"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born." Isaiah 66:9

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Wish I had known...

In reference to REs.

I had two friends talk with REs today and both had a fairly good experience, these things make me really happy. I'm not sure I can convey how happy they make me, but having had a realllllllly horrible initial RE experience, and having had a FABULOUS second round experience, I know how important feeling heard, feeling supported, and trusting that your RE is smart are in that instance.

I wish I had known before my first experience that doctors DO listen, that good REs don't care about the money (they do quite well regardless), and that you have a RIGHT to ask all the questions you want!!! Being armed with a good list of questions prior to an appointment, I believe, I key! So... I would like some input from my trusted friends here!

Please tell some of your good and bad RE stories so that others can learn. Tell questions you wish you had known initially to ask, or information that your RE shared that you found inlightening.

I will share a few things here comparing and contrasting my experiences...

1. My first RE never called me by my name, which is a nickname, I know that's not a requirement, but when I went to Dr. S, his whole office called me by my name (as you know on here) from my first visit on!

2. At Dr. Crap's office the nurse who drew blood (eleventy billion times) hurt me EVERY time she stuck me! At Dr. S's office, the only pain I ever had was from OHSS, which he treated (which was quite painful).

3. With Dr. Crap any time I asked a question, he talked to me like I was 5 and was extremely patronizing. When I talk to Dr. S, he happily answers my questions on a reasonable level and doesn't talk down to me at all, he actually encourages questions and explains very thoroughly!

4. When I had a D&C with Dr. Crap he didn't even come talk to my husband after the surgery to give him a report. He left the hospital! Needless to say, my hubby was PISSED! I didn't experience that with Dr. S, but after each thing I had done he talked to us and so did his nurses and they called to check on me!

5. At Dr. S's office I waited 45 mins for my first visit (and panic set in because...). With Dr. Crap, I waited over an hour each time regardless of my appointment time AND waited 3.5 hours to have my D&C done. After waiting 1.5 hours for my follow-up afterwards, and rushing out the door in a full blown panic attack, we left, never to return!

6. I know quite a few people who have seen Dr. Crap, and only one has had rave reviews about him, the others (double digit #s) even with successful pregnancies, say his office feels like cattle herding, and is completely impersonal. (His nurse said to a friend who had done IVF, upon her reporting that she had a BFN that morning, "Well, you knew that could happen!") WTH?!?!?

7. The whole staff with Dr. S asked repeatedly about both me and my husband and how we were dealing with the stresses of IVF. His staff called me to check on me after procedures and he stopped by to talk to me each time I was there, even if I didn't need to see him. The front desk girls, the finance lady, the nurses, the embryologists, they were all AMAZING!!!! Did I mention that getting stuck there didn't hurt--ever!! I have a sweet friend who had seen Dr. S and even with an unsuccessful IVF recommended him with RAVE reviews, as would I, that instilled a LOT of confidence in him and his staff, as she went on and on about their excellent care!

I hope that no one else has a horrible of an experience as I did the first go round, but I pray that EVERYONE has the experience that I had with Dr. S (if you want more info on him, I'd be glad to share, just email me!).

Please share anything you can about RE experiences you've had, I think it's so helpful to know what other people have dealt with and what things are helpful!!

**I'll post again with some more good info***


  1. That is how I feel about the Dr. I had when I was pregnant with the boys! I cried the day I got to walk out of her office and know that I NEVER had to see her again!!! I'm sorry it was so rough your first go round...


  2. Well, I have my good experience with an RE thanks to my AMAZING, beautiful, wonderful friend! You know who I am talking about, right!?! She is Cala Fay's Mommy!!

  3. The RE I went to was never able to help me get pregnant. I did many unsuccessful treatments with this group, yet they were still kind and I felt like they really cared.

    Dr. M who I was seeing knew that I had limited insurance coverage for infertility treatment. So, many times I would go see him for appointments, he would fill out the medical coding sheet differently so it would hit my normal med insurance, and not my infertility insurance.

    When I did spontaneously get pregnant, I called the RE office and asked if I could come in for blood work and an ultrasound. (I hadn't been to this office for treatment in MONTHS) They got me right in, and when they did the ultrasound and saw the beating heart, the nurses all came in the room and cried with me. They knew me, and I felt like they REALLY wanted this for me.

  4. oh no! I posted a huge comment and it got eated!

  5. let's try this again!

    I'm going to humbly assume I'm one of those friends! If I'm not, just let me believe I am. :)

    Since this was my first ever RE visit, I dont have a lot of comparables, but I got a great first impression, and definitely some comparables to my OB.

    I'm right with you on the name thing - I haven't gone by my "legal" name since the day I was born. I've also never had a doctor call me by the name I go by on the first visit EVER. They called me by my name immediately and didn't even blink an eye. It really struck a chord with me. I was a little taken aback to be honest! I dont even think my OB calls me by the name I go by - haha.

    He also cleared up a huge confusion in my brain regarding my progesterone test after my last IUI. My nurse called and told me specifically that is was 196, which I thought was over 20 and sounded decent. WHen I was trying to get her to explain what exactly it meant and why they were wanting to put me on progesterone immediately and for an entire month (?!) she just blurted out "um, it means you're not pregnant" - well obviously, but thanks for so clearly pointing that out! So he very understandably explained that it actually meant 1.96, which hello thank you very important decimal point! So RE - 1, OB - 0 for that one. He also applauded me in second guessing that month-long progesterone and calling him instead. :) [He thinks they tested too late and I did in fact ovulate... thank God.]

    He also was very patient with my extensive internet research. After 3 years, a girl's gonna google! He explained his opinion on everything I had read with patience and very thorough responses. I really appreciated that.

    I know I've only seen him once, so I can't say how my frequent visits will go, but with a blazing recommendation from a friend, I'm guessing they will go well. She also said he allows women to donate their extra injectables, and like her, if you need more in a cycle then originally expected, he donates them to you - talk about a little extra mile - she said it saved her $600. I thought that was too cool.

    Is that enough for you! haha Sorry so long! He definitely gave us a renewed stamina to keep fighting, and that in itself was a big deal. :)

  6. You already know all about my experiences with Dr. Crap aka Dr. Ego! Lol, although I think I haven't had it as rough as you did with him.

    I decided he has Asperger's syndrome...I have a brother who is an Aspie and while my brother is not egotistical, I see bits of my brother in Dr. Ego...such as the fact that he completely lacks the ability to relate to anyone.

    Anyways, I think since I've given him this "diagnosis" I've felt a little bit better about him. ;)

    I will say that the biggest thing I've learned is that I honestly need to be just as educated about what is going on as the doctor is (or should be) because I'm the only one who can really stay on top of me at his office. They might have a ton of other patients who all need their time and attention and I think that definitely shows...which isn't always a good thing.

    I still believe wholeheartedly that if I hadn't asked about my thyroid levels Dr. Ego never would have looked at them at all. He seemed so shocked that the levels were off. And this was AFTER he pretty much said that none of the testing showed anything abnormal that might point to why it happened twice. He was telling me it was just bad luck when I piped in, "Well, what about my TSH? I never heard those results."

    I mean seriously, I can "laugh" about it in my situation because I knew enough about it to ask but I feel terrible for all the things that might be overlooked for so many others and God only knows that as much as I like to think I really know as much as Dr. Ego, I don't come close!

    Who knows if my thyroid issues are the actual cause at this point. Now that I'm finally being treated for it, hopefully I will get pregnant again and the third time will be a charm! But its no thanks to him really. I just need him for my prescriptions and my blood work!

    If, God forbid, something goes wrong again, I'm definitely going to see your RE. But I'm feeling pretty good at this point that I don't really "need" Dr. Ego so long as I can keep myself knowledgeable about myself and using him to treat me as I see fit!

  7. Just wondering how you came to the point of changing doctors.

    I'm not convinced that I am comfortable with my RE's plan of care. He doesn't seem to go along with anything I've read (not that there is any clear cut plan of care in fertility anyways!). I feel like he skirts around answers/makes me feel silly when I ask questions. I want to understand and learn but I feel like I just leave his clinic with more questions than answers. We've had three miscarriages and I'm not sure if I'm even being objective or if I'm blaming him for something he can't control.

    Our insurance pays for a lot of our treatment with this doctor only. If we went elsewhere, we'd be on our own. My husband has been to some appointments and doesn't seem to have a problem with the RE. He thinks my RE is a good doctor, just a poor communicator.

    I have friends who have suggested other REs, but I don't know much about them. How do you even know that you'll be in a better situation by switching?

    Just wondering what led you to change doctors. Was it a hassle? Did you have to go through a work-up again? Just wondering.