I think you are lucky that things worked out the way they did with your adoption .
    Its seems hard that there is some uncertainty about it but going through a pregnancy is not 100 % certain either as we all so well know.
    You are great that you have such a big heart so it can contain both the love for your soon adopted baby and the grief because of the loss of your own angels .You are strong Deni and your heart is SOOOO BIG being able to contain all those feelings and yet to cope .
    I imagine its not easy but you are special and strong and you will make it even if all those feelings hurt too.
    Your road to start a family hasnt been easy but you are not at the end of it yet ( Far from ! ) and God might give you the blessing of both an adopted baby and a biological baby in the future we never know what will happen .
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts , it gives me hope that you are keeping your faith as I struggle with this sometimes .
    Sending you love and prayers - Angie H

  8. Deni-
    Praising the Lord that sweet Cala is doing and growing so well! I continue to pray specific things over you. It is interesting because I think people (especially those who never walked IF or loss) think that once you have a baby no matter what way that your grief somehow vanishes. Well that is so far from the truth, in many ways it brings it all up- it just has a different color to it. I still grieve my losses and I still grieve the hard years of trying...they never go away, they just change and take on a new form. I understand so much what you are facing!!!

  9. So very glad to hear the test results came back great! Praise God for that good news!

  10. Oh Deni -- so many of us who have experienced loss will never, ever forget that pain you speak of. I know that everyone's journey is different, but I truly believe that the common denominator of loss is a unique one. How could we ever forget?

    This news about Cala is wonderful! I'm so happy that she is doing so well and I know that each time you get to see her is a special treat! I'm looking forward to seeing how your story unfolds and how God's beautiful plan will be revealed in your life, friend. Thank you for the ways in which you encourage others.

  11. I tried to find your email and maybe I am just missing it. Mine is Thanks!!