"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Friday, March 25, 2011

I feel for her...

****WARNING if you are a Private Practice fan and haven't watched last night's episode don't read this yet******

Addison is one of my least favorite characters on tv, yet I'm compelled to watch her to see what horrific thing she says or does next! Her cheating and hooking up with inappropriate people, her belief that abortion is ok, her thoughts that a baby isn't a baby until it's viable outside the mother, well those things make me sick!

We've all made bad choice that we wish we could undo, but she is an adult, time to grow up! Yes, I am aware that she is a character on a tv show, but it's my vent!!

However, on last nights episode I literally almost vomited at the thought of her being pregnant. Partially because I don't like her character, but also because it so unrealistic in the actual world of infertility! Then as you watch her walk out of the bathroom, downtrodden and dejected, even my heart breaks for her! I've been there, SOOO convinced that this would be my time! That amazing lucky time it happens when you're not expecting it or really trying (but let's be real, who's ever not at least in their mind trying if they're using no protection and still happily dancing away?!?).

My heart breaks more for all those that I know that are still awaiting their miracle, who have never seen those two lines, or seen them only to experience the death of their child later on in pregnancy! I believe they captured the emotion when you see her lying on her chaise broken-hearted and without the will to do anything else. It is that hard to realize yet again a lost dream, the brokeness of a body that repeatedly fails you, and the distance between you and the initial realization that you had that dream of being a mother. Being a mother cannot be replaced by any other task in the entire world. Being a great Aunt, great friend, great godmother, all of those things are awesome, but they do NOT replace the longing to be a mother if you have that within you!

Though I must express and appreciation for those who have so completely involved me in their children's lives, as it makes NE feel less isolated. It stops that "you'll understand when you have children" stigma, because frankly there are plenty of things I understand without my children here on earth!

Finally, I can't even begin to start on the surrogate sister storyline. Just reiterates to me that surrogacy is not the quick fix that so many people jump to!!


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