Today in New Year's Eve, but for me it's also my estimated due date with Michael, my second angel in heaven. It's a weird day. I'm sad, I'm disappointed, and I'm lonely despite being around so many great people. But I'm not as devastated as I was say 2 weeks ago. I think I'm just in a different stage of grief today. I'm working on moving forward, not looking back, and trying not to focus on what could have been. It doesn't help that AF showed a couple of days ago too. I was under no false hopes that this could be the month, as we really didn't try and I'm pretty sure the right time was when I was gone doing my last half marathon. Some people would've cancelled that to try, and I understand that, but for me, that accomplishment helps me to move forward, knowing that my body can accomplish somethings, even if not bringing a baby safely into this world. It's amazing to think that I could've been holding a new born right now, and there sneak in the 'what ifs' again!! Just too easily! I want to say a special thank you to those people who remembered this day with me. It means more than I can put into words that someone would keep this date in mind and think of me and my angel, so thank especially to Julie, Jean, Emily (smiley Emily from grad school), Nan, Andrea, Angie, and Shandrea. You made a difficult day just a little easier!
We continue to look forward to adoption. I am completely at peace with this decision and know that God has a plan for us and the growing of our family. Though the process can be daunting and overwhelming! I'm currently feeling really overwhelmed, but know again that God is in control, so I'm trying to let Him have the control (yeah, right, my OCD is in full effect right now!!). I ask for prayers as we continue toward this goal of adoption, prayers for peace, prayers for a birthmother who will be so generous to let us love and raise her child in our home, prayers for a baby to be happy in our home, prayers for all of the little steps and pieces to fall into place. I know that God is in control and I know that hearing the cries of many of His children on our behalf can only help! Thank you all for your love, support, and most of all your prayers!!
Boulder Ridge Zoo
2 weeks ago